The Advice Column II

247

Advice Request
The requester is afraid their friend will commit suicide.

Answered Submission
Hi,

When you tried to help your friend before, how did you approach the subject? Did you approach it with sensitivity, or did you go straight into saying that she should stop? The way that you approach the situation of suicide and self-harm will always have an impact on what the person chooses to do. For example, if you make them feel worse about what they are doing, then they're probably not going to listen and continue to do it anyway. Whereas if you listen to them and give them a lot of support, then there is a chance that they will listen to you and seek help. The thing you have to understand is that people with any sort of mental health problem are sometimes their own worst enemy, and the situation is critical and needs to be approached with caution and sensitivity.

In my honest opinion, going behind her back and telling her friends about it as well as calling her a horrible person probably didn't help the situation and could've triggered your friend to want to hurt herself more. There is clearly something going on in her life/mind that makes her feel like she has to hurt herself, and so this should be the thing that you focus on trying to support her and help her with, rather than potentially making her feel worse about it all. Being close and growing apart and speaking every day and then barely speaking at all is bound to happen in a friendship because each person is individual and has an individual life to focus on too. I know this because I have recently just reconnected with an old friend who I haven't spoken to in almost a year.

I'd advise that, to help your friend, you should talk to each other and explain that you never meant to hurt her with what you said and did. Then offer her all of the support that you can, making sure that you also remain comfortable and don't take on too much to help her, as this could affect your mental health too. Suggest to her that she seeks professional advice and help her through that too because suicide and self-harm are both very serious situations and need to be helped and prevented as quickly as possible.

You should both focus on the things you love. Maybe you could both listen to Blackpink together or start a fan page for them—anything that takes her mind off her negative thoughts.

Good luck and stay safe,

The Advice Column Team