Bungo stray dogs One Shots

Fukumori - Almost

Do you know this feeling when the world suddenly stops? As if the importance of the moment has taken over even the laws of physics. Everything stops and is focused on that one little moment. It's an insane feeling.

It comes with variety. There are so many different scenarios to choose from. Like when you kiss someone you like for the first time. The time your lips almost touch. There's a sensation tingling in your stomach. You feel nervous and excited. This moment is where something ALMOST happens.

Another example would be when you're just about to receive an answer to your confession. You wait and wait and then the moment finally comes. Seconds feel like minutes and minutes like hours. You have to be brave and confident to stand there, to live through the almost.

It's amazing how many people do go through an almost without a problem. They stand there and have very few reactions. They seem to have everything in control. Mori is one of them. Obviously. As a mafia boss, you have to have no reaction. No emotions to be shown. No weakness you should reveal.

However, just because you don't show it doesn't mean you don't feel anything. Sometimes those who seem okay are the most broken ones. Sometimes a smile can hide a whirlwind of emotions. Sometimes people don't see that only you try to keep the pieces in place with no glue.

There were many with that kind of problem in the mafia, not only Mori. Dazai was a prime example so that's quite natural to understand. It was just that the mafia was so broken within that the only thing one could do to protect themselves was to keep the only thing they had left intact: Themselves.

Still this moment of 'almost' was something that could, depending on the situation, bring out the other ones feelings depending on how strong they were. For example, Koyo had shown her feelings once as she was nervous about whether Yosano would still accept her if she knew everything that she had done. Or Akutagawa broke down while confessing his love by immediatly attacking Atsushi out of shame. Did Dazai break his front at least once? Who knows...

So after all this time, the only ones who kept their really broken shards together were Mori and Dazai. Mori could always keep up his front was what he had boasted about. He said that he knew how to contain his emotions. That nothing could make him lose his front. No kiss and nothing further than that. Not even a breakup. He knew that he was unlovable anyway. He was prepared for every situation. He thought it wouldn't be a problem.

And he would have almost believed that. He thought that he would be okay in every situation but he was wrong. He was wrong. Wrong. Wrong, wrong wrongwrong-

"No", Mori mumbled. Only that single word showed more emotions than it usually would. Was it regret or frustration within it? Who knows.

Mori was prepared for a breakup. He was prepared for unrequited love. He was prepared for almost everything. But not for that. Not for that. Not for Fukuzawa lying on the ground. Blood, so much blood, was coming out from his side. How long had he been laying there? Who knows.

Seconds felt like minutes. As if the whole world stopped only for Mori to take in this sight in front of him.

That can't be.

Mori ran over to his husband. He skipped over the unconcious bodies the assassin had taken care of. They were still alive yet the only reason they could win was by slowly poisining Fukuzawa. Even after growing older Fukuzawa was pretty hard to beat...

It felt like hours until Mori arrived. After Mori took his blood-red scarf and pressed it onto the other one's side. Who knows how long he had been lying there. Mori felt like throwing up. But he kept pressing the fabric onto the wound.

It was a sight that shouldn't really impress him. It was a sight that he had seen so many times. A scene that was burnt inside his memory. Soldiers laying on the side. Everywhere you looked you could find dead bodies or those who were on the brink of death. Maybe that was why Mori lost to his emotions. Maybe it was because he had seen how hopeless such a fight was on a battlefield.

"I told you you should take more members with you", Mori let out a frustrated chuckle and clenched his hands harder onto the fabric. He only said it while Fukuzawa was leaving for work. Now he wished that he had told him more firmly.

It was his fault. His fault that his husband was on the brink of death. Was Fukuzawa unconcious already or was he only paralyzed by the poison? Mori couldn't tell right now. He was shaking a bit. The only thing he did was press onto the wound firmly hoping that Yosano would arrive soon enough.

Mori was prepared for almost everything but not for the person he loved leaving this life. He wasn't prepared to see a dead body of someone he loved which he caused himself. He wasn't ready to kill those feelings after admitting them. He wasn't- he wasn't ready.

"Please let this be a dream", Mori mumbled and pressed the scarf even tighter. Even though the blood did not show through the color there was this wet feeling.

"Wake up...", Mori whispered. He wasn't ready. Seconds felt like minutes. Minutes felt like hours.

His heart stopped as he saw how slowly Fukuzawa's breathing pattern became shallow. How the tensed-up muscles slowly losened one by one. NO! No. Nononononononono!

Mori said nothing. Not even a word this time. The mafia boss only sat there in silence. No words could describe how he felt right now. Not that it would matter nobody could hear them anyway. Only a slowly dying body beneath him. And he was the one who put it there.

Plop.

When was the last time? Mori didn't remember. It must have been somewhere in the childhood he didn't want to remember. He wasn't someone to do that anyway. He would never and had seen no reason to. But now? Now he did cry a little. A single tear rolled down his cheek and onto the scarf that was drenched in blood. It was the only thing that could even express a little portion of what he was feeling.

And then everything was gone. As if a void had eaten all his emotions. Nothing remained. Like it had always been. Because Mori didn't deserve any happiness and he would only drag others down.

Fwsh.

A knife was sliding through the air right beside him. It cut open Fukuzawa's throat but Mori didn't care. The only saviour would have to arrive this second or-

"What are crouching there, hm? Not really befitting for a mafia boss. Although... I would really love to see you under the dirt", a known voice said. It belonged to the female doctor of the agency. Still standing in the entrance with her arm in the front since she threw the knife to almost kill her chef.

"You're quite late dear. Doesn't the detective agency have any schedules?~", Mori mocked Yosano as he stood up. He had wiped the tears away sneakily and immediatly put on a smile. He felt relieved but he wouldn't show such a weakness now. He had to keep his facade.

"Oh was it too tedious to hold your stupid scarf onto that wound?", Yosano said coldy paired with a smile.

"You know me too well, huh? Then if you will excuse me unlike you I have to keep up with a scheduel~", Mori said and wiped off some dust off his pants. He then left the room while trying not to shake from the aftermath. He couldn't let anyone see. Never.

"Tch. Asshole. Not even faced by his own husband almost dying... Anyway chef do you want me to almost kill you again or do you plan to finally stand up now?", Yosano sighed.

"I might have seen something I never thought existed...", was the only thing Fukuzawa mumbled...

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Yay only 2 chapters to go and it's already the last day! I hope I finish it in time lol... Anyway hope you enjoyed me trying to break Mori a little (felt a bit off but whatever)... So this is the only thing I can imagine where Mori breaks down and really cries, what do you guys/girls/amazing persons think? :3