8 and a half months
I was lying in bed looking at the ceiling in my room drifting off into a land of daydreams. "My ship went down in a sea of sound when I woke up alone I had everything a hand full of moments I wish I could change and a tone like a nightmare that cut like a blade. In a city of fools I was carefully and cool but they tore me apart like a hurricane. A hand full of moments I wish I could change but I was carried away. Give me therapy I'm a walking travesty but I'm smiling at everything." I sung at the top of my lungs, I packed a bag for the baby so I'd be ready when the time comes, I picked up a few nappys and bottle formula as well as dummy's and socks. I picked up little mittens too for her and a couple of blankets. "Shit, wet wipes" I muttered as I stroked my bump with one hand. I placed the final things in the bag and placed it by the front door. I felt my little girl kicking like crazy. "Woah little lady, calm down, you're hurting mummy." I winced, I went into the newly decorated nursery, the walls were an off white with a pink bottom, I had hand painted a beautiful tree that grew outside our house that was blossoming. I had a rocking chair in the corner so I could rock my little girl to sleep in when she wakes up screaming and crying. Draws filled with many outfits and shoes that were so adorable. "I wish you could have everything but the one thing i can't give you is a daddy, I wish I could but I can't, I will tell you one day but not until you're old enough to understand the full story." I mumbled sadly, I felt a huge pressure between my legs and then I heard a tiny splash. "Okay let's get to the hospital" I said calmly, I got into my car and drove quickly to the nearest hospital, I was 2 minutes away when I felt the first contraction. "Not yet baby girl, stay in for 2 more minutes" I whimpered and drove faster, finally I was at the hospital and I walked in quickly. "Hello how can I help you?" The nurse said in a sweet smooth voice. "My waters have broke and I'm feeling contractions" I whined, the doctor sat me in a wheel chair and rushed me to the maternity ward. "Is there anyone we can call for you?" He said in a hurried voice. "No I don't have anyone" I whispered quietly.
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"Okay sweetie, when you feel the need to push I want you to give big long pushes, remember to keep breathing evenly as well it helps the pushes." The midwife said, I nodded and got ready to push. "I..I need to push" I cried, she positioned my legs and crouched down. "Okay on the count of three. One...Two... .three!" She said loudly, I gave a long hard push, it was so painful. It was like I was being torn in two. "Good girl, take a few deep breaths and then I'll need a bigger push for the shoulders." She soothed, I nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay..." I panted, she looked at me and then back down. "Push for me" she yelled. I let out an even bigger push which was twice as painful. "It hurts so much" I sobbed, another nurse came and sat beside me and held my hand. "Deep breaths, come on you can do it." She whispered, I took a shaky deep breath and nodded frantically. "Okay we are nearly done" I pushed long and hard before having to stop because of the pain. "Good girl, one last push like that and she'll be out. One last push dear." The midwife spoke loud and clearly. "Okay...one more" I sobbed and pushed, I was screaming on this last push until it was over, the sound of my baby girls crying filled the room. "It's a girl" the nurse exclaimed. "Oh thank god." I exhaled and laid back. "Is there anyone we could call for you? Your mother? The baby's father?" The nurse said kindly. "The baby doesn't have a father and my mother is occupied, I'd much rather be alone anyways" I sniffled, the nurse nodded sympatheticly and smiled at me. "Okay anything you wish." She said and passed me my little girl, I smiled and kissed her head. She had dirty blonde hair and deep dimples. "You look exactly like a female luke, you're beautiful." I cried with joy and sadness. "Louise, I promise to be a mother and a father to you, we will make another music room and I will teach you to play every instrument I can play, you and me on our own." I whispered to her, I picked up the baby bag I had and put on a nappy, some socks, and all in one and a pair of mittens. "She looks cute" I heard the nurse say, I looked up and smiled at her. "Her name is going to be Louise, Louise hemmings. And she will be my little angel." I smiled back down at my baby. "I knew I knew you from somewhere, you're a famous photographer and you and luke are together." She exclaimed. I smiled weakly at my precious baby and then looked at the woman with teary eyes. "We used to be together, I broke up with him before I found out about Louise. " I sniffed. She sat on the end of my bed and looked at me. "Have you told him? I think he needs to know" she said cautiously, I looked at my baby and kissed her forehead once more. "No, I haven't told him and ...I never will. I'm heartbroken and seeing him or hearing his voice breaks me apart, my little girl doesn't deserve the same treatment." I mumbled, she came and stroked Louises head gently. "I came round to ask if you're using formula because if so I have to make a bottle up." She said bluntly, I passed her a bottle and the tub of powder formula. "Thankyou" I whispered.
