Down the Rabbit Hole

Nasty Habits Part 1

Lacey was sat in the dark with a torch reading The colour of magic. Dean was stood in front of a fuse box as Sam came down the stairs.
"Did you strip enough wire?"
"Yes, I stripped enough wire." Dean grumbled.
"All right." Sam attached the cables to the wires and the lights around them flickered to life.
"See? Told you." Dean replied, childishly. Lacey rolled her eyes as she turned off her torch just as Bobby came through the front door.
"Well, isn't this cosy?" He said, glancing around at the dilapidated house.
"Yeah well, Motel six just ain't leaving the light on anymore."
"Well, I'm taking a page out of Frank Deveraux's bible on this. Everybody is just out to get you. Paranoia is just plain common sense."
"Weeks, guys. Weeks. We've been living with cold showers, cold Hot Pockets, cold freaking everything. I mean, this is the bottom that we're living in. You guys get that, right?" Lacey glared at him and put her book down on the table.
"Do we get it? No hair dryer, no washing machine, no central heating, no oven, no microwave. I think we get it." She snapped at him, before picking her book back up.
"How many big mouths are out there, running card traces, like Chet, or hunting us down, God knows what ways? No, now's not the time to be laying our bed rolls out on the grid. Not if we can help it."
"That's just great. This is stupid. Our quality of life is crap. We got Purgatory's least wanted everywhere, and we're on our third "The World's Screwed" in what, three years? We've steered the bus away from the cliff twice already."
"Someone's got to do it." Sam shrugged.
"What if the bus wants to go over the cliff?"
"You think the world wants to end?"
"I think that if we didn't take its belt and all its pens away that yeah, the whole enchilada would have offed itself already."
"Stop trying to wrestle with the big picture, son. You're gonna hurt your head." Lacey smirked at Bobby's comment. Dean rolled his eyes before grabbing a beer from the cooler and collapsing on the sofa. "So, what's the guff?"
"Well, there've been a rash of sightings all over the southern pine barrens, a strange, fast moving, human-like creature. Locals even have a name for it." Sam passed Bobby a pile of research papers.
"The Jersey Devil? I thought that was just local tall tale crap?"
"The areas history of sightings goes back more than two centuries. Some accounts gave it bat wings, others horns, a tail, and oh yeah, a horses head."
"Of course the sketch looks more like a Chewbacca head." Dean chimed in from the sofa.
"Sounds kind of mixed up." Bobby admitted.
"Yeah, kind of like it should be fighting a Japanese robot."
"Well, mixed up or not, it sounds like it might just have a body count." Sam pointed to one of the other articles in the pile.
"Camping high season harshed by human burrito?" Bobby read aloud.
"Yeah, something hung a camper up in a tree, then ate him alive right through his sleeping bag. His wife hasn't been seen either. Plus, there have been four other missing persons reported in the last three weeks. State Troopers, get this, are saying it was a rogue bear."
"Yeah, of course, when was the last time you saw a bear string up its own pinata?" Dean grumbled.
"Somethings out there in the woods. Hey, we're going honest to goodness wilderness hunting. I haven't used my .30-30 in a while." Lacey looked up from her book.
"I don't think I have the shoes for that." Dean chuckled and sat up.
"Okay, Davey Crockett, well safari's going to have to wait till tomorrow and after our suit and tie dance. We'll make sure this isn't just some backwoods crackhead who likes to roll glampers."
"What the hell's a glamper?" Bobby frowned.
"Sam?"
"High end camper, TV, AC, Wi-fi. Back to nature, zero inconvenience."
"That's idiotic."
"Yeah. Some people just don't know how to live." Sam agreed as the lights fizzled and went out.
"Oh crap."

The following day found Sam, Dean and Lacey squeezed into one side of a booth at Biggersons, on the other side was one of the Park Rangers.
"So, Ranger Evans.." Dean began.
"Oh, you can call me Rick. Ranger Rick."
"You were the one who found Mitchell Rayburn, correct?"
"The human burrito." Rick nodded, munching on his sandwich.
"State police have it down as a bear attack." Sam continued.
"Yeah, I read what the state police said. That was no rogue brown." Rick laughed.
"Apparently some others reported seeing something a little, you know, weirder."
"You know I've been a ranger for 12 years. Tell you the truth, we have no idea what's out there. Big. Lots of trees and what not. Tell you this though. You've got to respect mother nature. You respect her, or she'll string you up, eat your ass right through the Gore-tex." Lacey blinked at him and tried not to pull a face as he took another huge bite.
"So you're thinking it's mother nature?" Dean clarified.
"See, me and Phil, we've been finding somethings leftovers for weeks. Deer remains, badgers, missing pets."
"Who's Phil?" Sam asked.
"Assistant Chief Ranger. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Phil in a couple of days. He's supposed to call from whatever station he's checking off."
"But you think your Assistant Chief Ranger might be missing?"
"I should probably report that." Rick pondered. At that moment Bobby walked through the door.
"Uh, excuse us. Well, you enjoy your lunch, Ranger Rick." They climbed out of the booth and headed over to Bobby.
"So?" Dean asked.
"Well, I took a look at the cadaver, what's left of it. Not a happy camper. Don't have any stats on a Jersey Devil, but the bite radius on the vic's wounds, it's too small for a Leviathan. And he's still got a ventricle and some change, so I doubt we're talking werewolf. And a wendigo don't leave no scraps."
"Hmmm. Lunch?" Dean suggested.
"Starving." Bobby nodded. Dean signalled to a waiter who was passing.
"Hey, Brandon. We grab a booth?"
"Hey, douchewad. A hostess will seat you. Do I look like a freaking hostess?"
"Do you want to look like a hostess?" Dean stumbled over his words. Brandon stormed off.
"That didn't really make sense, what you said." Sam pointed out.
"What was that?" Dean muttered as they stared after Brandon
"I sure hope we don't get Brandon's section."

"Spoke too soon." Lacey muttered to Bobby as an irate looking Brandon brought over their food.
"Sidewinder soup and salad combo goes to Big Bird." He said as he put a plate down in front of Sam. "TDK Slammer to Ken doll." He put down Dean's before turning to Lacey. "Taco Cone for Barbie and a little heart smart for creepy uncle." He finished with Bobby's food.
"What is your problem?" Dean asked.
"You are my problem!" Brandon screamed before stalking off.
"Oh, Brandon's got his flare all up in a bunch." Bobby said as they watched him leave.
"Yeah. There goes his 18%." Sam said as he started to eat.
"Anyway, Chief Ranger, I don't think he believes in the Jersey Devil."
"Oh, by the way, did he seem a little stoned to you?" Sam asked.
"Ranger Rick? Yeah, definitely growing his own on the back 40 and smoking all the profits."
"He did seem to think that there was something.." Sam began but was interrupted as Dean took a bite out of his sandwich and let out a moan.
"Oh, that is good sandwich." Lacey bit her lip and tried not to giggle at the look of bliss on Dean's face, which reminded her of a very different situation he made that expression in.
"What the hell did you get?" Bobby asked. Dean turned the advertisement on the table.
"New Pepperjack Turducken Slammer, limited time only."
"Bunch of birds shoved up inside each other. Shouldn't play God like that." Bobby wrinkled his forehead.
"Hey, don't look at me sideways from that Chinese chicken geezer salad there, okay? This is awesome. Like the perfect storm of your top three edible birds. Want to try some?" He offered the sandwich to Lacey.
"Oh, no thanks, it's a bit much even for me."
"Suit yourself." Dean shrugged and took another bite.
"All right, anyways, the Ranger did seem to think there was something out in Wharton Forest." Sam admitted.
"Well then, I'd say it's safari time." There was a commotion in the back as Brandon and his manger got in a fight before he threw his apron down and headed out the door.
"That guy has serious issues." Lacey muttered.
"Well, anyway, back to bigger and better things." Dean smiled as he turned his attention back to his sandwich.

A short while later the four of them were trekking through the forest, following Bobby's lead. Bobby stopped by some bushes and examines the leaves.
"Couple of bucks, headbutting over turf probably. Pretty sure the other fella won."
"I guess I forgot. Before you were a hunter... you were actually a hunter." Sam dead panned.
"Yeah well, we shot our dinner when I was a kid."
"You used to take us hunting. Remember? Dad had a case, he'd just dump us on you. Shoot, you must have taught us most of the outdoor tracking we know." Dean reminisced.
"Yeah, what I could get to stick. I never could get you little grubs to pull a trigger on a single deer."
"You're talking about Bambi, man." Dean chuckled.
"You don't shoot Bambi, jackass. You shoot Bambi's mother."
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." Lacey said before she walked into the back of Dean. She followed his gaze and wrinkled her nose at the severed arm hanging from the tree.
"Well, looks like we found Phil."

It had gotten dark out as they waited for Ranger Rick to arrive. He rolled up in his range rover and got out.
"Special Agents. Look, I got your call, but I'm not sure I got what you were saying." Dean pointed up at the arm in the tree. "Hey, I think we found Phil."
"That's what I said." Dean grinned.
"Uh, I should probably call this in."
"Yeah, yeah, solid move, Rick." Sam nodded along, a pained expression on his face. Rick headed back to his vehicle and pulled out his radio.
"This is Ranger Evans up at Achers Point. Come in. Repeat, this is Chief Ranger Evans. I have a situation out at Achers Point." There was a sound of movement in the bushes behind him and a low growl could be heard.
"Ranger, I think we've got company." Bobby called out.
"Yeah? Who's that?" Rick turned around and his look of mild surprise turned into shock as something grabbed him and dragged him into the trees.
"Ranger! Ranger Evans! Ranger!" Sam shouted as the four of the rushed forward, too late.
"It's got him up the trees. Lights off." Bobby said as they pointed their guns high up into the branches.
"What?" Dean asked, looking perturbed.
"Wait, Bobby, you really think that's a good idea?" Sam asked as they lowered their guns.
"Shut up, shut off and listen." They did as they were told and shut off the lights. In the blackness they could hear a crunching sound. "Damn thing's eating Rick."
"Man, I liked Rick." Dean shook his head in disappointment. The three of them shot him varying looks of confusion and disbelief. Bobby pointed his gun up into the murky darkness and pulled the trigger. A second later a human-like creature fell to the ground, Ranger Ricks arm still in its mouth.
"Oh, that's seriously gross." Lacey put her hand up to her mouth, trying not to retch.
"Wow, nice shot Bobby." Dean looked impressed.
"Seriously." Sam nodded his approval.
"We all got our gifts." Bobby shrugged.
"What about the rest of Ranger Rick?"
"Ranger called in his 10-20. His own will find him. We got crap to do."