Bungo stray dogs One Shots

Fukumori - Rant

It was really annoying. REALLY annoying. More annoying than having to tie your shoe twice after a minute. More annoying than people storming into your room when you just want to have some peace and quiet. More annoying than others showering you with tasks when you already have a whole pile of work in front of you.

Mori felt like screaming. He felt like every day took a little more of his time on earth. Annoyed to the core. It annoyed him that people couldn't see or do the obvious. Like people walking next to each other like a wall while another person has to pass by. Like people talking too loud while everyone is silent. It was so oblivious and only frustrating. The sexual tension between the two other Soukoku pairs was unbearable.

Akutagwa and Atsushi were always fighting. They cut off some legs, you know the usual. Still between all the fighting and talk like "I will kill you" they were always saving each other. They've become more close nowadays, going shopping together. Both of them didn't have a nice childhood being too poor to have enough money. Their mindset wouldn't change within a day, obviously, trying to save enough money for bad times. Painfully obvious when Atsushi got angry at Dazai, who once again forgot that his former apprentice even existed.

When speaking about Dazai, one sees that he is even worse than the shin Soukoku pair. The man who said he didn't like man "like that". The man who tried to kill himself with a beautiful woman. The man who was always flirting – and then shoving Chuuya in his crotch. Yes Mori knew about that. He had looked through some cameras to find some ability users and some funny scenes after the Dead Apple incident. He did find for example the Hirotsu copy taking a smoke. Like the usual Hirotus, huh?

Chuuya was even worse. The small man would always deny his feelings and say that he hated this waste of bandages. He would threaten Dazai, saying he would kill that waste of bandages. At the same time he would free the traitor, he would drink all night when Dazai left out of "celebration". What a nice celebration with tears of "happiness". Truly annoying.

The sexual tension did hinder some of the Soukoku mission. Always fighting and screaming and denying. It also slowed down the work ethic in the mafia. Once again they were fighting, everyone annoyed and frustrated at how obvious they were. Though nobody would say anything since everyone was scared about the reaction of the brunette. He was scary when denying – and when being jealous. Though it also raised the general mood in the mafia. Surprising? Many members were part of the Soukoku shippers. There were underground bets about when they would confess. Laughing and joking about their obvious gestures.

From times to times the frustration overwhelmed the mafia boss. Then he would get angry and rant. He wouldn't scream or punch into a pillow – that wasn't the style of a mafia boss. But from times to times he would rant about it with others. With Koyo only about Atusushi and Akutagawa. She still despised Dazai for stealing and hurting her son. Therefore she would never recognize the sexual tension even though it hit her in the face.

So for the original Soukoku ship he had to rant towards others. Nobody from the mafia. They were mostly too scared talking with their boss who could kill them with the snap of a finger. Therefore the only option left was his husband.

"Please end my suffering, Yukichi", the mafia boss sighed as he opened the front door to their home.

Even though no blush formed on the cheeks of the older male, he actually was caught off guard – he was just good at hiding it. Never would he let the mafia boss see him blush. After all Mori was a sadist. No one would know how he would use that to his advantage or how he would react...

Therefore the only obvious reply was: "I already tried dear"

"Do it seriously this time... Why do we exist, just to suffer? Can you believe that they are fighting AGAIN?!", the black haired male threw his hands up.

"I heard some people start writing about their love proposals in some books. It's called fanfiction and it's good for frustrated people", the agency boss looked down on his book again. 'How to lure cats' this one better work for once...

His husband however ignored that advice and kept on rambling. "Do you know what happened today? Dazai thought it would be funny to spray paint one of Chuuyas cars pink! Like how could he think that wouldn't piss him off?!"

"Pink is a nice color", the agency boss skipped to the next page. He already tried out the former method. Not to say it was a failure once again. Couldn't he just pat cute furballs in peace? He didn't even have that much of an advantage like Natsume. Though his Sensei once said that being near cats would attract unwanted attention from them. So in short Natsume-sensei got hit on by a cat and he felt quite awkward about it. Apparently it happens a lot...

"Chuuya is no one who would care about so called "feminine" colors. He has a few pink cars indeed. But even I know that spray paint is NOT good for your car. I know this much and for me a car only has to be functional... How can someone be so smart yet so dumb?", Mori put his keys on the wardrobe while sighing. After taking off his shoes he fell down onto the sofa next to Fukuzawa.

"Hmmm...", Fukuzawa made a noise in anticipation. This trick with some food could actually work...

"And now Chuuya is refusing to talk with his boyfriend... do I once again have to help them? Do you know how many divorces I have stopped until now? Too many. Really, like that one time Dazai filled Chuuyas whole house with rubber ducks-"

"Which house?", the white haired male cut him off.

"Ah, so now you pay attention? The biggest one. A few millions of ducks. What a waste of money... Even though Chuuya handed them to all charity organizations we knew and to some poor children there's still a ROOM LEFT!"

Fukuzawa chuckled a bit. A rare side. The rationalist couldn't help but blush at the cuteness. But only a bit of course. "Stay serious now! Chuuya was about to commit a murder I haven't planned!"

However the older male couldn't stay serious. Soon after the rationalist followed. While Fukuzawas laugh was almost non-heard, almost unnoticeable with just a very slight glint of a smile Moris laugh was loud. Really loud, he normally suppressed these emotions but when they were together he couldn't help himself. It wasn't his "normal" fake laugh, but his real creepy laugh. The one that would make shivers creeping down your spine. The one you would imagine a serial killer had. Moris laugh was awful and creepy but Fukuzawa liked it kind of. He already liked Mori, a rationalist mafia boss with seemingly no heart, so what's a little more weird taste?

"But he seriously has to stop doing SO MANY pranks... Otherwise I will be even more devasted that Soukoku lost it's canon status and Koyo would probably party so hard that she can't work the next day...", the rationalist issued his concerns.

Just as he said that his phone ringed. The rationalist looked a bit concerned. Normally nobody would write him so late on his work phone. Especially since it was the ringtone he put in for Koyo.

He opened it and looked at the screen. Fukuzawa was paying full attention now. He was worried that his husband had to leave again. One because Mori had already worked overtime. Two because the Mafia having an emergency was no fun for anyone, especially not the city...

Due to this the tall male was a bit surprised when the rationalist once again started laughing whole heartedly. Mori couldn't catch his breath for a few minutes. Since he was unable to speak he just held the phone in front of Fukuzawa.

It was a mail from Koyo: "Hello Boss, since this is an emergency I allowed myself to write you a mail on your work phone. Chuuya pranked Dazai back. He stole all of his toilet paper without him noticing. Let's see when he's going to notice that..."

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Here I am again! I actually wanted to start writing sooner but guess I will just have to do less chapters right before my exams xD I'm so stressed so please forgive me for only writing three chapters this time ;-;

But before going on to the next chapter I'm gonna annoy y'all with an amazing book from @MintBeilschmidt Some Fukumori headcanons which I totally agree to so if you stan Fukumori as much as I do then let me recommend-