The Advice Column II

378

Advice Request
The requestor is concerned about their friend who, they believe, is in a dangerous situation with a guy they met online who is much older than them.

Answered Submission
Hi!

You're right to be worried about your friend. I know I would feel exactly the same in this situation if it were my friend. I think what makes this situation worse is the age difference between your friend and the person she is talking to, simply because she is only 16. This wouldn't seem like a big thing if she was talking to someone her own age, but since he is 23, it is worrying.

I would advise that you continue to express how you and your friends are worried about her and what this age difference means. Don't give up on her. Carry on trying to make her see how concerning this would be if the roles were reversed: if you were the one talking to a stranger online and she was the one worrying. Sometimes, by reversing the roles, people realise how others are feeling.

If she is still adamant about meeting him, then I advise you to speak to a trusted adult. Although your friend might not appreciate you telling an adult about this situation, it would be the best solution. They'd also be able to speak with her and help her understand how dangerous this could be. If, after getting a responsible, trustworthy adult involved, she still can't see the potential dangers and wants to meet up with him, maybe suggest that she takes an adult with her to meet him so that she isn't alone and has someone to keep her safe from any risks. She definitely shouldn't meet up with him on her own, if she does want to see him.

Something that you should also consider is that she isn't the one in the wrong here. This is something you should convey to your friend because it's true. It's the 23-year-old who is in the wrong since he is the one sending a 16-year-old explicit messages.

As I have said before, I think telling a trustworthy adult—maybe her parents, your own parents, or a teacher at your school—will definitely help you get through to your friend and help her realise the potential dangers that she is putting herself in. They'll also be able to help put something in place to make sure that she remains safe.

One thing that everyone should consider too is that the more you tell your friend not to do it and try to force her out of the meeting, the more she might want to rebel and meet up with him even more. Like I have said, if she remains focused on meeting him, come to some compromises so that she doesn't do it alone and also so that an adult is present.

I hope this helps,
The Advice Column Team