The Advice Column II

279

Advice Request
The requester's best friend isn't treating them nicely.

Answered Submission
Hi lovely,

I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to put your trust in someone (specifically someone you would describe as a best friend) just to have them break that trust. I do understand what it is like to have self-confidence issues and anxiety problems. This makes the advice that I am going to give you a bit more difficult to carry out, but hopefully it should solve the issue that you are having with your friend.

Obviously, this is a tough issue for you. Your childhood best friend is suddenly acting out of character and is treating you differently. You have every right to be yourself in these situations and if that means being sensitive to what she is doing then that's perfectly fine. In my opinion, I don't think you are being too sensitive about what is happening. You have every right to feel upset when she does these things — defaces and hides your personal items, "playfully" hits you, jokes about your health or spreads your secrets — because it isn't a nice thing to do. She doesn't sound like she's being a good friend to you and it does sound like she is verging on bullying you.

I think you should consider talking to her about it and standing your ground with her. Ask her why she does the things she does to you. It might be a case of her being wrongly influenced by her new friend. Help her understand how hurtful her words and actions are to you and just how much they hurt you. If things don't change after talking I would suggest speaking to a teacher that you trust about what is happening. Hopefully your school has a no tolerance to bullying rule in place and will be able to help you in some way. They'll either help you two to solve your issues and get back on track as friends, or they will see that what your friend is doing is wrong and help you with that.

I know that speaking to a teacher about topics like this probably sounds daunting and might increase your anxiety issues, but I also know from experience that if you don't seek the help of an older, trustworthy person despite your anxiety then the situation might not resolve. Your health could suffer even more in the long-run from you pretending that everything is okay between you and your friend. Not to mention that she will continue to think that it is okay for her to do what she is doing.

Overall, I do think that speaking to a teacher could be more beneficial if you can't resolve this between yourselves. The teacher might be able to help you with making new friends too, by introducing you to people who you might get along with. Making and forming new friendships is tough in any situation, at any age, but if you've got the support that you have at the moment (from teachers and family) then it'll be easier.

I hope this helps,
The Advice Column.