Bungo stray dogs One Shots

Odango - It feels like a dream

‚Am I awake or am I still sleeping?', Odasaku thought to himself. He wasn't sure about it. It all just... Just didn't seem right.

The whole world had turned upside down or so it felt. As if time was moving at an incredibly slow speed. As if fate and Karma didn't line up how they were supposed to. It didn't make sense. Didn't seem right.

Was he awake or not? Well, how could you test that? Because after all in a dream you will always think you are awake, even in the weirdest situations.

Like Odasaku once dreamt that he and Dazai were driving in a car. They were dressed for the beach, both wearing Hawaiian-style shirts and sunglasses. Not to mention the wonderful flower bracelets they had. Then Dazai turned towards Odasaku asking: "Do you think we're underdressed with these outfits at the formal dinner party?".

At that time the whole situation felt so natural, it was scary. If there was a person that could make everything seem normal like that then they must be the most dangerous one Odasaku could think of. They could normalize everything. Everything. From forgetting your own family to jumping headfirst into a pool of acid. Suicide, and manipulation, would give them full control.

Thankfully there always were things that start to feel... strange. And so when Odasaku was dreaming, he was already confused. Still, he only realized that it was a dream when he woke up. Gasping for air as he realized the truth, the sudden fear.

It wasn't that he and Dazai always dressed perfectly for a party. They once even showed up in a horse bodysuit. The red-haired man was the trunk, he wasn't keen on talking at such parties after all. Still, it was a bit sad that he never saw the faces of those mafiosos dressed in suits...

It also wasn't the case that Odasaku was embarrassed. As remarked before he was up for every little fun idea that didn't involve harming others. Annoy don't destroy. Plus he was quite confident about his looks in a Hawaiian shirt.

No, the one striking thing was the whole situation itself. He and Dazai. In a car. And Dazai was driving. Never ever again would Odasaku go into a car Dazai was driving. That was clear suicide, even for him. Hell, why did Mori even give Dazai a fake license?! Odasaku once quietly remarked it despite the rule to never question the boss. But the Mafia boss only laughed and said that he just loved to see the world burn.

Up to this day, Odasaku was still unsure whether this might be Mori's worst action. His most evil motive. Because anyone who would let THAT driver out there was nuts. And Odasaku felt pity and afraid of the future whenever Dazai got into a car.

Still, the point here is that you couldn't be sure whether anything is a dream. He might be stuck in one right now after all. Because he couldn't understand his situation otherwise. Because it felt so wrong. As if fate had closed its eyes. As if time had stopped and the whole world was built only for that moment.

Who could have known that waking up beside your husband would feel so wrong yet so right? Odasaku never imagined his life to be like that. He never even thought that he would deserve to wake up in a bed once.

The felt so soft it was almost unendurable. He had laid on the floor – cold stone, rotting wood, and all that – for so long that a soft mattress now felt unusual. Felt like a dream.

Odasaku smiled lightly as he looked at his husband, eyes still closed. Ango's hair was messy and strands of hair were falling on his face slightly. He looked so young and sweet without his aloof expression and his glasses. Everything in Odasaku's heart screamed to hug him tightly but he knew that would wake the most precious man in the world to him up.

Still, this had to be a dream right? How could he deserve all this? Deserve the man he fell so hard for? He didn't know and couldn't explain it. But did that ultimately mean it was a dream? How could you find out if you're still dreaming?

Odasaku didn't believe in the concept of soulmates. Because that would mean that you are inevitably drawn to another person. That you are destined for each other. That your love is the ultimate and the most beautiful form of love there is.

However, if you believed in soulmates you ultimately had to believe in destiny. In fate. That two people are drawn to each other and that it also wasn't their free will. So there was the first problem: How could that be the most beautiful form of love if it was forced and not chosen?

Plus there would be no way that his fate would let him live after all he had done. Suffer from the consequences or what? After so long his fate should know that he would keep ongoing. Never giving up once. Because even after all this time he would still repeat his past mistakes. He would still choose to live.

He had lived by choosing his own life over others. Despite knowing that he was not worth that prize the more lives he took. Still, he never stopped. Because he wanted to live not because fate had pitied him. So if fate truly existed it would have taken him underground as soon as possible.

Yet at that moment everything seemed to become meaningless. As if this was what was intended all along. Intended for everything good. The greater cause. To wake up beside his beautiful beautiful husband.

It still took his breath away. All those little moments made his heart stop for a second. His head stopped functioning and he couldn't think about any concept of time. The past and the future all became meaningless.

The only thing that mattered right now was the love of his life. The love of his life sleeping beside him. His arm around the smaller man's waist. The one who was still sleeping peacefully looked like an angle.

So how could that all happen to him? Wasn't this happiness something you could only feel in a dream? In a dream that was the only thing without the rules of the dark world? How could he find out if he was sleeping all along?

"I love you", Odasaku whispered. Softly he tucked one strand of Ango's soft hair behind the other one's ear.

Those were the words he loved to say after all. He loved voicing his love. Showing that he was capable of feeling. More importantly: Showing his husband how much he loved him.

So what if all of this truly was a dream? So what? Even if it was just a fantasy he would take the chance and say it. Even if he would wake up on a cold stone floor. Even if all those moments were nothing but fake.

He would take that chance because right now – right now – because it felt real. And he would never let anyone take anything away from him. Not even fate. He would survive until he chose not to. Not until someone else wanted him gone.

"I love you", Odasaku whispered again, slightly pulling his husband closer.

Was it a dream or not? There was no way to prove it. But before doubting everything and forgetting to take your chance you can just accept it. Accept the happiness that you earned. That you worked for. Even if it turns out to be a dream you cannot remember after all.
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Probably used that idea already but whatevvvvv! I had fun writing it! Btw this month is not gonna be a long one as well peoplezzzz... Had a loooong month and I am literally dead tired right now... Not to mention that my one chapter just got deleted...? Like wtf thank you!