Today I was dressed and ready to go to the only person I could think of, my dad. Yes he was dead but I could spill everything without looking crazy. I tied up my hair incase of any vomiting mishaps.
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"Hi dad, it's been a while but I'm here now. I um I've moved back to the UK now, me and luke split up" I began to cry. "I was also in a coma too, I nearly died. Right now I wish I had died. I had this crazy dream where I had two kids and in my dream I came here, I imagined how happy you would be if you were around." I sobbed, I was on my knees and crying like a baby. "It hurts so much, heartbreak hurts so much. Why did I leave? I would have either told him and he would have left but I had to be the one." I fake laughed, I wiped my tears and placed my head in my hands. "Every guy in my life ends up gone, it's not fucking fair" I sighed, I stood up and made my way out of the cemetery. "Urgh let's go home" I groaned as I phoned a cab.
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At home I looked through twitter and saw many tweets to me. Most of them about me breaking lukes heart and that I should die and others begging for me go back to him. I looked on all the boys wall but I saw one tweet from mike that made me hit rock bottom. 'I've lost my best friend in the whole wide world, I remember all those years ago when we made that pinky promise but now it's just broken. I've been crying for days on end because I miss you so much. I guess I have to stay strong for 4 years huh?' I ran upstairs to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. "What have I done?!" I choked out, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and was horrified by who u had become. I rummaged through the bathroom for the razors. I made several cuts on my arm before chucking the bloody blade away from myself. "I wanna go home" I sobbed, I saw the amount of blood that was pouring from my arms, it was thick and deep red. I grabbed my phone and called the first number I saw. Michaels. "Hello?" A giggly voice said on the other line. "Mike, I've done something stupid" I sobbed, suddenly his laughter stopped and it was silent. "Wh..what do you mean?" Mike stuttered. I sniffled and looked at my arm which was dripping into a puddle on the floor. "Are you alone?" I asked him quietly. "No I'm with Ashton, beth what have you done?!" Mike exclaimed, I took a deep shaky breath and looked at the ceiling. "I..I'm so stupid." I said shakily, I could see black spots in my vision. "What have you done beth?!" Ashton whimpered. "I...I cut too deep, I'm losing a lot of blood. I just called to say, Mikey I'm still sticking to that pinky promise we made and I love you guys. Fuck" I sniffled. "Why? Why did you do this?! Where are you?!" They asked me. "I am far far far...." I trailed off and passed out.
{Flashback}
"I just...can't do it anymore" I cried into ashtons shoulder. "Yes you can, I'm here for you" Ashton said as he took the blade out my hand and placed a damp towel on my arm. "Ash I can see you're uncomfortable, you don't need to be here." I sniffed and looked at him. "I'm here. You can't get rid of me now." He smiled, I smiled at him and we wrapped up my arm. A few days after this happened he drew a butterfly on my wrist and kissed all the marks. "Don't ever do this again"
{End of flashback}
I woke up on the cold bathroom floor with a pool of blood on the floor, finally the blood had stopped flowing. "Beth? Are you there?!" I heard someone call through the phone. "H..hello?" I groaned. "Oh thank god, MIKEY she's okay!" Ashton yelled. "I can't do it anymore ash, I'm tired of trying and always failing." I sighed, I felt tears in my eyes that threatened to spill. "Yes you can beth, you have to keep trying because we love you" Ashton cried. "Years have gone by and I'm still that girl in the bathroom crying, I'm tired of not being able to be normal and happy I just want it all to end." I whispered. "No, no you made us the 4 year promise. I need to see you in 4 years with a smile and those beautiful blue eyes shining like you don't have a care in the world." Mikey sniffled. "Okay..4 years, I just need to hold on " I sniffed and sighed. "Yeah that's it okay? You need go go to the hospital and get checked out, okay?" Ashton said softly, I began wiping up my blood of the floor and dabbing my arms. "Yeah I will, I...I have been ill ever since I left oz anyways, don't tell anyone you heard from me or what I did. Promise?" I begged. "Wait you left oz?" Mike exclaimed. Shit my cover wad blown. "Yeah..no I moved to America for my career." I lied again. "Well why didn't you say that?!" He shouted. "I panicked, I.. I feel sick" I groaned and shuffled closer to the toilet. "Are you okay?" Mikey asked. "No I think I have a stomach bug, or airplane germs." I giggled, the boys chuckled until I began violently throwing up. "I'm gonna go, talk to you in 4 years" I whimpered and hung up quickly. I emptied another load of vomit into the toilet.
