Bungo stray dogs One Shots

Odango - WHY?

It was a cold winter day. Really cold. So cold that you didn't want to leave your room and just cower in front of the heater all day long. Or stay inside the warm blanket of your bed. Tough life was nothing that would even allow you to sit still. Ango never really stopped. He worked, worked, worked. Even when being with his friends he "worked".

If he could still call them friends. After all he lied to them, humiliated them, betrayed them. He was the worst of the worst. Someone you wouldn't want to call a friend. He betrayed his last job. Yes it WAS the Mafia but they still held a grudge against him.

Dazai was angry at him. It took Odasaku 5 years to recover from the wound. 5 years to wake up from the coma Ango had caused. He had caused him more trouble than anyone had before. He indirectly killed Odasaku's kids. If he had known that this would happen, what would he have done? Save thousands of people by still doing it or sparing their life and killing others as a price? He was glad he hadn't known it. Ignorance was a bliss indeed.

Dazai was still angry at Ango. Angry was an understatement. Ango received angry letters every day threatening him. They were very clear reflecting the image of the greatest torturer known in the Port Mafia if not the whole of Japan. The words were cruel, piercing and blaming Ango all the time.

But he lived with it. There was no other way but to cope with it. The past is in the past. You cannot change the flow of time. What has happened has happened. Living in regret will give you nothing. If you just linger after all those embarrassing, weird or even just happy moments you will forget the life you are living right now. You will forget the hell earth can be. The monsters living inside people. But if you forget this then you're dead. If you forget your present life then you will be swallowed, never existing but still existing. Regret can be helpful, cannot be left behind. You just have to fight against it before it kills you and your whole being.

Many other Mafia members felt resentment. Chuuya hated Ango before as well. He saw him as a traitor, someone hurting his precious family. Indeed it had been tough for Ango losing all his friends from his double life. Though as time continued Chuuya became a great ally. Mostly because Dazai betrayed them way worse and the small red head was so angry that he instantly forgave Ango. Very much to the dismay of Dazai. That jealousy probably made the death threats worse.

Mori was indifferent. The rationalist held no grudge. He had gotten what he wanted. If he saw Ango as a threat he would have had him executed the second he heard about the deal. They had a deal and it was sealed. Mori even sometimes asked Ango to come back to the Mafia. Apparently the archive was such a mess sometimes that the Mafia boss himself had to cover up and sort out the important documents that only the highest members were allowed to take a glance at. So every once in a while, when work was so annoying and tiring that Ango had enough, he would just sneak out. Get into the archive and then surrounded by old paper and dust with a comfy and warm atmosphere sort some documents into their place. Neat and tidy, completing a perfect order. It was just too satisfying to see all files lined up perfectly.

And then there was the man that had been the victim of this whole plot. The man who had almost died. The man who lost everything he held dear. The man Ango took everything from. Odasaku. Odasaku was quite simple. That probably also came from his assassin past. He just wanted some good curry, a roof over his head and a good book. He laughed even in he most crucial times always having a clear plan. Or so it seemed. The red head actually had no clue what he was doing 99% in the time in the mafia. He just winged it. Ango sighed. Nobody could just "wing" disabling a bomb with just any ability.

Odasaku was fine. Or so he said. He had left the mafia a while ago. Technically he was still in it, but as a writer. Mori sponsored his writing and then also published it with his company. The salary was more than any writer could dream of and his books were quite popular for a novice writer. Part of this was due to Mori not wanting the assassin to kill him so he gave the simple man all he wished for. And the simple man was happy. No grudge. Odasaku just regretted that HE couldn't have been there earlier for the kids.

The man was too easy, too cute. And there was the last problem. Ango not only saw Odasaku as a dear friend but also had fallen for him as the time went on. He did not only try to kill his friend but the person he loved. He was the absolute worst. It even hurt more as Odasaku forgave him. As Odasaku laughed with him. The red head never distanced himself from Ango. It made Ango want to scream. How simple can you be?!

Today again the red head sat in Angos house. They were drinking some whisky just chatting. This has happened surprisingly often. Sometimes when Ango came home he would just sit there waiting for him. Creepy at first but it had been a habit of Odasaku due to his past and well... due to his weird best friend Dazai.

All of these thoughts happened in Angos head as Odasaku told the other male about his newest idea for his book. The regret that would suddenly attack, that would try to swallow you whole. Odasaku must have realized by now that the other partner in the conversation didn't really pay attention since he stopped after a while looking at the brown haired male.

"Everything all right? Are you hungry? Did you sleep enough? I know you are a workaholic but you shouldn't overwork yourself", Odasaku said as he slowly got up to make the small male a sandwich. The mother instinct was kicking in, huh?

"Why?"

"Because I'm worried", Odasaku tilted his head in confusion.

"Why are you so nice to me? Why do you talk with me? Why-", Angos voice cracked a little "Why do you still like me? I'm the worst! I betrayed you all! I KILLED them. It was my fault, even if it was done by someone other. I-".

All the feelings, all the regret Ango had tried to held in suddenly overflowed. It was like swimming towards a waterfall. Ango thought he was fine. Thought he could fight the regret. Hold it in by himself. But it was like swimming towards a waterfall. When you pass the point of regret there is no going back. One day you will reach the cliff, the end. One day you will fall and all your sorrow will overflow without you being able to stop it.

Odasaku sat back down. This time next to the brown haired male. He gently took his head which made giant tears run down the government agents face. Ango never cried but this time? It was too much. He broke. It was his fault. Why should he be forgiven?

"You did what you thought was best", the red head gently rubbed the hand of his friend. He gave him a reassuring smile.

"I was your friend and I betrayed you! We weren't even that close so why would you-", another sob escaped his mouth. He was so pitiful. So-

"Because I love you"

A silence filled the room. Ango wasn't sure if he heard that right. Did this simple man really just tell him that to keep him from crying? To keep him from regretting. But as he looked in Odasaku's eyes he could see: he was dead serious. In the normally aloof and tired eyes was this burning gaze.

"I love you Ango. That day I felt so helpless that I wished I was dead. I had lost my home. The kids. I didn't know if you were okay. I felt like they took everything that was important to me. I was devasted. I wanted him dead. Wanted to be strong, to protect at least one person. You saw it as the only method to help others, right? If I had been stronger then I could have done something more. Then I could have protected them, protected you. We all blame ourself for what has happened but we cannot turn it back. I love you so please don't cry. Please don't expect me to hate you. If you really love a person your heart is tainted. Then it can never feel anything other than love towards that one person", while Odasaku spoke he looked Ango in the eyes. He meant it.

Maybe the love Ango felt wasn't so hopeless. Maybe the two of them could share their regret, share the rest of their lives. This time the tears flowing out of his eyes were those of happiness.

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Yaaay some Odango with some deep Ango monolog. Hope you liked it to all the ones who requested this :3 I love this ship they are just too cute ;-;

Btw I actually once drew some Odango fanart in my art class and applied to an art competition... I got second place lol. I just thought that's funny... hahhah... it's not, I shall go back to my corner now byeeeeeeeeeee