Law And Order: SVU One Shots

Loss: Part Two

Elliot closed himself off from the world. Finding out about the baby he and his wife lost broke his heart. All he could think about was how he'd never meet his little boy. He'd never hold Gabriel or feel him sleep against his chest, just like Tucker did when he was a newborn. He wouldn't never get to know his son and see him grow up. 

"Uh, I have a doctor's appointment. Do you want to join me?" Olivia asked nervously. She and Elliot didn't talk much, and the death of their child had put an enormous strain on their marriage.

"What is it for?" Elliot asked as he finished buttoning his shirt.

"It's my two-month checkup. Thomas has one too..." Olivia breathed. Elliot nodded slowly before shrugging.

"I don't know if I want to be there."

"El-"

"Do you realize how hard this is for me? I lost a baby too, you know."

"I'm not saying you didn't! But that doesn't mean you can just block me out! We are supposed to get through this together, but now it's like I'm starting over from square one!" Olivia snapped. She watched as her husband turned back around, and she knew he was done with this conversation.

"I'm bringing Tucker with me, too. So you are free to do whatever the fuck you do when I'm taking care of the kids and the house." Olivia huffed.

"Thanks for treating my pain like it is nothing!" Elliot yelled, but his wife was already down the hall and getting the boys around.

///

Olivia got home after her appointment and grocery shopping. She carried the boys in one at a time before putting them down for their naps. She then unloaded the van when her husband came out and held his hand out to her.

"What?" She sighed.

"I need the keys to the van."

"Excuse me? You have your truck. Take that out." Olivia frowned.

"I'm moving things, and the van has more space when I put the seats down. So give me the keys."

"Moving things? What the hell are you planning?" Olivia breathed as she grabbed a few bags.

"I should have stayed undercover. Then I never would have found out about Gabriel. Then I wouldn't feel like I'm feeling right now and have for over a week... so I'm going to find a new place to live. Away from you and the kids." Elliot mumbled.

Olivia just shook her head as she carried the bags into the house.

"I told you to give me the keys!" Elliot yelled as he stomped into the house behind his wife.

"You aren't taking the van, Elliot! You aren't moving out either! You were gone for a year, and now you can't seem to handle family life again. Or you can't look at me because you think I caused Gabriel to pass!"

"You killed him! What else could have caused this? Because I'm certain it wasn't the hospital's fault or Gabriel's at all. He is innocent in this all, and you are the monster."

"I didn't know that he was going to die! I felt him moving, and I was up all night with him and Thomas when they'd get hiccups at the same time! I loved our little boy, and I thought he was just out of space. That Tommy and him had gotten to the point where they were too big to move around a lot. But instead... Gabriel was dead, and I didn't even know." Olivia huffed.

"You knew because you caused it! Because you were his mother and did something to intentionally kill him! I hate you, Olivia!"

"Why would I kill our child?!" Olivia cried as she slammed her hands against the counter.

"Because you are a shitty mother! That is why!"

"You know what... take your shit and leave. I know everyone experiences loss and grieves in different ways... but this is just you being an ass. You are being plain mean, and I don't want you around if you are going to continue to act like this."

///

Olivia knew that Elliot wouldn't be back. He was gone and would never come back to their family. Elliot hadn't filled for a divorce yet, but he would soon, and Olivia knew that.

"Thanks for coming with me." Olivia spoke softly, as she carried Thomas in her arms while Bernie carried Tucker.

"I wouldn't make you do this alone, honey." Bernie replied. She gently touched Olivia's back as they walked along a path.

"It's not super important... I just need to make sure that it looks good and decide on what I want to plant here." Olivia sighed.

They walked in silence for a few more moments before coming upon the Stabler plots. Next to Joseph's headstone was Gabriel's.

"Teddy bear!" Tucker exclaimed once he was sat on his feet. He walked over to his baby brother's headstone before pointing at the teddy bear that was etched into the stone.

"Yeah, it's a teddy bear." Olivia smiled softly as she knelt down behind her son as she looked at the stone. 

"Is this exactly what you wanted?" Bernie questioned as she brushed some dirt from Joseph's headstone.

"Yeah, it is... I just can't believe I had to design a stone for my stillborn son." Olivia whispered. Tears slipped down her cheeks, and she passed Thomas to her mother-in-law and then pulled Tucker onto her lap.

"Have you talked to Elliot?" Bernie questioned, and Olivia shook her head.

"No, I haven't. Fin told him about this all happening, but he didn't call or anything to see if he could join us."

"I think he's here, though." Bernie admitted. Olivia looked at Bernie before following where she was pointing. Olivia saw Elliot's truck.

"Would you mind taking the boys back to the truck? Maybe send him over here?"

"Are you sure?" 

"Yeah, I'm sure."

///

Elliot came over and sat beside Olivia. They didn't touch, but they still felt the comfort that being near each other still brought.

"I should probably bring some dirt and flowers up here." Elliot spoke gruffly as he brushed a tear from his cheek.

"I can do that." 

"He is my son." Elliot sighed.

"He is our son... We both lost him, so I guess we can work on this together..." Olivia whispered.

They lost Gabriel, then each other. After everything that happened, just agreeing to maintain their son's grave together gave them a bit of closure. Or at least a little more relief than they had before.