The Advice Column II

297

Advice Request
This person is having rumors spread about them.

Answered Submission
Hey! Thanks for coming to us for help.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. It's incredible how petty people can be for no reason, and it especially hurts when the rumors are being spread by someone you trusted and considered a friend.

If T never showed this type of behavior before sitting with F and C in art, perhaps this behavior started as a result of T becoming friends with C. Maybe C was jealous of your friendship with T, and so C tried to get F to spread these rumors with her about you. Peer pressure is easy to fall to, so T might have given in to fit in with C. That's just a possibility.

Regardless of the reason that F started spreading rumors, the fact is it happened, and now you have to figure out how to handle it. Denying rumors never really works because they're just so addictive and easily spread that no one cares much about the truth after they've heard something especially scandalous. Unfortunately, denying rumors is mostly a dead end, especially for people who don't know you well. There is more you can do though. Here are a few ways you can combat these rumors:

1. Talk to T. Ask her why she would suddenly start spreading these rumors when she was supposed to be your friend. Tell her that it's not okay to make things up about you just because she wants to. See if you can find out why she said what she said, and work with her to get her to stop. If she doesn't want to stop or help you, then move on to the next step.
2. Talk to an adult. I know talking to teachers or parents about things like this can be awkward, and you don't know what T's response will be, but if you don't tell anyone, chances are T will just keep coming up with more rumors because she's not getting anyone with authority to stop her. Of course, some people will continue even after being talked to by an adult, but it's still worth a shot. Teachers are there to help you. Don't let her get away with her behavior. And a teacher or parent will also be able to give you support during this. The fact that the rumors are mostly sexual makes it more serious, so please tell an adult about this. They'll know how to handle it.
3. If everything else fails, just ignore her and her rumors. Don't add any fuel to the fire. Bullies like doing things like this because it gets a reaction from the person they're picking on, and that makes them feel good for whatever reason. Rumors do die out. If you don't give them any attention, they'll fall away, and no one will really care about them anymore. Plus, not giving a reaction will make T bored because she's not getting the reaction she wants.

To summarize: try to talk to T and see if she's still kind enough to stop on her own. Ask her why she would do such a thing to a friend. If this doesn't work and she doesn't seem to care, talk to an adult—whether that's a teacher or a parent. They'll know better on what to do and offer you support during this so you don't feel alone against everyone. If nothing seems to work, just do your best to ignore it. You know these things aren't true. The people in your school aren't going to be in your life forever anyway, and they're not going to care about a few rumors as time goes on. What people think about you is not that important. Just be who you are and don't let anyone get in the way of that, and don't give into what T or anyone else wants by giving them a reaction.

I hope this situation blows over soon enough. And remember, you're not alone. Plenty of people deal with these kinds of situations daily, and they make it through—even the one's with the most embarassing stories. Feel free to write to us again in the future if you need any more help!

With love,
The Advice Column Team