Our Little Star

I Need To Deal

POV: Josh

Warnings: Mentions of a breakup

-Begin Chapter-

I laid down on my bed, one hand behind my head and the other wrapped around the small dark-skinned boy at my side. His head resting on my chest, listening to my heartbeat. We both laid there, not really tired, just enjoying each other's company.

I felt the need to talk to Tobi but I didn't know how to start it.

Apparently, Tobi felt the same need because he began to speak.

"Josh." He called, his hand resting on my chest.

"Yeah." I replied, looking down at him, his dark eyes meeting mine.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

It felt like an odd question.

"I'm good. Never been better actually."

"No Josh." He said, sitting up, and turning to look down at me. "I mean, like, how do you feel?"

"I don't know what you mean Tobi." I replied, a little annoyed.

He sighed, shaking his head before he looked at me again, his eyes full of worry.

"Josh." He said slowly. "How are feeling from when you and Freya broke up?"

I froze. I haven't thought about Freya in months it feels like. I was so worried about Vik, then Simon, then Harry, and now Tobi, I never let myself think of her or myself really for that matter. I was too worried about everyone else.

I kept quiet, my gaze turning to the ceiling as I let my mind finally think about me. Don't get me wrong. I love caring about the others, it's what makes me happy the most, seeing them happy.

Now I guess I should focus on me or I may not be able to keep them happy again.

I turned my thoughts back to the day Freya and I broke up. We were on Skype, just casually chatting about nothing, both of us slightly distracted. I worried about Vik, her worried about something else entirely.

I heard her take a deep breath before she spoke to me.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?" I answered, turning my attention to her face on the screen. She looked slightly sad. "What's wrong Freya?" I asked, confused.

"Josh." She paused before continuing. "I think we need to break up."

I felt my self-froze.

"What?" I asked slowly, unsure.

"Josh." She said, frustrated. "We barely talk anymore. Halftime you mind is elsewhere and I can't take it anymore! I feel like we are going nowhere. Josh, we have been going out for years and you have made no hint to us ever getting married, let alone having children! Josh, I can't take it! I'm sorry its over!"

"But Freya!" I called out.

"Goodbye, Josh." With that she ended our connection, leaving me in silence.

I sat there for a minute, trying to figure out what had just happened.

Freya had just broken up with me. My girlfriend of so many years dumped me because she didn't feel like we had a future. I was distracted and she noticed. Granted it's not like I could tell her about it or anything. I mean, I was worried about Vik leaving the Sidemen, more than I should be and I knew she would judge me, so I didn't tell her.

I thought back and realized she was right, I had given her no indication of a real future together. It was like I was holding onto her because she was there but I wasn't planning on going anywhere with her.

I let my mind go for a little bit more before I was interrupted by a sad Simon coming into my room. I immediately turned off what I was thinking and shoved it to the side and turned my attention to the worried blonde. My thought was I could deal with all of this later.

Well, I guess now it is later.

"I don't know Tobi," I replied honestly, moving my hand to absentmindedly stroke his back as I spoke. "I mean, I haven't had a chance to really think about how I felt about it, what with dealing with Vik possibly leaving and all."

I let myself go silent again, taking a moment to think over what I was going to say.

"Tobi." I started.

"Yeah?"

"Did I ever tell you why Freya and I broke up?"

Tobi paused before answering. "No bro, I don't think so. Do you want to tell me?"

I thought for a moment before realizing that I should. I can't hold this back anymore. It's not healthy.

"Yeah, I do. I need to get this out. I can't let it sit in me and fester." I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment, allowing myself some peace before I began speaking.

"She left me because." I paused, not wanting to continue, but I knew I had to. "Tobi, she left me because I wasn't giving her any hope for the future."

-End Chapter-

A/N: At least someone is admitting that they need to deal with their shit. Now let's see how it goes in the next chapter!

I hope you enjoyed reading and may your day be filled with love, smiles, and laughs.