The Advice Column II

260

Advice Request
The requester is afraid of coming out about their sexuality. And they have a crush but are unsure how to approach the situation.

Answered Submission
Hi!

I'm going to be completely honest with you. Being anything other than straight to close-minded, homophobic people will always be considered a phase. It's something that you might be facing for the rest of your life, unless some miracle happens and everyone is treated as equals. But until then, my advice to you would be to only come out when you are completely ready—especially considering you suffer from social anxiety, too. I know from experience that having a lot of attention on you when you suffer from anxiety can be tough, so it might not be the right time to come out to your classmates. As for telling your parents, again, this is something you should only do when you feel 110% ready and comfortable. If you do feel ready to tell your parents, then let them know that you are still the same daughter you were when they didn't know about your sexuality. You've mentioned that they'd be supportive, which is great; this is something you can use to help you if/when you do tell them, because you can remind them that they once said they'd be supportive. The truth is, if your parents have stated that they would be supportive, then there's a higher chance of them accepting your sexuality, even if they don't get it. It's something you can help them to understand. But whatever you decide to do, whether you come out now or next week or in a few years' time, just know that there is always support for you, and you should be proud of who you are.  Through all of this, seek support from your best friend. The fact that you are both bisexual means that you both have a huge pillar of support in each other, which is very helpful!

As for your crush, I think it's great that you are talking to him. Keep doing it; it's a good way to get to know him more and to potentially ask him out in the future. Since you walk to and from school every day, this would be a great opportunity to plan something outside of school with him. Maybe you could invite a couple of friends and all go out together. This would be a good opportunity for you to get to know him in a non-school way and get to just hang out with him. If you think he likes you, then this could help you pick up on any signs that he may like you, and it could also give him a chance to ask you out. Considering you've only known him for a few months, I would suggest waiting a bit longer before you ask him out. If you feel like now is the right time, however, go for it. Tell him that you don't want to ruin the friendship that you have, but that you also like him as more than a friend. Then tell him what you've told me—that he's super sweet and that you feel comfortable talking to him. Let him know how you feel, and if he feels the same way, then that's amazing! If not, try to carry on being friends. I know it'll probably be awkward for a short while, but at least you'd still be friends with him. This is important because, if you feel comfortable with someone—especially if you suffer from social anxiety—then you have to at least try to keep that person in your life.

Good luck,

The Advice Column Team