Law And Order: SVU One Shots

Friendship: Part Two

This is for you cami5481! I hope you all enjoy though XD!

Amanda had made the hard choice to keep her baby, even if what happened to her made her scream in the middle of the night as nightmares overtook her. But when she told Olivia, her best friend was stubborn and made the choice to have Amanda move into her apartment with her. Olivia just wanted to make sure everything went well with Amanda and her pregnancy, even if Amanda continued to insist she was okay.

Olivia also benefited from their new living situation, because Noah loves Amanda, so if Olivia had to make dinner or if she wanted to take a shower without having to constantly be listening for Noah, Amanda could take over.

"Liv." Amanda whispered, as she stood in Noah's doorway. Until they could find a bigger place, Olivia had given up her bed and either slept on the couch or on an air mattress in Noah's room.

"Yeah?" Olivia groaned, as she stayed in the same position she had woken up in.

"I know you are sleeping, but I just had another nightmare. I've turned down your offer before, but can we talk?" Amanda asked, and Olivia sat up quickly, and looked at her friend.

"Yeah, of course."

Olivia climbed off the mattress before following Amanda into the living room. Amanda sat on the couch, while Olivia leaned over the couch and turned on the lamp, and the room filled with soft yellow light.

"I didn't hear you scream." Olivia spoke, as she sat next to Amanda.

"I didn't this time. I just woke up sobbing. And as the baby grows, and everyone can tell I'm pregnant, the nightmares get worse." Amanda whimpered, as she wiped a tear from her cheek with a shaky hand.

Olivia reached over and grabbed her friend's hand, and squeezed it gently.

"It really must've shaken you, since you are crying. Wanna tell me what it was?" She asked quietly, and Amanda bit her lip.

She didn't want to sound weak around the strongest person she knows, because everything she's went through doesn't seem as bad as what Olivia's went through.

"I know what you are thinking, and you cannot compare us. What I've been through is different from what you have, we are not the same, however we are both strong. So strong." Olivia smiled softly, and Amanda started to sob.

Olivia wrapped her arms around Amanda and held her close. Olivia ran her hands over Amanda's back and shushed her softly, but didn't know what really else to do. She just needed to make sure she can calm down and start talking.

It took awhile, but eventually Amanda turned to her friend, and spoke as her voice shook.

"I killed my baby. I accidentally smothered him. I killed my son, and now I'm scared that it will really happen. That I'll kill my son."

///

Olivia didn't really think that six months later, that Amanda would give birth to a baby boy, and leave him in his crib when she ran. 

"I'm coming Tommy!" Olivia exclaimed as she quickly walked towards Amanda's room. She didn't know if Amanda had slept through her son's cries, or if she couldn't even get him to calm down.

"Tommy, where is your Mommy?" Olivia sighed as she lifted Tommy up and held the small boy in her arms as she quickly went to make him a bottle. Tommy needed to quiet down before another small boy with yet another ear infection woke up.

Olivia started to feed Tommy as soon as his bottle was ready, and then she cradled him in the crook of her arm and walked towards the bedroom again.

"Amanda, Tommy's awake." Olivia yawned, as she turned on the light, but that is when she realized that Amanda's bed was made but empty.

"Shit." Olivia swore, but she couldn't do anything at the moment. She needed to get Tommy back down before she started to look for whatever signs Amanda left behind.

///

There was no note. Her clothes were gone, and so was one of Tommy's hats. The young blonde detective had left her son behind, and it wasn't until Olivia was packing Tommy's diaper bag so she could take him to work with her, that she found a note.

Dear Olivia,

I love you for everything you've did for me, but I couldn't stay any longer. I needed to go. I love Tommy more than words can describe, but everyday I see him looking more like his father. More like the monster that raped me. I know that Tommy is innocent, but I can't help but feel hatred towards him sometimes. Please take care of him. Raise him as your own. I know you were talking about adopting another baby so Noah could have a brother or sister, and now is your chance. Change his last name, and love him like your own. Please. Do it for me.

I'm safe and I'm not scared. I'm getting away from my demons, and looking into something new. I'll contact you in awhile, but right now I will not be able to be his mother, and please don't blame me for that. Please, Olivia. Even though I'm not here, your approval means the world to me.

With lots of love to all of you,

Amanda

///

Olivia walked into the precinct with both boys. She had to wait till Lucy was out of class, before she could get time to search for Amanda. There had to be something.

"Uh, where is your built in babysitter?" Fin asked, as Olivia walked towards her office.

"Fin, follow."

Once they were both inside, Olivia sat Noah and Tommy on the floor, and handed Noah a toy before looking at Fin.

"So, where's Amanda?"

"She left last night. She left Tommy to me, because it just all became too much."

"What? I thought she was doing really good as a mom." Fin sighed, as he sat on the edge of Olivia's desk.

"I did too. She was so dedicated to that baby, but now she doesn't think she can anymore."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to do what she asked me to do. As her friend, I'll do anything for her."

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