The Advice Column II

375

Advice Request
The requestor feels like they are loud and rude and want to be quieter and kinder. Also advice on how to deal with a crush.

Answered Submission
Hello there,

From the request that you have written, I would not say that you are a rude person. You wished us a nice day when you aren't even obligated to, so thank you :)

The fact that you may have seemed rude to people might partially be because of how loud you are. I can't really say for sure about your situation, but from my personal experience, I am quite loud from time to time. Being loud means that I talk a lot, so when I tend to be loud, I rarely think much of what I'm going to say and this always makes me say rude and mean things without me really meaning to.

I'm lucky that the people around me didn't ignore me for this, but it looks like the way you behave is affecting the interaction that you have with people around you.

It is good that you are trying to change yourself to be kinder and quieter. Personally, I would say there's nothing wrong with being loud as long as it's not an all-time thing. People tend to get annoyed when they are not given time to have a quiet moment so maybe that's the reason why some people are ignoring you.

When I realised that I am rude when I am loud, these are the things that helped me adjust so as not to bother others:

1. Think before you speak.

This is actually a great way to minimize the rude things that we might say in response to something. What you need is a more thoughtful response rather than just saying anything in order to speak as soon as possible.

2. Listen to the people around you.

Instead of trying to be the one talking, try to teach yourself to listen to what people are saying.

3. Pay attention to things happening around you.

This helps me a lot as I can't really talk and pay attention to my surroundings at the same time.

4. Try again and again.

It is okay if you fail today. A lot of things can't be magically changed in just one day. All you can do is keep on trying until you get the hang of it.

Moving on to your next request: How to deal with a crush?

Having crushes means becoming a nervous wreck whenever the mentioned crush is around. Being nervous, though, won't get you anywhere with your crush. The key to everything is confidence.

Here's how to be confident around your crush:

1. Try to interact with more people.

Make yourself used to participating in all sorts of conversations with other people, so when you talk to your crush, you'll know a lot of different topics that you can have with him/her.

2. Start out as friends.

Instead of immediately asking them out, you can start out by just asking him/her to hang out together as friends and get to know him/her more. This will focus yourself on having a good friendship with him/her before you proceed to build a relationship.

3. Ask your friends to ask around and find out what he/she likes.

Try to find similarities and similar interests between you guys. As much as opposites attract, people tend to get along better when they have something in common between them. This way, you can hit up a conversation with your crush about the things that you both like, which will make you less nervous to talk to him/her.

I hope this helps you with both of your problems and I wish you the best of luck.

Have a nice day as well! :)

Lots of love,
The Advice Team Column