Bungo stray dogs One Shots

Soukoku - Purpose.

Warning: Heavy themes I guess... About existence and all that stuff so beware uwu

"Heeeey Chuuya~!", an annoying voice was echoing through the streets. It belonged to a certain brunette whose body was fully covered in bandages. Oh, and who was happily hopping over the sidewalk towards a certain redhead.

"What do you want, you waste of space?!", Chuuya barked back. He just had no energy for this after working overtime! Not that Dazai would even do anything OUTSIDE workhours! It just pissed off Chuuya even more once he thought about that!

Still, there was no escape. Dazai was a master at moving through a crowd, even more than Chuuya. Plus he was the one chasing the mafioso. Even if – when we're talking about it truthfully – his longer steps were probably the most effective advantage he had.

"I", Dazai laid his hand on his chest and looked into the sky, "have become the researcher of humanity! I shall leave all selfish reasons and mortal ideas behind just to find the answer! The answer to the question we've all been asking! The question-".

"' Mortal ideas'? Isn't that now a fancy way of saying you left Kunikida to work on his own once again..?", Chuuya sighed. His boyfriend had NO common sense. Or at least not when it was about his inconvenience...

"PSHHH! I wasn't ready!", Dazai pouted and dramatically crouched down so he could be at 'the same height. "The question of why we exissssst-". He hissed the last syllables. Not because he wanted to be just a tad extra dramatic but because Chuuya had kicked him in the shin.

"Cool. Good luck", Chuuya said while leaving the wounded man. He looked at the grocery shopping list. Another task Dazai would never do and also should never do. Chuuya was a good cook and he wasn't ready to eat whatever Dazai was preparing and calling 'food'...

"NOOO! Chibi you should answer meeee~ Why continue living?", Dazai made a few big steps to stop the ginger from continuing. Even though he wasn't an intimidating wall for the man who controlled gravity. Just as effective as the wall that should hold off titans, huh?

"Nah", Chuuya just walked past his now pouting boyfriend. He was just tired and wanted to go home. There was no reason behind Dazai's weird games after all.

"So the boss just said cats. Atsushi said food. Kunikida talked about being a good person. Yosano said love and started to talk about her wife for an hour-"

"Only an hour?"

"Yeah, I switched with Atsushi as soon as I saw my chance to escape. He will be a memorable sacrifice...", Dazai sighed and looked towards the sky.

"He will be remembered", Chuuya nodded. He knew how long Koyo would talk about Yosano so that gave him an idea of how long the tiger would be forced to stay in office...

Dazai now started going after Chuuya and was walking backward in front of him. "So what's your reason? Why do you keep on living?", Dazai said with a big grin on his face. He smiled not letting anything slip.

It was the perfect mask he was always wearing after all. He was so accustomed to the cheeriness he wore that it just became a part of him. He had already mastered faking it after just a short period. Playing the happy and playful colleague he should always be.

There was no reason not to, right? He was aware of all the feelings toward him. He knew all the hatred and the laughter he caused. But he did not care a little thing about it. The only thing he needed was to wear his mask.

To wear the mask whenever he didn't feel like himself. So that others couldn't see the truth. Because they should never see that even Dazai had dark days. That he was just as scared about death as anyone else. Because what does a murderer deserve otherwise?

Not that Dazai would change anything. He did what he did and he was okay with it. Just as he was okay with saving others. He was as indifferent as the world was about anything else. Humans die and survive all the time.

His mask had become a part of him. So much that at times he wouldn't even feel it when he put it on. It felt as necessary as breathing. This playful grin. This dramatic talking. These stupid ideas. It was a mask he put on when he was sad. A mask that is even more extreme than his usual playfulness.

Still, right now his whole body was tense under the mask. His fingers clawed into his skin leaving traces of blood behind. His real expression wasn't a grin. It was an intense frown of a horrible monster. A cry of helplessness.

He stood there in front of the person he loved but there was just no help from the other side! He demanded it, and pleaded for it! But with his mask, it was difficult to show his real sincerity.

Cats didn't matter. They would die even sooner than humans. Affection for them was wasted, even though less wasted than on those beasts called dogs.

Food didn't matter. It would spoil and turn rotten. It would once again go back to the circle of life but it would never truly mean something except nourishment

Well didn't matter. After all good and bad were all the same for Dazai. The world was just as indifferent as he was. What should anything change about a dark world when you only carry a matchstick? Even in the face of death good deeds didn't matter...

Love didn't matter. It was just a feeling passing on. An emotion you felt in the moment. It could be passing any second and you won't even fully remember it after all. And even then you would just leave all your loved ones behind with death.

It was not that Dazai didn't love his boyfriend. It was just... Just that everything seemed so pointless right now. He felt empty and every little smile was forced. If everything was supposed to end then why do we exist in the first place?

He was desperate. He didn't want an answer but he NEEDED one. He felt like he was choking even though he knew there was air all around him. He needed a reason to keep on walking. A reason why existence in this god-forsaken world was a 'bliss'.

He needed Chuuya to tell him. To tell him a reason. A purpose. A purpose to continue this misery. A purpose that turns around this pointless wandering. A purpose so that even time slowly erased all our traces we would still leave a fulfilled purpose behind.

Yet the ginger wasn't aware of those feelings. Those perfectly hidden feelings. He didn't know about the struggle and deep sadness behind the other's brown eyes. He just wasn't aware and there was no way he could find out. Not with someone who had mastered his disguise as Dazai did.

"Don't know man. I will tell you when I find one", Chuuya shrugged indifferently.

Dazai gasped dramatically: "You go on without a reason?! How presumptuous!".

"Do I really need one to live my life? I don't need to see a goal to keep walking after all. Maybe all there is about taking a walk is to enjoy the scenery and not to go to a certain place", Chuuya shrugged and took Dazai's hand. He now just dragged the taller male with him who had frozen in place. Well, if he was skipping work then he could also help Chuuya shopping!

"A good walk...", Dazai whispered. He then smiled a little. A genuine smile this time. Maybe he could, well, go with that reasoning for now. The bridge was too far away anyway...

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Dazai angst? Dazai angst! Loved writing that! I think Dazai's character is a complicated one so I struggle a bit with conveying his feelings :3 Hope it seemed natural tho, lol xD Hope you liked it!