Bungo stray dogs One Shots

Fukumori - Split soul

Do you believe in the concept of a soul? A concept that there is something inside us that we cannot comprehend? Something special and beautiful? That gives us a life that is not operated like a machine would?

At first, Fukuzawa thought it was just an idea-filled by someone who didn't want to accept that their life would end. Fukuzawa only saw the bodies in front of him. Dead shells. Victims always react the same. Always giving into selfish desires. He didn't even know if he wasn't one of those machines as well. Everything seemed worthless.

That was at least until he saw more about humans than he did in his past. He saw them cry. Smile. He saw so many emotions, he couldn't name them all. There were the ones that never followed the rules. Those were unpredictable. Even those who played strong were secretly broken inside.

Yes, there was beauty in everyone. A unique tone. Something so surprising. Something that was just... not there in the empty shells anymore. There was something different about a soul.

Because a soul is more fragile than anything else. A soul is so precious that you should keep it protected at all costs. But we humans do not know where the soul exists within us. We cannot protect it. It's there for everybody to notice and to break.

After all, a soul can be influenced so much. It's the most fragile place you can hurt. Everyone who is hurt deep inside will be broken within. Still, the ones who have the worst life are those whose soul is split.

A broken soul? You can heal that. Slowly and with care. It will never be completely the same as it was before but you still have every part in place. You still have all you need there. A split soul has been ripped apart. One part could be lost forever. Wandering around with no stop. An incurable condition.

A split soul is the most horrifying thing one can experience. Because you will always miss one part yet you are haunted by it. That one part that is kept from you by something. That one part that cannot escape and is screaming for help. But going back to that place could break you completely.

One part is trapped forever. It is kept by those who broke it. It can be taken from you when you were a child. That one part the one holds who has only hurt you. Who has neglected or abused you.

It can be taken from you as a teenager. When those you trust betray you. When you are excluded and hated for being who you are and not like others.

Fukuzawa wished he could go there and help everyone who has lost a part. Because losing was so cruel, the events that caused this was even worse than shattering someone. It wasn't impossible. Yet the healing procedure took even longer than a shattered soul. And sometimes you could never make the souls form into one again.

Still, there were also occurrences when a soul could be split as an adult. The soul might be most helpless and trusting as a child but in rare occurrences, it happened to adults as well.

Fukuzawa carefully hugged his husband a bit tighter. The mafia boss was trying his best to not show any emotion. Yet the ex-assassin could feel him shivering slightly.

The existence of a soul was as much beautiful as it was horrifying. Because even now Fukuzawa had no way to reach it. Even now he could help his husband who had to cope with all this pain alone. His one part is still haunted by the battlefield.

Fukuzawa would probably never understand how he felt. Thankfully actually. He never had to walk over the bodies of his comrades. He never had to sacrifice thousands of his men. He never saw their dead faces that would haunt him forever. Those faces someone could never forget.

Was it surprising? Definitely. Who would have expected Mori to have such a side to him? Someone who was always so strong and cruel. Someone who didn't think twice before sacrificing one of his employees. Mori's daily life was filled with death and hate. It wasn't as if his other part was living in paradise.

No war was something that grabbed your soul to kill you even if your body was still alive. Cracking bones. Shooting. Bombs. Screams. The scent of blood. All of Mori's senses would at times play havoc. Then he could smell the blood. Hear the cracking and screams.

He didn't ask for this side. He didn't want anyone to see him suffering. To pity someone who did not deserve their pity. He could live with that burden alone. He had to. After all, it was his own choice.

As always Fukuzawa didn't say anything. He never mentioned this to anyone before. Nobody seemed to know. Not Dazai. Not Chuuya. Not even Koyo. It was something the rationalist kept to himself. So Fukuzawa never said anything as well. The only thing he could do was stay at Mori's side.

Still, it broke Fukuzawa's heart to see his husband like this. To see the normally so cold and strong man so small and on the edge. To see him suffering from the past. From something, he couldn't comprehend.

It was a clear fact that Mori deserved a bit of that. After all, he had sacrificed and taken many lives. He had been ruthless with no mercy. It should be normal to have at least some regret.

Fukuzwawa tightened his hug. Still, how did it turn out like that? Did Mori have another chance but to destroy? Was that the best option? What could have been if he chose a different path?

Nobody should deserve to be haunted so much. Nobody deserved to be mistreated, to have their very being destroyed to the core. Was someone ever truly evil? Or could it be that they just understood good and evil differently? What if someone's intentions were good though others see their method as evil? Aren't we all prisoners of our mind and understanding?

Tomorrow would be a normal day just like every morning. Fukuzawa would wake up with Mori not in his arms anymore but in the kitchen to prepare breakfast. He would smile and joke around. Everything would seem as if Mori breaking for a second didn't happen.

And that was what truly scared Fukuzawa. This extreme change. This strong mask Mori wore while killing himself inside. While destroying his emotions so for a second he wouldn't have to be haunted. Because sometimes those who seem the strongest are the ones who need help the most...

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Small idea. Loved writing it ngl... I mean a similar idea to a few of my other Oneshots but I just love these situations... You can just go so deeply into feelings and everything...

Yeah so that's it for this month! Hope you enjoyed it and see you all next year hehehehe ;D