Bungo stray dogs One Shots

Odango - Time

Time is such a weird thing. It's never consistent. At times a second feels as if the whole world has stopped. Or a second feels like everything is going too fast. Time is such a weird thing it never follows any rules when to do what.

For example when you're about to kiss and the whole world feels like it has stopped breathing. Yet at the same time when somebody breaks up with you, it feels like your whole world, as well as time, will shatter. Time doesn't differentiate between good and bad. It follows no rules.

Time can feel infinite. Yet when the infinite is over it felt way too short. It's not bound by rules. Not bound by emotions. Time is ruled by no one.

Though the one most important thing, the only existing rule, is the most tragic yet most wonderful of all. It is that time cannot be reversed. It cannot be undone. It can never be changed or rewritten. Time is fragile and limited. Yet who are we humans but to see the beauty in the breakable?

Never will a rock be seen as wonderful as a delicate flower. A flower that will wither away soon enough even if you care for it. Time is not beautiful because it's solid but because it's breakable. Because the time we spent with others is something precious we have in our hands. Because it's a time we have to treasure and that is so beautiful, we might not recognize it at first.

Time can never be reversed. The past is something out of reach. All our faults, our emotions yet also our happiness and emotions lie within it. All secured, even if they broke someone.

Yes, it truly is a hard truth to accept. That something you have done or said is not to be reversed. That you can shatter something within seconds. That the small stain on your wonderful white fabric of life will never be reversed.

Ango took a deep breath. He felt like throwing up right now. It was as if all the guilt he tried to keep in his heart slowly ate him up. It was as if everyone was looking at him. Judging stares that weighed him down.

He felt a lump in his throat. He didn't deserve any of this. No happiness, not this.

Not after sacrificing Odasaku. Odasaku was still alive at least yet that didn't change the fact that Ango tried to poison him. That Ango had willingly sold him for the life of others. That Ango had betrayed him despite Odasaku always wanting the best for Ango back in the days.

Ango closed his eyes. He had to calm down now. Though his mind was going to do the exact opposite now. Images of Odasaku lying in that puddle of blood flushed in front of his eyes. The children screaming in the van. He didn't kill them yet he was a factor of that as well.

Even if he thought about it, he felt like the most disgusting person there was. Even after all this, even after doing all this to Odasaku he still loved him. He still had these raging emotions of love screaming at him. And they mixed with guilt? They always left a bitter aftertaste.

There were times when Ango thought about taking his own life. After all, he wasn't worth anything anymore. He was only a trashy exception of a human. He was as twisted as Mori by killing the man he loved.

How could he do that? Wasn't love supposed to be absolute? Wasn't it about giving your partner the whole world? Yet when thinking about saving Odasaku or the world Ango would immediately choose the world.

It wasn't about love more about logic for Ango. How could he live happily in a world after sacrificing thousands for his selfish desire? He would rather kill himself after that than destroy all happiness. At times Ango even dared to think that Odasaku would be happier about his decision...

He would do it. It was only a forward a small step forward. It felt weird to be walking towards the end. At a time where seconds would feel like hours. Where you felt like everybody was looking at you. How they could look into your deepest core. The despair you felt.

Seconds feeling like hours. Yet the time seemed to come so soon as well. It was a paradox he knew that. Yet it was just how it felt.

One step was missing now. One step to reach the end. What would come after it? Happiness? Sadness? Nothing? Or would there be no changes? How can you know what will come after an end?

That was yet another thing that was so frightening yet soothing about time. You would never know what would await you. If an era finished then there was nothing you could do about it.

Whether you laugh or cry, it lies within your hands. It might be extremely difficult. And some things just cannot be changed after all. But not doing anything? That won't help you at all. So you have to decide if you want to end an era. If you want to go towards the end.

Do you deserve to end it? No. You have stained the fabric. Destroyed its pureness yourself. You have done something irreversible. Though the only thing you can do against it is to do better in the past.

To do better in the past because we humans are foolish. We are strong and we will stand up again. A fault lies in the past not in the present. We can learn from it. Stand up. The stain will always stay but we can try to change it. A stain can become a flower with creativity and love. It will stay a stain forever but you can at least lessen its ugliness.

Ango exhaled and looked forward. His eyes open again. He was about to do the last step. To end an era. To finally take this guilt and these feelings that he felt all the time. He didn't deserve this fast end but he was a fool just like everyone. So as long as he had made up for it, it was fine. As long as Odasaku finally was happy, it was fine.

An end should normally be painful. But looking back now it only seemed like a cruel fault. A deadly one. The last step was taken. Ango smiled. Even now he wasn't free from the guilt but he suddenly felt so... relaxed.

Ango looked at his soon-to-be-husband that was now standing right in front of him at the aisle. He had taken his time to answer his proposal. To think if he could live his dream. But time was a weird thing. It kept on flowing no matter what. So Ango decided to keep the guilt in his heart but that he would never let it consume him again.

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Hehehehe... REVERSE ANGST! Has anybody guessed this? Well, well well hope you enjoyed it! I found it fun to write though it is a bit weird at times (It just doesn't sound right, ya know?)... But hey as long as someone enjoyed it!

This was requested by Shibusawa_kin (amazing person) and ByulComet (or at least both of them wanted Odango uwu)