The Advice Column II

275

Advice Request
The requester lies to their friends about dating someone and now isn't sure whether they should date them, as they don't want to hurt their feelings.

Answered Submission
Hey there!

I'd just like to begin with the fact that it is completely normal to not have been in a relationship before. I know that you are scared because society places so much emphasis on teenagers dating, being in relationships, etc.. It almost seems like the norm to be romantically involved. There's this "if you haven't been in a relationship, there's something wrong with you" mentality. However, trust me when I say it is completely valid to not have been in a relationship before.

Not everyone has to be interested in dating. Being a teenager really is hard and I know that because I am one. There is so much to do and so many things to experience. There's so much life ahead of us that needs to be navigated so it can be overwhelming indeed. My main point here is, focus on what you enjoy doing and have a passion for! If you have a passion for art, for example, you'll be much happier doing it than being in a relationship that you don't even want to be in to begin with, right?

In regards to the guy who asked you out, it's completely okay that you don't want to date him. You don't owe him a date if you aren't interested. If he doesn't respect the fact that you want to be friends first, he isn't worth talking to because you deserve someone who is respectful of your desires and prefrences.

I understand that you lied to your friends about having a boyfriend because peer pressure can push you to do and say things far from the truth. Isn't there a way that you can come clean to them about lying and being scared to be in a relationship? They're your friends after all; they should love and care about you. If they're true friends, they won't judge you for it. Nevertheless, if you're really uncomfortable doing that, then I suggest telling that boy what you really want because there's no point in you saying "yes" to him and being in a relationship that you don't want to be in at all. You can try saying something along the lines of, "No, but we can still be friends if you like." to make it seem less blunt.

Good luck!

Love,
The Advice Column Team