I wish my parents would just teach me how to drive and wish my dad would allow me to get a temporary small job just so I can move into a small space and get my own food.
I just want to use the dam bathroom when my IBS is triggered without kids constantly harassing me to hurry up. Only 1 bathroom has a lock, and it's the one with the shower and working sink. And kids don't know the concept of knocking unless the door is locked, so they'll just barge into the lockless bathroom without knocking. And that bathroom stinks, and pretty sure the walls need washing because those little spots can't be chocolate.
But I'm not allowed to take the portable toilet to my room. No one comes in here barely ever. So basically, if I'm having gut issues, I have to use the lockless smelly bathroom just so kids don't harass me. My parents don't want to take 10 seconds to leave their room to unlock the doors closest to the trash cans so I can take the bag to the trash.
Then if I do use the locked bathroom, people are constantly telling me I shouldn't use that one on those days, literally sit next to the door while blaring their minecraft child-friendly roleplayer videos.
But my parents haven't taught me to drive, and my dad keeps insisting that I don't get a small job and instead start big, thinking I have the social skills to not be nervous around a complete fuking stranger to talk about my ideas.
Oh ya. He thinks they'll accept someone my age who "needs her daddy there to help her."
It's like he wants me to constantly be reliant on him, even if I'm getting a fuking job.
And me being here? Means more food needs to be divided up, more money needs to be spent, means I can't be around people my age. It has stunted my mental growth, being constantly around kids, and the adults here almost never want to talk with me. Talk TO me, but not WITH me.
I haven't been around anyone my age in YEARS. Not since I was a tween who's friend was usually dropped off to be babysat while her mom works. I'm now way past my tweens, I'm old enough to drive, I'm old enough to get a job. And I've been able to do neither.
And I know no one who can help me. Literally no one.
One aunt travels, the other has a grandchild to babysit sometimes, one uncle is in another state, the other uncle has his own kids to deal with, my dementiac grandma isn't an option.
No one to fuking help me.
I literally had a fuking mental breakdown an hour or two ago because I couldn't use the fuking bathroom without little kids bothering me, banging on the walls, sitting outside the door, and the older kid telling me to get out. And my parents were just sitting up in their fuking room.
I had a mental brakdown because I just wanted to poop. That's how fuked up it is. Add to my shark week being here, and me being hungry, I'm not fuking happy.
And this is my life. And I guarantee that when my oldest little sibling turns 16, my parents will help them learn how to drive almost instantly.
It's fuking bullsh!t. I'm so sick of it. I feel like I'm stuck at 15, both because of this and I don't have much to help my brain mature. This is my life. This is it. I fuking hate it.
