* J *

Part Twenty-Seven: Chapter 198: Talks

Harley's POV

As Jake left the lab my eyes fell on my puddin. My heart swelled with joy. Yet, I felt sadness. I was so happy to see him, just not like this. This is the first time I've seen him in six months. It feels like so much longer. Jason may be a near identical match to Mistah J, but when I look at him I only see Jason. And I get angry at him because he looks like my Mistah J. And then I get mad at him for pretending to be my puddin. Then I cry because he took my body with the face of my husband. Then I cry harder because I hate myself for being his submissive who obeys his sexual demands. Then I hyperventilate because I'm carrying his child.

I stand, frozen to this very spot. I was so nervous and scared. I could feel my hands quivering, and it felt like my entire body was shaking. But I came here for a reason. Call it going to confession. I needed to tell my Mistah J everything that has happened in the last six months. He's the only person I tell my secrets to. Some call me stupid for loving him, they just don't really understand. The Joker they see and the one I see are polar opposites. All they know about Mistah J is what they see on the evening news, or read in the paper. I know him in a way no one else does, and yes, not even Bruce Wayne.

Mistah J told me everything about him and Bruce. And he did it before we got married. He came clean to me about everything that night. Being a former psychiatrist, I was able to explain the whole Batman obsession. See, Mistah J gets a rush from being chased by Batman. The bat is the only person not scared of him. Mistah J finds it ra be refreshing. He loves fighting Batman, knowing he can't win. But Bruce gets his own rush from things. Mistah J isn't scared of him either. He loves chasing Mistah J, because he's the hardest to catch. And for Bruce, fighting was his only stress release. It's only normal for the two to be drawn together like magnets. Opposites attract.

I start slowly walking across the lab. It was so cold in the lab. I shiver from the top to the bottom and the bottom to the top. I hug myself to try to warm up. Maybe something in here required this temperature. I was scared. Scared to tell Mistah J what Jason did. I'm ashamed to tell him what I did willingly. I'm embarrassed to tell him I'm pregnant. And it breaks my heart that it's not my Mistah J 's. I hope I lose it like I lost all the other ones.

I approach the tank and peer at my poor puddin. My love. My husband. My everything. I shiver again as I look at his skin. It had a blue tint and his lips were purple. I know that's to be expected and that everuthing is normal. Still, he must have been so cold. And it made me sad because there was nothing I could do for him. I could feel my eyes welling with tears. Maybe I'm just being hormonal.

I press my right palm on the glass, so desperate to feel his skin against mine. I slowly lower my head. My tears fall, but I could feel that new ones were forming. I thought seeing him would make me feel better. But it doesn't. It just makes me feel worse. I needed him so much. I needed his arms around me. I needed to hear him say that he loved me.

"Oh puddin," I managed to get out before I break down sobbing uncontrollably. When I finally catch a breath I raise my head to look at him with my tear soaked face. "I need ya so much puddin. I'm all alone an scared without ya. Ya gotta come back ta me. Please come back."

I take a moment to let all my tears spill out again. Then I dry my eyes and try to be brave. "I won't be able ta visit ya fer a long time puddin. I gotta...go away fer a while. I just gotta get away from Jason. I have ta tell ya sumthin, and it's so hard fer me ta tell ya. Jason's baby is growing inside of me," I say and lightly touch my stomach. I was torn, stuck somewhere between repulsive and protective.

My eyes fill with tears again. They cascade down my cheeks. "I'm so confused. I don't want his child, but this feels different than all tha othah ones. I want it, I do, but I want it ta be yers."