nothing good came out of drunk sad calum. mistakes and regrets were always made and in the end, he woke up with not only a huge hang over but also humiliation. when you're single, having a hard time finding love & feel lonely, sometimes you think about past feelings. and thats what calum did. he'd think about all the ways he could've saved the relationship, what he could've said differently, if he should call her up and give it another shot. all he wanted was to hold a girl in his arms that was head over heels for him like he was for her. he wanted to feel the butterflies in his stomach just thinking about her. he wanted to be someones and for some person to be his. he wanted to have late night talks about life and stupid fights over the silliest things. but all he had was a bottle of liquor and a guitar. sometimes, he'll go on his phone, writing out an endless paragraph about how he still had feelings for her deep down, but after reading it, he'd just delete it and drink more to try and forget about it. however, tonight was different. he was sitting at the piano, playing the chords to norman fucking rockwell, humming the lyrics to himself, a sigh leaving his chap lips every now and then till he heard his dog, duke, barking and running down the hallway, meaning someone was here. getting up, he walked out the room to the living room. when he got to the door, calum looked through the peep-hole, seeing a female figure standing there. unlocking the door, he cracked the door open a bit so duke didn't escape. "calum," she said softly, looking at his dark eyes. "i miss you." before he could say anything, she ran into his arms, wrapping herself around him as he stood there in shock for a second before doing the same. "whats wrong?" he mumbled into her hair, pulling a bit so he could look at her. she looked like she'd been crying. her normally make-up concealed face was messy, her mascara all over her eyes, which were also a bit red. "everything." was all she said. calum let her in the house, shutting the door again, pulling her to the living room. "i'm sorry i-i just showed up here. you were the first person i thought of to goto." she murmured, calum letting the girl talk. he couldn't help but feel his heart break a little seeing the sparkly rock on her finger. "i think andy is cheating on me." after the words left her lips, she broke down, the sound of sobs, her sobs, ringing in his ears. i'd never do that to you, he thought. "why do you think so? not to be nosy, just, you know." he shrugged, watching her trying to catch her breath, wiping her cheeks. "because, i literally found some stupid bitch's god damn underwear in his drawer." she huffed, her cheeks getting red just thinking about it. "like why now? we're suppose to get married for fucks sake." she cried, calum feeling his heart hurt for the girl. he pulled her into a hug, letting her cry while he rubbed her back. "i'm really sorry y/n, if theres any good thing about it, at least you found out before the wedding, you know? but, m-maybe you should talk to him." he said softly, feeling her small frame shaking against his. "yeah i guess. but fuck him, i'm not gonna be with a cheating bastard." she scoffed, the two pulling. calum watched her pull the ring off her finger, slamming it on his coffee table, sighing deeply. silence fell between the two, the girl looking at her lap and calum watching her, still drunk and unsure of what to say. "i miss you too, by the way." calum finally said, causing her to look up at him. "you've missed out on some rad parties." he elbowed her, giving her a tiny smile. she couldn't help but smile a little too. memories of the two flashed in calum's head as he looked at her. "take me to one sometime. i need a new boyfriend now." she joked. hoping to help get her mind off things, calum and her caught up, talking for about two hours about memories and what was currently going on in their lives. "you know calum... i," she paused, biting on her lip. "nevermind i dont wanna say it." "c'mon, tell me, im sure its no big deal." calum poked her knee, looking at her. she thought about it for a second before sighing. "before andy, i had the biggest crush on you. but it obviously wasn't meant to be because you were still with nia, so i didn't bother." she said softly, playing with the sleeve of her sweater. calum couldn't see since they were sitting in the dark in his living room, but blush was on her cheeks. "really? i, um, i had a crush on you too. i mean, i always kinda had. but it was really bad when, coincidentally, when you started dating andy." he chuckled nervously. she looked up at calum, smiling a little at the fact that he too developed feelings for her at some point. "why did you and nia break up anyways? you never told me what happened." she asked, this time she poked his knee, the boy almost freezing at her question. "uh, well, we just kinda fell out of love i guess. also everything with the band at the time, we were working on the album and i didn't have the time for her she deserved. so we just kinda broke it off." by the end of it, his voice was just above a whisper. he saw her frown a little before feeling her hand touch his. "im sorry about that." "dont worry about it. it's almost two years ago now." he chuckled, squeezing her hand. once again, silence fell between the two. he was looking at their hands while she studied his features. he definitely matured in the small amount of time they last really hung out, but she liked it, she thought this new look he had suited him. "i'm glad you came over, if you didn't id probably be sulking and writing the most depressing shit ever." calum chuckled, pulling his hand away finally and picking at the skin around his fingernails. "why?" she asked. because im fucking lonely, he wanted to say. "'m just not feeling 100% right now. but dont worry about me, i'll be fine." he gave her a gentle reassuring smile while she couldn't help but feel a little sad at his words. she looked at him like she wanted to say something, calum waiting for her to open her mouth, and when she did, it wasn't to talk. her lips crashed on his, calum tensing at first but then began to give in to it, holding her face. however, something flickered inside of him, telling him to stop, so he did, pulling completely. "y/n, we-i, i cant do this." he stumbled over his words, seeing the wide eye girl stare back at him. "i'm drunk im pretty sure and you literally just found out andy was cheating. as much as i want this, i don't want to be used and then left in the dust." calum's heart was beating out of his chest so hard he felt like he might pass out seeing her become almost a ghost in front of him. "you're right. i'm sorry, i just-i dont know-" "it's okay y/n, i get it. but, if you ever want something with me, ill only to do it when you've moved on." she just nodded, looking as if she was going to cry again. "i-i think im gonna go home." she announced, getting up from the couch. "thanks for talking with me." she choked out before heading to the door. he tried to catch her before she slipped out but she already closed the door and everything happened so quick. calum felt like he lost her again, right after he finally got her. feeling confused and lost, he did the only thing he knew: write. and he wrote till the sun came up, praying to god one day she'll come back while he waits.
