TW for ped0philia
And I mention a more personal topic so I'd prefer if 17 and under don't read. I'm just trying to get things off my chest.
So it's night for me, I go and look for a type of asmr because...stress reasons. That's all I'm saying. (No, I'm not the kind that likes ear licking, I'm not THAT weird...no offense to those that do-)
But as I'm looking, I see a playlist, and the thumbnail, meaning the first vid of that playlist, looked like...well, not an adult woman's lower area. The hand next to it was big compared to it, there was no hair, didn't look shaved. I'm pretty fuking sure it was of a child.
YouTube full on takes down videos for saying the word Sh*t to "protect kids", but keeps that crap on?
Ya, well, I was def turned off after that and tried relaxing to normal calm videos, but now it's burning there behind my eyes no matter what I try. I'll thankfully forget in maybe 3 or 4 hours for a while (thank fuk for my short-term memory issues). But fuking fuk, I hate people.
I already have enough stress from the moving stuff, youngest sib is driving me crazy because kid decided nights are their time now, I'm trying to get my mind off this messed up kitten blender crap I heard about. I just wanted a simple stress relief, the only thing I could do, and then I see this.
I should've listened to my gut when it said to just keep to stuff like the ASMRists I know instead of trying to find something new. But nooo! I HAD to explore! The one I know of was just fine and made my lonely heart feel loved! But apparently my brain was like "Naaaaah!"
Yes, I know liking those things can become an issue later down the line. But when you've been as affection and touch deprived as me for years, especially with very little to no chance of actually being able to meet anyone and stuck with no one but your parents and annoying siblings and no one your age, you get a little desperate.
Curiosity killed the cat. I need to make a mental note to just stick to the channels I know. Would like more women ones, but I'll just accept crap as-is if this is where it brings me.
I hate people. And I hate the internet. And I hate how reliant on the internet I HAVE to be.
