The Advice Column II

307

Advice Request

This person is having trust issues.

Answered Submission 

Hey,

Frankly, I think you should put N aside for a while and focus on the other people in your life. How many times have your other friends worried about you and asked if you were okay? Aren't those the type of people you ought to think about first?

N may not be a bad person, but she clearly isn't providing you with what you need. You need a good friend to talk to and spend time with so that your sadness and loneliness is eased. Find someone who is truly willing to do that. Someone who isn't ignoring you or pushing you away.

Forget N for a moment here and look, really look, at the people around you. There must be people who care. Once you do realize who those people are, I suggest you care about them in return. Don't get too caught up with the idea of N that you forget to ask others how they are. Focus on improving the relationship you have with other people. I know it's hard to trust and open up to people, but take it slow and try to enjoy the time you spend with friends. I understand that what N is doing must be hurting you a lot, but try not to let it affect what other possible friendships you can have.

As for whether you want to be friends with N again, that's completely up to you. If, after confronting her, she is willing to treat you right and you are capable of forgiving her, then that's great. However, make it very clear to her that you will not tolerate her ignoring you or hurting you that way ever again. You deserve to be treated as a friend, not like a toy that she might not be interested in playing with one day.

Remember that, although N means a lot to you, it doesn't mean you should allow yourself to continue to get hurt by her. There are plenty of people out there who may be willing to build a beautiful friendship with you. Don't let what you once had with N stand in the way of that.

With love,

The Advice Column