Sometimes I wonder if there's really anything. I keep feeling thi emptiness, and then I feel angry and sad at this eptiness. Top that with perpetually feeling stuck at 15, having no friends to physically be around, no job, no way to go anywhere, no money, no one to be around, being an unpaid babysitter, can't even leave my room because children, parents barely ever want to listen to crap I say and act confuse when the littlest things make me happy.
What am I even here for? I can't do anything. I feel like my thoughts don't matter. No one wants to actually listen to me. Hardley anyone wants to physically be around e. Everyone calls me depresing because I sit in my room all day, when that's literally all I CAN do.
And while my parents are sitting back on fuking Diablo, wasting money on stupid shiit like armor or power up or whatever the fuk, the proceed to say we don't have money for certain things. But we sure as fuk have money for fuking digital armor. Surprised they don't like NFT and Crypto crap, because they sure as fuk love spending mney on digital shitt.
Yet it supposedly costs to much to teach me how to drive or pay me aq little for babysitting. I'm still owed $20, maybe even more I forgot about, when they gave me money for babysitting, then ased for it back for food.
Yet we can afford fuking video gam armor, for a game literally no one else in this house can play. That they sit in their room all day playing, if they aren't watching sh!t.
I don't know how much more I can take. My parent shave left me feeling empty and usless. I wake up feeling like an empty box. I go to bed feeeling angry and lonely. I spend the day on the computer and that's it. I TRY to be aroud the others, but I can't handle being around littl kids. Every little fuking thing they do annoys me. sucking on their fingers, chewing on a toy, one thinks it's okay to touch my butt and my parents don't do crap. But I bet as soon as my oldest younger sibling turns 16, my parents will teach them how to drive and help them get a job ASAP.
I can't even talk about the little things I find interesting because they give me confused looks and act like whatever it was I found interesting was stupid.
But this is the best I uking got. I don't want CPS coming around and taking us, because they'll either seperate us or give us to our shittty grandparents, who will for sure kick me out like they do every child who reaches a certain age, why my grandma's step-husbands kids are such crap, why one of them has literally died recently.
I can;t ask any other faily for help because my parents are the type to want to keep their pridde.
I'm sick of this. I don't know how much longer I can take. If I weren't scared of death or pain, I would;ve taken my life already. And the fact that's how I fuking feel is what scares me the most. That it's those 2 little things keeping me from ending it. Those two selfish fuking reasons. Not for the friends I have on here, not for my family, not for my little siblings, not for my story characters. Just my own fuking fears.
I'm sick of feling emptiness that only occasionlly gets filled with pain and anger, or little moments of fake joy at the stupidest things. I'm sick of my life, and there's litterally nothing I can do to change it. Cant event have a sit-diown and discuss it with my parents because they'll either say how we can't afford it yet (which is bull with the BS about the Diablo game), or that they'd rather I wait until I have my own car (Which, again, BS because they keep waasting money on Diablo, or other stupid things)
