Bungo stray dogs One Shots

Suegiku - Controversial debates

WARNING: this contains a few heavy SPOILERS from the Manga so read at your own risk uwu

As Jōno stepped into the house he could hear Suehiro performing some kind of sport. Of course. He could smell the reeking sweat from the door. Of course it was disgusting. It definitely wasn't some kind of sweet and gentle , something he had known and gotten used to. No, of course not. Why would he? It was not like he liked him. Him, Suehiro. The one with a perfect build and the least annoying one of the bunch. Nope. If he liked him that would get in the way of his work. So it was better to ignore- no you can't ignore what's not there.

So as the member of the hunting dogs – or more the mother of the hunting dogs – stepped into the room the training swordsman looked up. They looked into each others eyes. Well more or less for Suehiro since the white haired man had his eyes closed like a turtle all the time. Both stopping. Not saying anything.

"You could at least say hello.", was what the white haired male suggested. You could see that he was annoyed even though a smile spread across his face. "Is that the manners of a swordsman?", his sadistic side showed through his remark.

"Why should I greet you?", the other tilted his head. "We see each other almost every day", the confusion was literally painted on his face which then seemed to light up in an instant. "I am confusion. Or that's how Tanizaki always says it".

"Stop", Jōno sighed "I can't have another idiot blabbering with this nonsense. It's enough that you torment my nose with that reeking smell of yours. Stop torturing my ears as well".

"And why is Tanaizaki allowed to say this?", Suehiro said tilting his head once more. He was still in the middle of doing muscle taining so his sudden stop looked somewhat ridiculous.

"Sometimes you all annoy me to the core. I hope you step on a lego", Jono sighed. Apparently his small sadistic side was showing again. Who else would wish for someone to step on a lego? It was the cruelest way to treat someone. The worst insult. No human would wish for something like that, unless they are a psychopath.

"Step on a lego... is that a new way of training?", Suehiro asked. He tilted his head again. He had asked the unimaginable. The boy seemed to never had experienced a bad childhood. Never felt the pain that proves that you are alive but at the same time wish for extinction. A pain worse than Dazais torturing. Though... he probably used those inhumane practices for torture. A child unexperienced in the cruel world of truth. The truth that that what could be the most changing and beautiful in your life had a cruel and horrifying twist. Those who you trust betray you was an early thing to learn when facing this pain. This pain that was both physical and emotional.

Jōno felt for the first time in a while a shiver running down his spine. The devil, was what he thought. Never would he have imaginged using such methods for TRAINING. Truly horrifying. "Never ever use that as training. Do use that as a way to keep out the...", Jōno stopped. How could he describe his colleagues that were on the top of the government? The great hero that protected the land? The man that risked his life to infiltrate one of the most evil organisations one could imagine?

"...the kids", the white haired man concluded. Instead of only focusing on their great accomplishments one should focus on the other aspects as well. For instance the farting of the 'oh-so-great-hero'. It ticked Jōno off for good. How could he penetrate his delicate sense of smell with this... this disgusting... how did he call it? "flavoured air".

Jōno let out a sigh. It was worthless discussing about such trivial things. He could just leave him running into this painful experience by himself. This might as well be amusing, was what his sadistic side thought.

Suehiro stood up. Thankfully he didn't plan to spread his smelling sweat anymore. It would be perverted of Jōno to enjoy that... But what he heard after that made him lose his mind.

Suehiro got up. He put a towel around his neck to wipe off the sweat. He at least tried to be considerative even though Jōno thought he was a talented idiot. He then slid into his slippers. The disturbing thing about this were his sandals – no they were not made out of legos – it was more about how he put them on. He had socks on. SOCKS. He could hear the texture of the fabric gliding over the wodden sandal

"You don't plan on wearing socks in sandals do you?", Jōno smiled a threatening smile. He had to at least try and educate him.

"Why? I always do that? Socks are comfy. Keeping your feet nice and warm even in bed-"

"You... you wear socks IN your bed?"

"Of course? They are there to keep my feet warm? It's common courtesy...", Suehiro tilted his head once again. Jōno always thought he looked like a lost puppy when he did that. A stupid one at that though...

A sigh escaped lips Jōno. "You are probably one of those people who drink orange juice AFTER they brushed their teeth... and then you pour in the milk at first".

"You don't do that?". Jōno couldn't believe the words he had just heard. He knew that Suehiro wasn't the smartest guy. He knew that. At least he had a non-sadistic heart was what Suehiro always said... But this? Unbelievable. It made Jōno question whether the detective agency were criminals after all or if he just helped the wrong team. Because SOMETHING was wrong when the whole team thought it was legit to... legit to... a shiver ran down Jōno spine... to pour in the milk FIRST.

"I should become a terrorist", Jōno whispered.

"But then I would have to arrest you", Suehiro shrugged. He was after all a righteous guy just like Jōno. But getting caught by Suehiro? Well with his well trained body he could easily catch him and- Nope not that he was interested in his coworker. Never would imagine this. Never, nuh huh.

With a sigh Jōno stood up again. He had to do something before his head IMAGINED something that he had never – and will never – see in his life... "I'm going to get you a few towels...".

"Why?"

"No probl- wait did you ask why?", Jōno couldn't believe when he heard the brown haired male nodding. "You use two towels AT LEAST. One for the head and one for the body. And more importantly you don't use that one", he pointed with disgust at the sweaty towel drapped over Suehiros perfect neck.

"Why not?"

"WHY NOT? It's disgusting! You shower not to reek", Jōno said with a disgusted look on his face, " again of sweat but to have a lovely and NEUTRAL smell! Why do you think did I exchange EVERY soap and shampoo with a neutral one?!".

"If you could do that.", Suehiro shrugged. Though he also kept quiet about his perfume. He always put it on after showering since Jōno once remarked that there was a pleasant smell after Suehiro put it on for the first time. It kind of became a habit.

After a good cold shower – which Jono again debated as inhuman – both of them sat down. Jōno had brought some ice cream from the freezer since he thought that Suehiro might as well be a bit hungry.

It was relaxing to say the least after all the ethical discussions. Jōno felt that he could stay like this for a little while longer. He even wished a bit for time to stop with he pleasant smell and small noises until-

Crack

"OH YOU DID NOT FUCKING BITE YOUR ICE CREAM??!!"

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Ahhhh that sure was a pleasant crack chapter uwu I hope y'all enjoyed it... I'm through with my exams and stuff so I shall spam writing again... ;-; I missed writing not gonna lie. This was requested by @Mwin_ owo