💚🧡Bakudeku & Kirikami One Shots❤️💛

Heavy

💚🧡

The song above inspired this

AU:
Normal
Soft(er) Katsuki
Warnings:
TRIGGER WARNING
⚠️Suicide attempt⚠️

[Izuku's POV]

I'm holding on...

It was so sudden when it happened. When all of my dreams, hopes and beliefs unexpectedly dissipate. A switch that turned the lights off.

I saw no purpose in doing anything anymore. All I could think about was how long my chores were. How dauntingly high the expectations for being a hero were. How much further I had to go with having to work this hard.

It was all getting too much. Every day felt longer than the last, the clock passing each second by like a minute. My schedule just seems to keep getting bigger.

Waking up at 4am - park running in the morning - studying - getting dressed for school - breakfast on the go - school - skip lunch for independent training - one-to-one with All Might - reviewing the notes from school - exercising in the gym - dinner - sleep - repeat.

They say things always get better. That I have to just wait for the bright side. The ray of sunshine within the storm. So I keep going like this, walking through the pain and waiting for things to become lighter.

In order to become a hero, I have to work hard. I've been working like this all my life, having the determination to become Number One. To become the best!

But I've lost my reasons. Simply 'becoming a hero' wasn't enough.

I was pushing myself to do all these tasks, convincing myself that this was good for me. But, in truth, I didn't want to continue.

Living was even harder. Each step or breath I take, each word I say, each decision I made, uses so much energy. But I'm trying to continue, pushing through the exhaustion and behaving like usual, keeping the normal smile I wore and showed to everyone.

Why is everything so heavy?

I've always found it hard to say no to someone. So, when Kacchan asked to study with me, I give up my free time before dinner to do it.

It was okay for the first few days, using all the energy from my limited hours of sleep to keep going. To make him happy by giving a tired smile, assure him he's doing well and to keep... going.

I have to keep going but each step gets harder.

Heavier.

I couldn't stop and breathe at all, a train having no breaks, continuing to pick up overwhelming speed. Even when I'd had an hour of free time, I agreed to play a game with the class, using more energy. It's all so much more than I can carry.

But this is normal. I have to keep going. Push against the current.

I keep dragging around what's bringing me down

The glass was bound to shatter at some point. I was close to insanity, strangling in my own problems, dragging around the chains. I want to scream but I'm stuck on this pedestal, doing everything without purpose. I don't know why anymore.

Everything I do is just another burden.

My door wasn't locked one day, Kacchan opening the door just as my feelings were demanding an exit. Thrashing against my chest. Begging me to stop. To think about what I'm doing and will keep doing because I feel like I'm spinning around in circles. I couldn't prevent them from rippling through me that time, their power nothing against my drained one.