The Advice Column II

342

Advice Request
This person was manipulated and gaslighted by their ex best friend.

Answered Submission
Hello there!

Before I say anything, I want to say that it's okay to send long requests. Personally for me, the longer the requests are, the more understanding I have for the situation. So don't worry about it!

Losing a friend has never been easy—moreover a best friend. Even if she's not much of a real best friend, in your mind, for years, she has been your best friend. I've realised that you already have someone supporting you and pulling you out of the relationship with your old best friend. This is a really good thing. The fact that she had moved away and is not in the same place as you is also a good thing because moving on will be easier.

So how should you cope with losing her; or in general, how can you cope with losing a friend?

1. Try something new.
Do something that you haven't done before—something that you have always wanted to do. This way, you might be able to keep your mind more occupied rather than thinking about her.

2. Don't let yourself be alone for too much time.
Sometimes, our brains likes to play tricks on us when we are alone, because at that time, there's no one that can help us and nothing to distract us. This can go hand-in-hand with the previously mentioned step—trying something new.

3. Forgive yourself.
I know this is a weird thing to do, but I don't want you to regret the years that you had been with her before. I don't want you to think that you have wasted your time being friends with her when you could have been meeting other people that can treat you better. In a way, it is true. However, sometimes, things happen a certain way so you can learn from your past experiences. Try to see the positive things that come out of this—and even if you can't see any, it doesn't mean there aren't any positives. Look harder.

4. Forgive her.
You have a high chance of not seeing her anymore, and spending your life disliking her won't do any good for you; disliking someone is honestly tiring. Forgiving someone is another way to cope with everything. To me it means you're really moving on and going forward with your life. It doesn't have to be today, but one day, it would be a good thing to do. I do want to say, though, that forgiving her doesn't mean you have to be friends with her again. Just being civil is enough.

I hope this will help you out a lot. Before I end, remember this: time heals almost everything. You won't be able to get better in just one day, but believe me, in time, it will be okay. In the future, you will be able to look back on this day and say to yourself everything is different and better.

With lots of love,

The Advice Column Team