Law And Order: SVU One Shots

Lost in the Crowd

I stood surrounded by my friends. They were all talking and discussing the case at hand, but I couldn't speak. From the fact that I was scarred mentally and physically, to knowing that they didn't know what I was going through, I felt lost.

Do they know that I'm drowning in my own thoughts?

Do they know that the anxiety is overwhelming?

Do they know about the depression?

"Liv?" Nick questioned, and I looked up at him, and blinked a few times before my mind allowed me to speak.

"Yeah?" I whispered.

"Wanna go home now? I can drive you." He spoke calmly, and that's when I realized that the rest of the crew had left, and now it was just me and my partner.

"Uh, I think I'm going to actually go see a friend." I replied, and he frowned as he ran his hand over the back of his neck.

"Please don't go see Brian. He's bad news, and ever since that bastard hurt you, he's been more of a toxic person than you need."

"It's not Brian, Nick. I'd rather kill myself than be with him again. He made me feel horrible." I spoke, as I thought of my ex, and how he's slept with so many woman, but always insisted that his undercover work made him do it. We all know he wanted to sleep with those woman, because I refused to let him see me without my clothes on.

"Please don't say that." He mumbled, and I looked at him, confused.

"Don't say what?"

"That you'd rather kill yourself." He frowned, before reaching forward and grabbing my hand. He squeezed it gently, before turning and walking out.

I sighed and ran my hands through my short hair, and frowned.

This person might be as harmful for me, as Brian was.

///

"Mr. Stabler, there is a woman here to see you." Elliot's assistant spoke, as I stood in the front area.

"Who is it?" Elliot's gruff voice replied, and the woman sighed.

"She won't tell me her name. She just said she's from your past."

"Okay, uh, send her in. Also take messages for any calls that I get." Elliot ordered, and the young woman walked out and gave me a small smile.

"He's ready to see you." She replied, and I nodded.

I ran my hands over my pants, before stepping into Elliot's office, and shutting the door behind me.

Elliot sat looking at his computer, and didn't even look at me. 

He was looking good, and is just as handsome as the day he left.

"So, are you claiming to be the mother of one of my kids? Cause if you are, I want a DNA test, and I want to see the child before." Elliot sighed, and then he looked up at me. I stayed silent, because I couldn't believe him.

"We never had sex." I replied, and once I spoke, he knew who I was.

"No, but we've shared several years of friendship." He spoke, as he leaned back in his chair, and gave me a small smile. It was edging on the same one he always gave the perps we were questioning. Now I guess I was on. He was trying to get my reason for coming to see him out of me.

"You've been back for how long?" I questioned, as I sat down in a chair in front of his desk.

"For about 3 years."

"So I'm guessing you heard..." I trailed off, and he shook his head.

"Whatever you think I heard, I didn't. I've been too busy being a private investigator, that I barely watch the news."

"Well, I was kidnapped and beaten. Guess that doesn't matter." I spoke, as I stood and ran my hands over my pants again.

I was angry to say the least, and I was also feeling a panic attack growing. I was nervous, and that numb feeling that I get, even if I'm surrounded by my only family, started to take over my body. I looked ahead, as I completely zoned out once more.

"Liv?" Elliot questioned, and I shot my eyes to his face.

"When you left, it destroyed me. You are my best friend, and no matter who walks through those doors labeled "SVU", no one can replace you. I love you. I do, but I can't breath anymore. I can't think anymore. I can't sleep anymore. If you had been there, and protected me, I wouldn't be lost in a crowd of people who I love and care about."

"I'm sorry about that." He spoke, but he didn't look like he was being true. It made me even more angry.

"You aren't sorry! You aren't sorry that I wake up everyday hoping and praying that you'll come back to me! That you'll help me with this pain like you have before. After I was sexually assaulted. After I found out about Simon and my Dad. After my mother died! Why can't you be here for me now? Or am I too useless? Too stupid?" I yelled, and Elliot sighed.

"You aren't useless. You aren't stupid. You are my best friend still, no matter what. I may be halfway across the world, but you're still my person." Elliot breathed, as he stood and walked towards me.

"I'm lost, Elliot. Help me." I whimpered, and Elliot stepped towards me.

"Liv, feel this." Elliot spoke, as he grabbed my hand and placed it against his chest.

I felt his heart pounding in his chest. I felt my heart evening out, and starting to beat in unison with his.

"You aren't lost anymore. I'm here." Elliot breathed, but I shook my head.

"I can't trust you, El! You left me!" I sobbed, and he pulled me into his arms and held me like he did after I tried to save Sonya, but couldn't.

"I know that I don't deserve your trust, but you have to, Liv. I'm here, and I'll take care of you as long as I can. I'll be your caretaker when I need to."

"I just need you to keep me sane. To help me with my anxiety and depression. I don't want to feel lost anymore." I choked out.

"I'll do anything." Elliot replied, as he held he close.

We just sat in silence, and for the first time since Lewis, I didn't feel lost.

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