"are you ok?"
he looked at her with this gaze. he didnt even really hear what she said but whatever it was, it made him giggle a little.
"calum? whats wrong with you?"
"nothin'" he answered. "im perfectly fine."
she gave him a concerned look before staring at the bottles scattered across the house and even some drugs. she looked back at calum, shaking her head.
"you're crying."
"no im not, you are." he smiled. however, there were tears streaming his cheeks. she was the girl that broke his heart and she thought she could come up into his house and simply ask: are you ok?
a sigh left the girls lips, running her fingers through her hair before picking up empty bottles. calum watched her carefully before picking up the bottle of beer he was currently working on and taking a sip from it.
"is this all you've done since i've been gone?" she called from the kitchen, throwing the bottles in a trash bag.
"maybe." he answered quietly, pushing himself off the couch to follow her.
she dropped the trash bag, standing in front of him. her eyes were warm, comforting. and so was her touch. she brought her hand up to his cheek, her skin baby soft and still smelt of the perfume he bought her ages ago in paris.
"calum, this needs to stop. its not healthy, mentally and physically."
he shrugged, chuckling a little. "i seem pretty okay."
"well its not.." she replied, her eyes getting watery. she pulled and it made him sad seeing her sad. she turned away from him, continuing to pick up more bottles, sniffling a little every few seconds.
"i miss you y/n," calum spoke up. "come back."
she scoffed, dropping the bag again, leaning against the counter looking at him. "calum we can't work if you're like this. and correct me if i'm wrong, but you're the one that fucked up; going around and messing with women behind my back." she spat, biting down on her lip quickly after. calum frowned, walking over to her, arms wrapping around her.
"i told you i'm sorry.."
"yeah will sorry doesn't always fix things." she mumbled, pressing her cheek against his chest even tho she wanted to punch him at the same time.
"stay the night," he whispered. "please, baby."
her stomach did a little flip at the pet name, her arms squeezing his sides. sighing, she nodded stiffly before pulling away to go back to cleaning up the house a little. while she did so, calum wandered back to the couch, just gazing into space. it wasn't until she finished cleaning, she sat next to him.
"when was the last time you showered?"
"i dunno, a few days ago?" he shrugged, grabbing his pack of cigarettes, pulling out a cancer stick and shoving it between his chap lips, lighting it.
however, he didn't get to smoke it for long as she grabbed it from of his mouth and putting out in the ashtray full of old ashes and cigarette buds. "go shower."
"but i dont wanna," he groaned, still getting up anyways. she pointed toward the bathroom, calum sighing as he went.
while calum stood in the shower, the hot water trickling down his back as he stared at his feet, sighing. he knew his actions were wrong. he knew that the reason they fell apart was him. yet he still pretended to ignore it just so it didn't hurt him even more than it already did.
once he was cleaned and washed, he stepped out, drying off and putting on fresh clothes before walking out to see her sitting on the couch still. when she heard his footsteps, she turned and looked up at him.
as much as she didn't want to miss the maori boy, she still cared about him dearly. she missed waking up to seeing him smile, the smell off his cologne that stuck to every article of clothing he owned & driving around town at stupid hours in the night.
"don't you feel better?" she gave him a small smile.
"nope." he sadly smiled back at her.
"c'mon cal," she sighed. "quit being like this."
"being like what? depressed?" he shot her a look before looking at the coffee table. a cigarette or a blunt? he chose the one that made him feel the most numb.
just as earlier, he lit the blunt, letting the smoke fill his body before letting the thick smoke fall past his lips as he fell back on the couch. she watched him do this and she just felt anger bubble inside her.
"quit fucking being like this calum!" she finally snapped, making him jump. "you act like you havent done shit, when it was all you. to be honest, i wouldn't even be here unless it was for ashton because you wanna know why?" she leaned forward, tears building up in her pretty eyes. "because i knew you were such a mess and it hurts me to see you like this. but i did it anyways because i care about you but how can i help you when you cant even care for yourself?"
calum saw a tear slip from her eyes as she got up and wandered somewhere in his house but didnt know where. a lump began to build up in his throat, now realizing he has once again messed up hurting his girl. he sat there for a minuet or two before getting up and looking for her, calling out her name.
there was no answer. but he heard her.
when he pushed open the door to his bedroom, he saw her, sitting on his sheets, crying and wiping her eyes. calums heart was racing and he felt so bad for hurting her. for hurting them.
slowly, he stepped forward, sitting in front of her, putting her chin up. she looked at him with her glossy eyes as she looked back at his bloodshot ones. while he continued to gaze at her, calum brought his hand up to her cheek, causing her to lean into it, his thumb running across her skin.
"are you ok?" he asked her this time. she shook her head, letting out a sob, shutting her eyes as tears fell into the palm of his hand.
calum knew it was a stretch but, his other hand held her face, kissing her lips. everything felt gentle. the way he held her pretty face in his hands, the way his lips molded with her own, even his breathing. he felt as if he was on a high. but one that was different than one he normally felt and he was pretty sure she felt it too because she melted at his touch.
she leaned backward, letting herself fall onto his pillow as he hovered over her, reconnecting with their lips, causing a soft moan to slip from his girl at the feeling. he pulled from her lips, kissing her jaw, her shoulders and down her arms to her hands before back to her mouth.
she was no longer crying but her heart was beating out of her chest. in that moment, she felt a little bit more than okay, being taken to back to old memories and stolen kisses when the two weren't so toxic.
"calum," she whispered, pulling and opening her eyes. he looked at her, eyes sparkling, looking for a glimmer of hope for the two of them. maybe they can learn to love each other again. maybe they'll be okay. maybe they can he happy again.
"i cant do this."
and just like that, he felt his heart shatter into a million pieces like the first time.
