The Advice Column II

287

Advice Request
The requester's friend was jealous of her and another friend which lead the requester to losing both friends.

Answered Submission
Hi,

I'd like to start out by saying that communication is key. If you truly value your friendship with N, I believe you should let her know how much she's hurting you. I know it's terrifying to put yourself in such a vulnerable position, but friendships are all about bringing out our vulnerabilities. Tell her how much you're hurt by how far she's pushing you away from her. Explain how you feel now that she doesn't share what she used to share with you anymore.

Do try to talk to N about this when you get the chance. Try to understand the reason behind her actions. She could be doing this out of jealousy of your friendship with A. Whatever the case is she has clearly shown that she is bothered that you spent time with A.

A good friend should be able to respect and accept your other friendships. If N isn't capable of doing so that's an issue she'll have to work on fixing by herself.

I say you should show her how much you love her and explain that your love for her won't decrease just because there's another friend in the picture. Make it clear that she does make you smile, truly smile, and that you are willing to be a close friend to her but not at the expense of crossing out on any other friends you have. You could perhaps promise her to spend more time with her, but make sure you remember that you have no obligation to ditch one friendship in order to save the other.

Love isn't a rationed basket of apples that has a chance of running out. You can love a hundred different people in a hundred different ways and there is no need for one person to be placed above the other.

As for A, perhaps you should apologize for ignoring her. Whether you missed her presence or not doesn't make a difference, really. No matter how clingy or annoying someone is, there can't be any good excuses to hurt them. If she ever gets too clingy with you I'm sure you could ask her politely for some time alone or with other friends. I'm sure having an honest conversation is much better than blocking her out with no explaination — and you know quite well how much it hurts to be shunned by a friend.

I hope this helps.
Love,
The Advice Column