The Advice Column II

376

Advice Request
The requestor is worried about their friend who is suicidal.

Answered Submission
Hi,

I'm sorry that your friend is doing this to herself and I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I'm also really proud that you are sticking by her side and still trying to help her even though she is shutting you out. It can't be easy to see what a friend is doing but you're being an amazing friend by staying with her and being on her side when everyone else seems not to care.

So far from what you've said, I believe you're doing the right thing by telling her all of the positive things to counteract the negatives that she's feeling. Although it may not seem like they could be helping her, there will be some part of her that will be listening to them and knowing that you mean it.

Something that you have to understand in this situation is that no matter how much it seems like it, your friend does not want to end her life; she wants to end the hurting that she is feeling. If you continue to show her your unconditional support she'll also start to realise how important her life is to both you and herself.

I know that you are not classmates, but during any free time that you both happen to have, try to spend with her even if she says she doesn't want the company or doesn't want to talk or hold a conversation. Stay with her and let her know that you're not leaving her. As long as you're with her she'll realise that she's not alone. It may seem like she needs an army of people to show her this kind of support but she doesn't; just one person is enough to show her that they care and that they're not leaving. That alone can change her thoughts of herself and help her realise that she's not worthless.

Another thing that I would suggest is trying to get her to open up to you about how she's feeling and why she thinks she feels that way. This might be difficult to do since she might not feel like talking about how she feels, but let her know that you are, and will always be, there for her. If you can spend a whole day when you're both free just hanging out and talking about anything and everything, do so. Talk about whatever pops into your heads, discuss the weather - anything! It might just turn out that by the end of the day she starts to slowly open up to you. The more you talk about random things the more she might start to talk about her feelings.

If you are able to get her to open up to you, suggest that she talks to a professional too, or at least an adult she can trust. This would benefit both of you since she'll get the help that she needs and you won't have to take on a lot of overwhelming stuff that could have a negative impact on your own mental health. You have to think about yourself as well as your friend in this situation.

It's difficult to see the reason why someone would want to end their life, but for many it's because they see no other option. This is probably how your friend is feeling. I think the fact that she has posted about her self-harm and that you know about her previous suicide attempt is a cry for help. She doesn't actually want to end her life as much as she just wants to end her suffering and pain.

My advice would be to continue pointing out the alternatives and showing her that you care. If she still doesn't seem any better I would suggest speaking to a psychologist or a trusted adult on your friend's behalf as I have previously stated. There is only so much you can do to help her before it starts to take a toll on you too.

Here's a link with some useful information that might help you, some of which I have mentioned already. There are also some questions you can ask her and things you can say to her...

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention.htm

I hope this helps and that your friend starts to see just how amazing her life is and how lucky she is to have a friend as concerned about her well being as you.

You truly are a wonderful person.

Love,
The Advice Column