Down the Rabbit Hole

Uprising Part 1

It was a week later and the three of them were still holed up at Bobby's. Lacey was sprawled out on the couch reading a book when Sam came down the stairs.
"Where's Bobby?" He asked.
"In town. Supply run." Dean informed him from the other end of the couch.
"In this?" Sam sounded surprised as he glanced out the window at the gale blowing.
"Yeah. Man's a hero. We were officially out of hunter helper." Dean said as he pointed to an empty bottle of whiskey on the table.
"Hello boys and girls. You've seen The Godfather, right?" Came a voice from the kitchen.
"Actually, no, I haven't, what..." Lacey started before glancing up from her book. "Balthazar? What are you doing?"
"You know the end, where Michael Corleone sends his men to kill his enemies in one big bloody swoop?" Balthazar disappeared and reappeared by Bobby's desk, pouring salt into a bowl.
"Hey!" Dean called, trying to get his attention.
"Dead sea brine. Good, good, good. You know, Moe Greene gets it in the eye and Don Cuneo gets it in the revolving door?"
"I said, hey." Dean pointed out. Balthazar glanced up from what he was doing.
"You did. Twice. Good for you. Blood of lamb. Blood of lamb." He opened Bobby's fridge and started rifling through the contents. "Beer, cold pizza. Blood of lamb. Yes! Blood of lamb!" Lacey and Dean exchanged a look and got up off the couch.
"Why are you talking about The Godfather?" Sam asked.
"Because we're in it – right now, tonight. And in the role of Michael Corleone, the archangel Raphael."
"You mind telling us what you mean?"
"No, no, no, no, no." Balthazar looked panicked as he started pulling out the drawers in Bobby's desk. "Yes. Bone of a lesser Saint. This vertebra will do very nicely. Your Mr Singer does keep a beautiful pantry."
"Wait, Raphael is after you?" Dean asked.
"Raphael is after us all. You see, he's consolidated his strength. And now he's on the move."
"And where's Cas?" Sam asked.
"Oh, Cassie? He is deep, deep underground. So, good old Raffy put out a hit on every last Samaritan who helped our dear Cas, including the three of you, although why he thinks he's even got a chance against this delectable beauty over here, I don't know." Balthazar winked at Lacey, who gave him a lopsided grin back. "But so much more importantly, me. See he wants to draw Cas out into the open."
"And you expect us to just believe you?" Sam asked as Balthazar started drawing sigils on the window.
"Oh, I don't. You'll go where I throw you either way." Lacey frowned at him.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean asked as lightning flashed outside.
"That's all the time we have ladies and gentlemen." Balthazar said as he started searching for something in his jacket. "Where is it?" Lacey caught a flash of blood as he searched his inside pockets.
"Are you okay? Do you want me to heal that?" She offered.
"Oh, grim, I know. You see Uncle Raffy sent one of his nastiest to handle me. I'm flattered actually. And down a lung at the moment, but if you insist." He moved his jacket aside and let her heal him. "Thank you, darling. Oh, here, for you." He tossed Sam a set of keys.
"What am I supposed to do with this?"
"Run with it." Balthazar instructed. A moment later Balthazar was thrown across the room and another angel appeared.
"Virgil. I said run!" Balthazar threw out his arm and sent the three of them flying through the window he had just painted the sigil on.

Lacey expected to land on the hard gravel of Bobby's driveway but instead she landed on something soft. She opened her eyes to find the three of them sprawled on a mattress on what appeared to me a film set.
"Cut!" A guy sitting in a directors chair called out. The three of them looked around, confused. People started milling around. A crew member came up to Dean and patted him on the backside.
"Real good, solid fall. Way to go."
"Jared, Jensen, Nicole! Outstanding! That was just great." The director called to them.
"Supernatural scene one, echo, take one. Tail slate. Marker!" They continued to look around in surprise.
"So... no angels?" Sam muttered.
"No angels, I think." Dean replied. They could hear the crew members discussing the scene around them.
"Should we be killing anyone?" Sam asked.
"I don't think so."
"Running?" Sam suggested.
"Where?" Sam picked up a piece of the window they had just flown through and it wobbled in his hand.
"You know the part where they hit the window is the good part." Lacey was listening to the crew, trying to work out what the hell was going on.
"Well, we can clean up, reset the window, takes about 95 minutes basically. So we'd have to blow off the scene where they sit on the Impala and talk about their feelings." He suggested.
"Ha! Right. You answer the hate mail!"
"Or we could have them fly at the window, then freeze frame. Then cut to black, act out."
"Freeze frame." The Director sounded sceptical.
"Um... yeah... freeze frame."
"Serviceable."
"Fine. Whatever. Season six. Moving on."
"Moving on! That's a wrap on Jared, Jensen and Nicole."
"Who the hell are..." Sam started, before he was interrupted by a woman with a microphone and a camera crew.
"Jared! Three minutes, okay? Great!" She grabbed Sam's hand and lead him away.
"Where are we going?" Dean asked as he was grabbed by another woman.
"Jensen, there you are! Let's just get you in the chair." Lacey followed him, unsure of what she was supposed to do.
"Chair?" Dean asked, confused, as she pushed him into one.
"Okay, hon, we're just going to get this makeup off your face." Dean scoffed at her.
"I'm not wearing ma..." He stopped as the makeup artist used a wipe on his face and it came away covered in foundation. "Oh crap! I'm a painted whore!" Lacey smirked at him. The make up artist glanced at her. "Did you want something hon?" Lacey shook her head.
"No, I'm good... I'll just wait for him." The woman shrugged and turned back to Dean. Once he was finished they walked over to meet Sam.
"Dude, they put freakin' makeup on us! Those bastards!" Dean grumbled. ~
"Look, I think I know what this is."
"Okay, what?"
"It's a TV show."
"You think?" Dean asked sarcastically.
"Yeah, I mean here, wherever here is, this...this twilight zone Balthazar zapped us into. For whatever reason, our life is a TV show."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"No, seriously. Why would anybody want to watch our lives?"
"Well, I mean, according to that interviewer, not very many people do. Look, I'm not saying it makes sense. I'm just saying we landed in some dimension where you're Jensen Ackles, she's Nicole Dawsett and I'm something called a Jared Padalecki." Lacey pulled a face at the name Sam gave her.
"So, what, now you're Polish? Is any of this making any sense to you?" Dean asked as they walked out of the studio and found the Impala parked outside. "Oh, hey. My baby made it." Dean smiled, only to have a crew member splatter mud on the wind shield.
"Hey, hey! What..." Dean trailed off as he saw three more Impala's parked next to it. "I feel sick. I'm gonna be sick." Lacey took his hand and tried to soothe him. "I want to go home. I feel like this whole place is bad touching me." Dean grumbled.
"Yeah, I know. Me too." Sam agreed. "So what do you think? Cas?" He suggested.
"He's our best shot, if he's still alive. " Dean started to pray. "Dear Castiel, who art maybe running his ass away from heaven, we pray that you have your ears on. So... breaker, breaker..." Dean opened an eye when nothing happened. They spotted Cas standing between the buildings nearby and made their way over to him.
"Cas? Cas! Hey, Cas! Oh, thank god. What is all this, huh? What did Balthazar do to us?"
"To keep you out of Virgil's reach, he's cast you into an alternate reality, a universe similar to ours in most respects yet dramatically different in others."
"Like bizarro earth, right? Except instead of having bizarre Superman we get this clown factory." Cas looked at him in his usual baffled way.
"Uh... yeah, well...anyway, no time to explain. Do you have the key?"
"Yeah." Sam handed him they key Balthazar had given him. "So, uh, what does this thing do anyway?"
"It opens a room."
"What's in the room?"
"Every weapon Balthazar stole from Heaven."
"He gave it to us?" Dean sounded surprised.
"To keep it safe until I could reach you. With those weapons I have a chance to rally my forces."
"Oh. Okay. Good, yeah." Sam looked relieved. "So, now, what's the deal with all this TV crap?"
"Pardon?"
"Yeah. Amen Padaleski." Dean nodded.
"Uh Lecki."
"What?" Dean frowned at him.
"Lecki,. Pretty sure." Sam replied. Dean gave him a look.
"Man, did they put out new pages?" Cas asked, pulling a script from inside his trenchcoat.
"New what?"
"I mean is this some kind of cosmic joke?"
"Yeah, cause if it is, it's stupid and we don't get it."
"Yeah."
"Are you guys ok?" Cas asked. Lacey suddenly realised his voice had changed and gotten a lot higher compared to his usual tone. Dean grabbed the script from his hand.
"Give me that. What is... these are words in a script. This isn't Cas."
"Dude, look at him." Sam muttered as realisation dawned. Cas began to unbutton his shirt revealing a brightly coloured t-shirt underneath.
"You guys want to run lines or something?"
"His name's Misha. Misha?" Dean scoffed.
"Oh, wow, just...great." Sam took the key back off Misha and the three of them headed off.
"Misha? Jensen? What's up with the names around here? I just want to dig my finger in my brain and scratch until we're back in Kansas." Dean moaned. "You okay, Lace?" He asked, suddenly realising she'd been unusually quiet.
"Uh, maybe, I'm not sure. I don't think I have my powers here." She told them.
"Oh great, this really is a cosmic joke." Dean groaned. Lacey looked at him helplessly. "It's not your fault, sweetheart. If anything happens to you, I'll kill Balthazar." Dean warned.
"Hey, J Ackles." Sam pointed to one of the nearby trailers.
"That's fake me!" Dean exclaimed.
"Yeah."
"This must be fake mine." They headed up the steps and into the trailer. "Dude, I have a helicopter!"
"Oh, all right, who puts a 300 gallon aquarium in their trailer?" Sam scoffed as they began to explore.
"Apparently Jensen Ackles." Dean informed him.
"Huh." Sam sat down at a desk and began fiddling with a laptop. "All right, here we go. Let's see who this guy is."
"Well, he's not a hunter, but he plays one on TV. Oh." Dean picked up a magazine with the three of them on the cover. "Come on. Look at these male modelling sons of bitches. Nice blue steel, Sam." He gave a low whistle. "Nice shorts Lacey." He showed her the cover on which she was wearing a crop top, black patent leather shorts and fishnets. She rolled her eyes at him.
"That's not me. Not really."
"Hey, apparently it's our job." Sam told them. "All right, uh, here goes, um it says you're from Texas."
"Really?"
"Yeah and uh... says you were on a soap opera."
"What?" Dean snapped.
"What does it say about fake me?" Lacey asked. Sam began to tap at the keyboard.
"Uh, she's from England. She's really only famous for Supernatural, not done a lot else, dating some guy in a marvel movie. That's about it." Lacey looked disappointed.
"Oh. Well that's not much." Dean shut the laptop.
"Don't like this universe guys. We need to get out of this universe."
"Yeah. No arguments here. But I don't think our prayers are reaching Cas, or the real Cas."
"Well I agree. I think we are definitely out of soul phone range. But..."
"What?"
"If we can reverse Balthazars spell... I watched every move." Dean picked up a piece of paper and a pen and drew the same sigil that Balthazar had. "We just uh, get the ingredients, right, get back to that same window and ... there's no place like home."

They headed back to the set version of Bobby's living room and began to look for the ingredients to the spell.
"Back bone of a lesser Saint." Sam muttered as he rifled through the drawers. "Got it, uh... it's rubber." Sam told them.
"Check this out." Dean picked up a prop knife and bent it backwards and forwards. "Hay, look. It's fake. It's all fake." He said as he poked Sam in the chest with it. "What are we supposed to do with this crap?" They headed back outside to the lot.
"Of course everything's fake. We're on a film set. We've got to get back to the real world." Sam reasoned as they climbed into one of the Impala's.
"Yeah, now you're talking. All right, we go round up the genuine articles, bring 'em here for the spell..." As the car started to move forward it made some odd grinding noises. "What the hell is going on? What is wrong with this thing?" Sam noticed a crew member running along side them.
"Mr Ackles! Mr Ackles, please!"
"Uh, Dean?" Sam pointed him out. "Dean, it's not the Impala." Dean pressed the breaks and they came to a stop.
"It's a friggin' prop. Just like everything else." They climbed out of the car.
"Oh, thank you, thank you." The crew member gushed.
"How the hell are we supposed to get out if here?" Dean asked.

A few minutes later they were ushered into a car and their driver got in.
"You know whereabouts you want me to drop you off? Jensen?" He asked.
"Me?" Dean jumped to attention. "Yes. Um, I'll just tag along with um..."
"Jared." Sam supplied
"Jared... Jared here."
"Huh. Since when are you guys talking?" The guy asked.
"Yeah, uh, you know what Clint uh..." Sam started.
"Clif." The guy corrected.
"Yeah of course. Clif. Obviously. Um so... I think we're gonna go back to my place and do some... work."
"Work on our acting." Dean supplied.
"Yeah."
"For our characters. For the show."
"Yeah."
"All right. Nicole, what about you?"
"Oh, uh, I'll stick with them too." Lacey replied.
"What happened to your accent?" Clif asked.
"Pardon?"
"You're supposed to be British." Dean whispered to her.
"Oh, right, well I'm trying to keep in character, work on my accent." Lacey told him. Clif shrugged and they pulled out of the Studio Lot.
"Where the hell are we anyway?" Dean asked. He spotted a sign as they were driving over a bridge, saying: 'Welcome to Vancouver.' "Guys, we're not even in America." He whispered, conspiratorially.

A short while later Clif dropped them off outside a garish mansion. They walked inside and found themselves in a lavishly decorated living room.
"Nice modest digs Jay-Z." Dean joked.
"Wow. I must be the star of this thing." Sam said, looking around in awe.
"Yeah. Right. Check it out." Dean nodded at a sun bed against one wall.
"What am I, Dracula?"
"George Hamilton Dracula." Dean replied before noticing the liquor cabinet. "Oh, now we're talking." He walked over and peered out a window. "Dude, you have a camel in your back yard."
"It's an alpaca, dumbass." They all turned and looked on in shock to find Ruby coming down the stairs.
"Ruby?" Dean asked in shock.
"Ruby. Right." She glared at him. "That one never gets old. How was your day today hon?" She asked as she stood on her tip toes to kiss Sam.
"Wait, you aren't Ruby?" Dean looked flabbergasted.
"Do you honestly think that's funny Jensen?"
"Right, right, cause you're not Ruby. You... I mean... how could you be? Of course! You are the lovely actress who plays Ruby." Lacey nodded along, following his train of thought. "And you are in Jared's house, uh, because you two are.." Dean searched the room for inspiration and his eyes fell on a photograph on the mantelpiece. "Married! You married fake Ruby?" He asked Sam, accusingly.
"Wow. That's a new level, even for you." Lacey told him, Sam just glared at her.
"What are you doing?" Ruby asked.
"Work... work." Sam reassured her.
"Yeah, we just uh, thought we'd pop in and say "hey". Hey, uh and ... and maybe run some lines." Dean said as he put an arm around Lacey's shoulder. Ruby looked at them suspiciously.
"You've never even been to our house."
"Well, now that I know there's an alpaca out back, I'm definitely coming back." Dean told her.
"Well, alpacas are the greenest animal." She conceded.
"Right. Right, that is so important." Dean pulled a face and shrugged at Lacey.
"Well, there's that thing I have to get to." 'Ruby' said, heading for the door.
"Oh. Yeah, of course, yeah. The thing." Sam nodded as if he knew what she was talking about.
"The international otter adoption charity dinner?" She filled in.
"Oh."
"Okay... well..." She leant up again and kissed Sam. "Well, I'm glad you two are talking anyway."
"Yeah." Sam watched as she left the house.
"Well, you look like you did alright." Dean commented.
"Yeah. Yeah. I should figure out her name."