Law And Order: SVU One Shots

Life After Loss

When she would hear the words widow or widower, she imagined someone with graying or white hair that already shared most of their life with the one they lost. Their children were grown up, and they possibly also had grandchildren. They were able to love their spouse for many, many years. But in her case, she only got to love her husband for 3 years before she lost him. Before a man pulled the trigger and stopped her husband's heart.

"Hey," Elliot spoke, as he moved down the aisle and to where Olivia sat. On her lap was a sleeping child, who looked so much like his father.

"Hey, El... didn't you leave?" Olivia asked quietly, as she looked up at her best friend.

"I was going too, but then you didn't get in the town car to head to the cemetery," Elliot replied. Olivia frowned before nodding slowly.

"I couldn't move. They haven't moved the casket yet, and I didn't want him to be alone. And Henry is sleeping... I didn't want to wake him up." Olivia breathed. She shifted her son around, before passing him to Elliot. Elliot took the one-year-old into his arms before watching as Olivia stood slowly. She raked her fingers through her hair before sighing softly.

"Liv, they will move him soon. We need to get going." Elliot breathed. Olivia ignored him as she moved to the closed casket. She ran her hand over the cherry-stained wood before moving her hand to her lips and kissing it before pressing it back against the wood.

"I love you, Brian... I always will. I just wish I had longer with you." Olivia whispered. She turned around slowly as tears slipped down her pale cheeks. Elliot offered her his arm, and she looped her arm through his before they walked down the aisle slowly.

"You'll be okay, Olivia. Eventually, this will all get easier." Elliot breathed.

"God do I hope so..."

///

In the weeks after Brian Cassidy had been fatally shot, Olivia had a hard time focusing and functioning. Olivia had help from Brian's family and her own, so she had time to sleep and try to get her emotions into check while Henry was being very well taken care of. Her heart was broken, but she knew that she would get past this like she has gotten past everything else before.

"Alright, dinner is here!" Elliot smiled, as he carried a bag into the house with Henry on his hip.

"Elliot, you didn't have to go get dinner." Olivia frowned, as she came out of her husband's office and looked at her friend.

"You haven't been eating well, Olivia. You are a stick. Now, come and enjoy some Chinese food. I heard you say that you were craving it last week." Elliot spoke. Olivia nodded slowly as she moved over and took Henry from him.

"Elliot, I'm not hungry. I don't even know if I was even hungry when I talked about Chinese food last week. I'm sorry that you went out of your way to do this for me, but please just eat it yourself." Olivia breathed. She carried her son over to his toy box, before sitting him down in front of it. He was quick to start pulling toys out, as his mother turned around slowly to prevent herself from getting dizzy.

"Do you think that maybe you should seek help? From maybe a therapist or-"

"Elliot, I'm scared," Olivia whispered.

"Why are you scared, Olivia?" Elliot asked worriedly, as he sat the bag down onto the bare coffee table.

"Because I lost my husband, Elliot. Because Henry will never know his father. Because I think I might be pregnant but I don't know and I don't want to get excited to just end up getting my period. Elliot, I don't know how to live my life without Brian beside me. It makes me sick to think that the morning he got killed, I slept in too long and didn't get a chance to say that I loved him. I didn't get to kiss him one last time. All I want is my husband, and to have my family back to normal. Or as close to normal as possible." Olivia whispered.

Elliot frowned deeply before moving to Olivia. He wrapped his arms around her body before cradling her head as he rubbed her lower back.

"You didn't get your chance to love him as long as you wanted too. But you will always love him. That won't change. And no matter what comes your way, we will walk through it together. I'll always be by your side." Elliot breathed. Olivia clung to him tightly as hot tears slipped down her cheeks.

"I'm so angry... at Brian. At the man that killed my husband. I'm angry at myself for not getting the chance to say goodbye. And I'm angry at you."

"Why me?" Elliot asked.

"Because you are holding me and my husband isn't."

///

Olivia didn't know how, but she managed to make it one year without the love of her life. She managed to survive her second pregnancy and the early stages of Henry's terrible twos. If it wasn't for Elliot, she probably wouldn't have made it. He was her rock through everything, and she couldn't have been more thankful for him.

"Lay the flowers down, Henry," Olivia spoke gently, as she knelt down in front of her husband's headstone. 

"Mama, who this?" Henry questioned, as he sat the flowers down where his mother pointed. Olivia smiled softly, as she wrapped her free arm around her son and drew him close.

"This is your Daddy's grave. He was an amazing man. He was trying to protect a bunch of people when a bad man tried to hurt them. He lost his life, but he died a hero. He loved you so much." Olivia spoke before she leaned down and kissed her son's dark brown hair. 

"What about Carter? Did Daddy love him?" Henry asked, and Olivia nodded.

"Daddy didn't know about Carter... but he loves him just like he loves you and me," Olivia spoke.

She sat and told her very curious son about his father. She told him about how absolutely amazing he was, and how he used to be a cop and they worked together. By the time that it started to sprinkle, Henry was smiling and talking about his father as if he really knew him. Olivia let him walk ahead of her, and she took her time to look at the headstone for a few more moments.

"We love you, Brian. But I wish you were here with us..."

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