Bungo stray dogs One Shots

Odango - Life

Sometimes you have to appreciate to be alive. Yes sometimes you just realize how amazing it is to be here and to be breathing. How amazing it is that YOU were born, you as your own individual totally amazing person.

Sometimes you have to appreciate live. Of course it can be absolutely horrible at times. But then you can still focus on yourself. Your senses.

Can you smell? Then take a deep breath. Smell the flowers in the garden, the park, the flower shop. Smell the perfume or deo you got last week. Smell the food you are cooking. All the different spices, isn't that in itself just amazing. Taste them as well! All those unique flavors in the world.

And hearing! If you can hear you can appreciate the little things as well. Not only music, no also the small sounds when someone walks. The sound water makes. Rain. The clicking of the keyboard. The rustling of someone opening a bag of chips next to you in class. It's the little things as well

Those who can see are also blessed. Colors. Just colors. The bright red, some warm yellow. The leaves that turn from green to bright red in autumn. You watching a film or reading something. Or just watching people. How they dress, how they all look unique. How everyone behaves differently. Observing others sure is interesting

And then there was feeling. Don't get Odasaku started on this one. Feeling was just wonderful. The rough structure of concrete. The soft one of fabric. The cold and perfect one of metal. And most importantly: This kind of softness of skin.

Just being together with other human beings was amazing in itself. Everyone unique. You could hear them all differently and at different proportions. You could see them dressed differently or at least behaving differently.

And you could touch them. Touch their skin. Feel their heartbeat, feel their warmth. You could literally see how amazing life was just by looking at someone else. Someone that was also alive. Someone that was smiling, crying, feeling so much just like you do.

Before Odasaku had felt dead. Really sometimes back in his other job before the mafia he waited for a day where the other one wouldn't miss. He was a little bit scared but he wouldn't miss anything in life. He thought he wouldn't miss the bodies on the floor that held nothing within them anymore. Nothing unique. He thought he wouldn't miss the coldness of the world or the stench of iron.

He really didn't live. The only thing he would probably miss was curry. But then he was shown a little kindness. A little gesture nothing else. After being betrayed and once again taken advantage of someone extended his hand. Not much but it was enough to feel a bit of warmth.

And now Odasaku appreciated every little warmth he could get. He appreciated every little warmth from others, from seeing that they were alive. Their skin, their heartbeat, their general warmth. This whole feeling was so different from the ones when he was an assassin.

Odasaku also appreciated fabric and heaters. Really they were so different from the abandoned buildings he would reside in from time to time. It had that certain feeling of home. This feeling of safety you couldn't ignore. And adding a hot beverage to that? That was peak happiness right there.

Odasaku didn't care for hell, heaven, reincarnation, paradise or anything else there could be. For him living on earth had been like hell but also had become his little paradise. Dazai always wondered what was prepared for them but how did it matter? Odasaku first wanted to concentrate on this, on his life. Death would come sooner or later so he better use all he had to have a little bit more of his personal paradise...

And at the moment that was right here, in his house. In his house next to his heater. Next to his heater draped in his blanket. Wrapped in his blanket while cuddling Ango.

Feeling the warmth of his lover, Ango's small breathing, feeling his heartbeat. Odasaku felt like he would die from happiness at the moment. Ango had fallen asleep about an hour ago and Odasaku hadn't moved since. It had been a while since the government official had finally caught a few hours of sleep. It also had been a while until Odasaku felt his lovers warmth since Ango wasn't someone to usually cuddle. Odasaku on the other hand was like a giant golden retriever wanting all the attention and cuddles from his lover that he could get.

Right now this was a moment where he could also just appreciate Ango's beauty. Dazai always questioned what Odasaku liked about Ango because he 'looked like a Panda'. Though that was also beautiful. It showed Ango's dedication to his job. His morals for trying his best every day to save others. Plus it showed how much workload he had when Dazai was either in the mood to fool around or to annoy Ango.

It was also unusual for Ango to be sleeping in front of anyone. It made him defenseless and vulnerable. So for Odasaku it was a great honor that Ango just fell asleep like that. That he even used him as a pillow. Odasaku loved that man so much he would literally give him anything if he asked. Even if he did betray him and everything. As long as Ango thought it was absolutely necessary then Odasaku would give up his life for him. If it was just this then he would gladly do so. The only exception was at killing children. That would be even for Odasaku too much after he had spent so much time with... with the kids.

Very carefully Odasaku took Ango's wrist. It was more like an instinct to feel the other ones heartbeat. To make sure that he was still alive. Every time he felt sad and empty because of the children dying he took Ango's wrist. Or Dazai if Ango wasn't around. Or basically anyone else he liked. But preferably Ango's wrist.

Odasaku couldn't turn back time. He couldn't make them come back to life. They were gone and gone forever. Never really living their life. And it was breaking Odasaku's heart that HE was the one who survived. That he was the one even though he didn't deserve it one bit. Whenever he felt that sadness and emptiness he tried to focus on the single moments that were slowly passing by. Hearing. Seeing. Smelling. And most importantly feeling a heartbeat. Feeling that someone was beside him. Someone who was still breathing. That his life wasn't that lonely and that there were still people around him. That he wasn't alone.

And so he took a few breath. Very carefully. Quietly. He tried to calm himself. Focus.

Ba-thump

Ba-thump

Ba-thump

Every once again his paradise would turn into hell again. Every now and then everything would turn horrible in a moment. Being darkened by his past mistakes. Him killing others. Him not saving the kids. Him not being worth anything. But then he tried to concentrate.

Even if he wasn't worth it he was still alive. So he would better use life to it's fullest if other weren't granted that much time. If life was selfish and took the most beautiful flowers first. Then he would keep on living. Keep on breathing for all the others who couldn't. For all the others who deserved to.

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That was shorter than usual but hey, hope you enjoyed it uwu Kinda felt VERY different than all the other ones so I hope you appreciate this as well...?

To the fanart book I promised two comments: Please be patient I'm uploading it today. I might have been too lazy and then forgot it from time to time... Oops- ( ._.)