Bungo stray dogs One Shots

Merry Crisis everyone! (Special)

Merry Crisis everyone! (special)

"Ku~ni~ki~da~", Dazai hummed while poking the cheek of his coworker, "Why the grim face? It's Christmas!".

That was really the last straw for the idealist now. He had enough. He had planned this Christmas party with so much care! He handed everyone a schedule. He finished perfect decorations as well as ordering the food! He had planned everything thoroughly and then Dazai just... ARGH!

"DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN SAY IT LIKE THAT AFTER BURNING DOWN THE CHRISTMAS TREE?", Kunikida screamed while standing up. He really had enough now which was a scary sight to see. Especially through his height and that he was well trained. Normal people would have run away screaming now but not Dazai...

"Yeah that was at least one funny thing in this boring party!", Ranpo sighed. He knew how much that would enrage Kunikida but honestly, it was too good to not join in...

"That reminds me of a Christmas murder I once wrote about! So at first, they come in and on the Christmas tree, the victim's organs are-", Ranpo muffled his boyfriend before he could continue and make Ranpo vomit. It was an easy task for the detective since he was already cuddling with Poe at the moment.

"No, let him continue. It sounds like a good plan...", Kunikida said calmly. Yet he seemed very VERY enraged even now.

"Calm down mom. The more important question now is what to do since I'm bored as well", Yosano concluded and sighed.

Ranpo looked over to her: "You too? Then the party must be boring. Any ideas?". Kunikida honestly felt like switching sides and going to the mafia now...

"We could put some ornaments on the Christmas tree!", was what Dazai suggested. He had a wide smile on his face and before anyone could ask which tree he had just dragged Atsushi in the room. The poor boy had green paint all over him. As he realized what Dazai meant he already felt Dazai pricking his harm with an ornament.

"Nah, then I would have to get up...", Yosano sighed and Ranpo nodded to show that he agreed with the female doctor. Yosano then smiled at her wife on whose lap her head was laying.

"Booo you're no fun! Then let's just-", He started with a cheery smile that dropped immediately. "TANIZAKI! Didn't I tell you to illusion some snowy landscape into the window? When did you stop? And you Tachihara: Stop seeing it as a challenge to break his concentration because you think it's cute! Seriously this is an important business!", Dazai scolded the two and bonked them on the head with a paper tube.

"Says the one who burned down the Christmas tree...", Chuuya took another sip from his glass of wine. "Honestly right now I'm happy that I'm a lightweight so I don't have to go through this sober...".

At first, Kunikida had been annoyed at how Chuuya started drinking beyond his assigned drinking milliliters. Though seeing the situation as it was now it seemed like the mafia also had such dramatic Christmas celebrations and that he only prepared for what was already decided by fate. Maybe Kunikida even envied him for a bit...

"When do you think Santa will come?", was what Ranpo now threw into the room.

"Satan is already here you idiot!", Yosano insulted her coworker and threw a look towards the mafia boss who was just silently watching the world burn.

"Can't you help?!", Kunikida pleaded desperately for help. Now he saw why Mori asked him so often if he really wanted to take care of this alone...

Mori only shook his head: "Once the stone starts rolling downhill you cannot stop it without getting crushed. I wanted to prepare beforehand but you said that you do not need my help".

Ango now came in to help - or more not to help. He and Odasaku were just quietly cuddling in the corner since they seemed accustomed to Dazai's Christmas parties as well... "Yosano, Santa is the white-bearded man in red clothes who breaks into others' houses and leaves present that you wish for knowing your deepest wishes like a stalker".

"I don't need any presents from a weird old man, I only need you, honey~" Koyo flirted with Yosano now. It was a real freakshow, really... Especially with Akutagawa in the corner who had until now been eating the leftovers with his boyfriend. Unfortunately, Dazai had now claimed the tiger boy to replace the tree he burned down...

"Is anyone here even in his right mind?", Kunikida sighed and looked around. There wasn't even one person who had followed his schedule. Even Katai had broken the rules a bit by bringing his futon with him despite Kunikida telling him to leave it at home. At least his boyfriend wasn't causing any trouble and gave Kunikida a small smile to cheer him up... Truly the only one he could count on right now. He was so blessed to have him...

"It's alright Kunikida! I'm here to turn this boring party into the best one that you will ever experience", Dazai exclaimed with excitement in his voice. The brunette then glared at Mori: "Something that ANOTHER person in this room never accepted!".

With a sigh Kunikida accepted his fate... What could go wrong? It wasn't like-

"DAZAI STOP TRYING TO LIGHT UP THE CANDLES YOU PLACED ONTO ATSUSHI! I DON'T WANT THE TREE INCIDENT TO REPEAT ITSELF", Kunikida screamed in agony. He should never think that Dazai was done with his bullshit. Truly he was a genius. A genius that will always have an idea how to literally make a situation even worse.

"Dazai Maybe you should... not do that...", Odasaku exclaimed while looking a bit worried at the small tiger boy who was trying to stand as motionless as possible. A tree burning down? Ok. A building? Alright. But a human? That was actually a bit too extreme for Odasaku...

"When will you finally leave this world?", Kunikida sighed at his coworker. He then spoke out another question that he has crept into his mind: "Does anyone know where the boss is?".

Mori took a glass of wine that he had drunk in consideration up until now. After the obvious question was posed though he quietly took it and drank all of it in one go. Soon Kunikida would find out why.

The window suddenly clicked. A Figure quickly got in more swiftly than you would imagine. In front of them now stood a tall man dressed in a red Yukata. He had a bag on his back and a fake beard plastered on his grim-looking face. "I have brought the presents. Was that correct?", a familiar monotone voice asked. Mori buried his face in his hands.

In the meanwhile Dazai, Yosano and Ranpo were laughing their asses off. They took pictures and really couldn't contain themselves in any way. It was clear that Dazai had organized the boss to do something so ridiculous...

And that was the point when Kunikida gave up. His plan? As long as nothing breaks or gets absolutely destroyed then it's alright. He couldn't stop this disaster anyway...

Meanwhile, two figures were walking along the street seeing how a middle-aged man just entered through the window dressed like a weird Santa. "They truly are a bunch of weirdos, huh?", Nikolai said as he skipped a few steps.

Fyodor only looked at the apartment. He didn't say anything. He knew what despair those with clear minds within this building felt like. And even though he always compared himself with a god he could understand their pain. Once in his life, he felt closer to humans than ever. The rat looked back at his boyfriend. His boyfriend wore antlers and a red nose in the middle of the street for no reason. Good thing he had avoided at least the couple costume...

Little did they know that they were also watched by someone else. "Why-", Suehiro started his sentence only to be cut off by Jono who held his hand and walked faster: "Don't ask. Don't look. Keep walking"

________________________________________________________________________________

Hey I had a random idea so here is a holiday special! I wish you all a wonderful Christmas and hope that you can enjoy it with the people you love! Have fun and do some stuff you love to do, kay? You're all wonderful and deserve it! After all you bois/gurls/nonbinary peoplzzzz are the best presents I could hope for! Your comments, votes and even just you reading this means so much for me so THANK YOU!

By the way see this chapter as a present! This here is not counted to the regular update schedule. So there will be some chapters a few days or so after this one! ;3 (even though I have only finished one so far lmaooo)