It's My Fault

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(Go follow LookismChoi they have the best Lookism fanfic out there. They are also so kind and funny. If you want a tougher Gunny and more in character Lookism characters, go read their book Property or Gun and Goo. There's a bit of spice in there book not to much, but just enough. Anyways, thank you to everyone who waited a month and a half for me to update and actually returned, it means the world to me!!! Enjoy!!!)

I peeled the mask off Goo as well as the under eye patches and cucumber pieces.

"Where's my snack, bitch?" He asked and I slapped him with a piece of ham.

"Choke on that, you stupid piss hair, wannabe blonde, fake ass, eyebrow dyeing ass BITCH. I hope you stub your toe."

Gun and Goo burst into laughter while DG just shook his head, trying his best to keep his composure.

"Now shut up and let me do your eyebrows." I snapped and grabbed my blade and he closed his eyes. I carefully fixed his eyebrows and then began to moisturized his face.

Two arms slithered around my waist and Gun put his chin on my shoulder. I glanced at him and saw the look he was giving my older brother.

"You want a facial too?" I asked and he glanced at me. "Fine, go sit down over there." I laughed.

"Stop squirming!" I hissed and pushed Gun back against the couch backrest as I straddled him.

"It's cold!"

"Your body heat will warm it, now hold still!" I hissed as I smoothed out the mask.

"Ugh!"

"Stop acting like a bitch, not even Sofia is this dramatic. Now lift your arm."

"Why?!"

"I'm gonna wax your underarms."

"No, never again!"

"Gun, come on! Do you want hairy underarms?!"

"...no."

"Then come on! And don't worry, I'm doing it to Goo as well."

"Wait what?!" Goo asked before running away.

"You can do it to me." DG shrugged.

"Can't you see she's doing it to me? Didn't your mother ever teach you to wait your turn?" Gun asked and pulled me closer to him.

"But-?" I was cut off.

"You were just complaining that you didn't want to get waxed." DG raised an eyebrow.

"Well I'm getting this done so shut your mouth."

"Hey, be nice! Why are you always being so mean to DG, he's not doing anything wrong! Be nice to him already!" I huffed and punched his chest.

Gun glanced at DG and DG glanced at Gun.

"Now hush and let me finish."

After finishing the two boys and chasing Goo around till I waxed his underarms hairless, I flopped into bed.

My head really hurts and so does my side.

I was feeling ballsy today...how did I get stabbed with a fork?!

How humiliating!

Me! Sargent Death! Stabbed by a God damn fork!

Miss Grace would kill me if she knew!

"I do know."

Oh shut up, you old hag!

"How can you live with this shame? I expected more from you."

Well you expect to much! I'm just a kid for fucks sake!

"That is no excuse! Do you know how many kids out there have it harder than you?! How many kids wish to be in your shoes?!"

Well they can have them, I don't wanna wear them anymore!

"THAT'S NOT A CHOICE FOR YOU TO MAKE! YOU BROUGHT THIS UPON YOURSELF, YOU DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES!"

HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?! I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS! I DIDN'T WANT TO BE KIDNAPPED, RAPED, BEAT AND MADE INTO THIS MONSTER!

"YOU WERE THE ONE THAT UPSET YOUR BROTHER! YOU WERE TOO NEEDY AND HE COULDN'T HANDLE IT ANYMORE! YOU WERE THE ONE HOLDING HIM BACK, IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT HE LEFT! YOU ARE THE ONE THAT GOT THE BOULDER ROLLING!"

I WAS 10 AND SCARED! HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO UNDERSTAND?!

"CAN YOU GO ONE DAY WITHOUT MAKING AN EXCUSE?! WILL YOU EVER LEARN TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS?!"

I'M SORRY! IM SORRY OKAY?! BUT IT WASN'T MY FAULT!

"Are you sure about that?"

I covered my ears as Sargent Death entered the conversation.

"Come on, you know it's your fault. You know he left because of you. You were too much for him. If you hadn't forced him to leave, you wouldn't have gone out to look for him. If you hadn't gone out, you wouldn't have gotten kidnapped, raped, and made into this monster. Take responsibility for your own actions. You might not like it, but this is your fault and you don't have a choice but to continue down this path."

I don't want to be this anymore....

"Fine, let more people die because, AWWWW, I'm to sad!"

"We don't have a choice. We owe it to the people we killed and the people that will be killed if we retire. Everything is our fault."

"Everything is my fault..." I whispered and my eyes burned with tears.

"YN?"

(Hello again My Lovely Bun Buns! This is just a reminder that my Instagram is bad.edits_xp. I hardly post there and in not making anymore edits but I do give a lot of spoilers on their. Not even spoilers but I do like to publicly interact with you guys with questions and sometimes dumb little games. I think I also give you all the ability to somewhat control where the book goes with the voting/questions. It's also easier for me to keep you guys up to date there. Okay, thank you and bye! Ps, the next chapters are a lot better than this one, sorry.)

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