I was in mine and lukes room doodling in my sketchbook, I was nearly even looking at my book as I drew I was just looking ahead at the tv, I have been up here for about 2 hours on my own just to cool off and calm down which was working. I reached under the bed for my secret stash of cigarettes and found them along with the lighter, I quickly lit one up and deeply inhaled which made me feel a little light headed. "Baby open the door, Ben said he's sorry and the boys were too busy checking out your actual tattoo." His voice was muffled by the door and I could tell he was a bit upset. "I'm not leaving this room." I said firmly and holding my breath before blowing out the smoke. "Well then at least let me in." He whinged, I twiddled with the jumper I had on and I felt me breathing getting heavy. "No, I just...wanna be in my own for a while." I exhaled and put the fag but out the window, luke was still on the other side of the door and I don't think he was moving anytime soon. I looked at the picture I was drawing and it was myself about 4 years ago, the same pregnant photo of me looking sad and alone with a small life growing inside me.
Flashback
"Is it definitely lukes?" My mother asked me and she sat beside me on the bed. "Yes, he's the only person I've slept with so unless the waster bunny got frisky with me while I was asleep then it's definitely lukes little girl." I snapped, I didn't mean to but it just happened. It hurt that she thought I'd cheat on luke or come here and have meaningless sex."I was just wondering, why did you leave honey? Why can't you come home with me and I can help you look after this baby." She basically begged. "I don't want to talk about it mum, and I don't want to go back to Australia. There's just too many memories that I don't want to relive." I sighed and looked down at my legs. *click* I looked up and my mother had the camera in her hands. "Whenever you need a reason to come home look at this photo and how miserable you look, you deserve to be happy" she mumbled with sorrow lacing her voice. "I don't deserve anything, the only thing I deserve is this misery that I'm forced to live with. I know you're trying to be a good parent and everything but it's just not worth wasting it on me." I smiled weakly and cupped her face, she grabbed her bag and pushed my hand away from her. "Why can't you just listen to me?! I'm sorry you and look split up bit boo fucking hoo! Come home with me and we can talk-" she yelled but I cut her off by yelling louder. "I DON'T WANT TO TALK! JUST GET OUT!" I screamed and let tears fall down my face. "Fine but when you realise I was right you call me." And with that she left.
Back to reality
"Beth it's me, let me in." Ashton knocked the door snapping me out the memory, I walked over to the door and slowly and very reluctantly opened it. "Hey, you okay?" He cooed, I hugged him and nodded. "What's brought this on?" He asked with a little worry in his voice. "Just a bad memory, I'm sorry" I whimpered and pulled out the hug. "Wanna talk about it?" He asked, I shook my head and shuddered a little. "Let's just go downstairs, I need to say sorry to ben." I sighed and pulled on my slippers, I had little hedgehog slippers that were so fucking cute and adorable. "No, Louise is about to go to bed so maybe you could put her to bed." Ash suggested. "I suppose. She prefers it when luke puts her to bed, he tells her story's of when we were younger. It's really sweet." I rambled. "Well why don't you tell her your version." He pushed me into Louises room and she was in bed. "Hey lou lou, do you want me to tell you a story?" I cooed, I tucked her in and sat at the foot of her bed. "Mum how did you meet daddy?" She mumbled. "I had just moved from the UK to Australia, I was really anxious about going to Australia out new school but when I got there I noticed it wasn't that bad. I was in the reception and I saw your dad staring at me, I thought he was good looking but he was kinda creeping me out. I walked up the stairs and heard someone calling me and it was your dad. I remember him saying something like 'hi my names luke' and then I didn't really reply because I was so shy" Louise laughed at me loudly and then looked at me still sniggering. "You! Shy?! No freaking way" she sniggered. "I was really shy and then your dad said something in response to my shyness. 'Surely a pretty girl like you has a name' he said I just rolled my eyes and passed him off as a jack ass, later on we became good friends and me and your dad used to go to the beach together and movies all the time. We used to stay round mine or one of the boys houses and get drunk, we were all really good friends." I smiled at her, she let out a small yawn and laid down. "When did you and daddy become boyfriend and girlfriend?" I smiled at her and then quickly ran out the room, grabbed my old sketch book and ran back in. "This is my old sketch book, I was working on my android project at the time and I remember the teacher insulting me and I flipped and ran to the music room in tears. When your daddy found me I was in my car adding the last penciled details and your dad came and listened to me rant about how pissed off I was, we both looked into eachother eyes and....It was like time stood still and it was just us in the world, we kissed and it was amazing but your uncles knocked on the window and teased us..me and your dad for about 2 weeks, we weren't together straight away we just kinda avoided eachother" Louise giggled and hid her face in the quilt. "Uncle Mikey said he was nearly sick all over your car and that he still picks on luke." I laughed and climbed in the bed beside her, she laid her head on my shoulder. "Then when did you and daddy get together?" She yawned. "I don't actually remember sweetie, I think I may have drunk a lot of silly juice." I blushed. I called it silly juice around her because she didn't need to know about alcohol, she's only 5 years old. "Uncle ash said that you always used to act silly and we're always smiling, why don't you smile as much anymore?" She asked, I felt my mood get squashed as if it was a tiny bug and she stood on it. "Well I'm... I am a little pores but I'm trying to get better...I'm really really trying to get better lou lou." I sighed and pulled her closer, she kissed my cheek and then my lips. "I love you mummy, I hope you get better soon. Maybe the doctor people can help you." She sleepily mumbled, her words were true and maybe I could go see a doctor. "Maybe, get some sleep sweetie." I kissed her and hopped out of her bed. "Mummy, good night and...I love you" I kissed her cheeks. "I love you more." I left her room and quietly closed the door. "You're ill?" I heard someone from behind me, I jumped and let out a scared gasp. "Luke! You scared me!" I whisper yelled. "Don't change the subject. What did you mean when you said you were poorly?" He said sternly, I could tell he was worried but annoyed that I had been keeping secrets from him. "It's nothing luke, I'm fine." I smiled nervously and patted his cheek, I began walking away and lukes hand grabbed my own. "Please tell me, you can tell me anything." He sighed, I pulled my hand away and looked at him with sad eyes. "This is something I have to deal with on my own, please don't start an argument because I dont have the energy." I yawned and walked down the stairs to join everyone else on the couch. "Hey Ben, can you pass me a beer?" I asked him and I flopped in the couch next to Ashton. "What's the magic word?" He teased. "Hmm is it pass me a beer you asshole? Or maybe it's, if you don't pass me a beer you have my word that I will shove the bottle opener where the sun don't shine" I smiled a genuine happy smile as I saw the scared expression on his face. "Well will you drink a fourty?" He asked as he reached for the bottle. "Oh my god! Some one go to the shop and buy 12 fourtys, duct tape and some salsa and nachos." I passed them some money out my back pocket. "Why can't you go?" Ben whined. "They don't serve me and that means I have to spend ages digging around for my ID...." I stopped paying attention as the super bowl came on. "Fine, only because there's no better way to watch the-" Ben started but I interupted. "Are you gonna stand there babbling or are you gonna go, cause if not I will just go myself. i don't wanna miss the game" I giggled and didn't take my eyes away from the screen. "Wait, you watch the bowl? You're a girl and an English girl too." He chuckled. "Ben let's just go" Ashton said as he pulled him out the door.
~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~
"Is that okay?" I giggled as I tapped lukes hands to the cold bottle. "Yeah babe, what's the rules again?" He laughed , I popped the first lid off and looked at him. "Okay so your hands are taped to the bottles and your not allowed to take them off till you have drunk both bottles. You have your index finger free so you can eat the nachos and dip." I stated, Ashton tapped my hands to the cold bottle, he left my index fingers out and took the tops off my bottles. "Shit beth what if I need to pee?" Luke was panicking. "Well I suggest you hold it and drink them really quickly, or you could get one of the guys to help you." I giggled. Ashton wasn't playing edward 40 hands because he was 'too sensible' and 'not an idiot' Pfftt boring! Everyone waited till kickoff and then we all drank.
~°~°~°~°~°~°~
"Ashdon hermin, I have a pag of fag under the bend, can you go gedum?" I slurred and leaned on him, we had been drinking before this game so I was out of it. "How you gonna smoke it with one finger?" He chuckled and was keeping, luke was singing along to the song playing at half time and calum was cuddling an unconscious mike. "Is..is mike drinking nose beers? I'll have mem." I exclaimed, I looked back at Ashton and he was laughing, he looked into the camera and said. "ain't no party like a 5sos party cause beths really irrisponible and makes everyone drink a lot. " I giggled and leaned back into luke s chest. "Beth, sing along. No body's singing with me" He slurred and pouted. "Lukey you're soooooo drunk, I don't like this song. HEY ASH CAN YOU CHANG THE SONY! " I shouted to him. "Shut up you'll wake Louise up! And I can't change it because it's on the game." He hissed, I took a large swig of the remanded in the first bottle and rose my hand up. "Dude, one bottle down only another one to go." Ashton grabbed my pack of fags and placed one in my mouth. "Can't smoke with one finger, take it out." I mumbled, he pulled the unlit fag out my mouth and placed it back in the packet. "So what are you gonna do?" He groaned and flopped back. "Chug"
It took me 5 discusting minutes to chug the horrible tasting liquid and then I was done. "I WON! FUCK YOU AND YOU AND YO-" "Mum? Why are you yelling?" She yawned and rubbed her eyes. "And why do you have empty bottles stuck to your hands?" She giggled sleepily, I walked over to her and crouched down to her level. "Let's get you back to...bed sweetie." I slightly slurred my words and walked her back to her room. "Night baby girl." I giggled and tucked her in with my bottle hands. "Night mum"
"Untape me aszdon." I giggled and held out my bottle constricted hands. "Uh beth I need a wee" luke whined, oh how lucky I am.
