Law And Order: SVU One Shots

Those She Has Loved

Olivia sat in the back of the church as she listened quietly to what everyone was saying about Captain Ed Tucker. Patty was upfront crying like a baby as she thought about the husband she had lost shortly after she had married him. Olivia could tell when she had been talking with Ed before he passed, that he had changed. Cancer had taken over his mind and he was no longer the man that he had been when she was with him. She still loved him in a way she shouldn't, but it was so hard to ignore that love when he's no longer with them.

The funeral was long and was an officer's funeral. Everyone was dressed in their uniforms, but Olivia was wishing she wasn't in hers because then she could hopefully blend in. Instead, everyone could tell she was a Captain.

"Captain?" Amanda asked quietly. Olivia had asked to sit alone, but she was now sitting alone while everyone else was outside.

"Yes?" Olivia breathed.

"We need to get outside," Amanda spoke, and Olivia nodded slowly. She stood and tugged on the bottom of her jacket before putting her hat on. She walked out with Amanda as tears still ran down her cheeks. Today was even harder than when Mike Dodds had passed. This was a man she might have spent her life with if she had just opened her heart up more to let him in.

They went outside and those that Ed had chosen before he passed, were carrying his casket. Olivia stood with her crew as they saluted their fallen officer. It wasn't a shoot out that took their former Captain, but it still broke their hearts.

///

Olivia didn't go to the bar after to remember special memories of Ed. She went to the bar closest to her precinct. She sat there with a glass of wine in her hand and two empty shot glasses to the side. Olivia was in tears as she downed the rest of her wine before moving to get it refilled. A hand was placed over hers and she looked over and saw Rafael Barba sitting beside her. Olivia started to sob, and she quickly turned into him and hugged him tightly. He kept his arms wrapped around her body as he just shushed her quietly.

"Everything is okay, Olivia," Rafael spoke gently as he rubbed her back.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, as she sat back and tried to rub the tears from her cheeks but there were too many of them.

"Fin called me. He told me that you were taking Tucker's death pretty hard."

"Rafa... I loved him." She whimpered.

"I know you did... that you still do," Rafael spoke with so much love in his voice that it was crazy. Olivia couldn't believe that he was back and that he came back for her. No one ever does that. Everyone just leaves and leaves for good.

"I also love you, but I'm so thankful that you are here and alive," Olivia whispered. She leaned close and kissed his cheek softly, before leaning back and reaching for a napkin. She took it and wiped at her tears, before forcing a smile.

"Don't fake a smile for me. I like the real ones." Rafael spoke. 

"Those are all fake. I rarely smile for real." Olivia breathed.

"I wish you did." He replied gently before tucking some hair behind her hair. Her hair was still back in a bun, but pieces were falling from it from the intensity of her crying.

"How have you been?" Olivia asked quietly, as she looked down at her wine glass and wished it was full instead of empty. She wanted to get drunk and forget about everything for a bit.

"I'm assuming better than you." He teased gently. Olivia laughed weakly before nodding.

"I agree with you on that... are you working?" Olivia questioned.

"I am. But as a defense lawyer now. Only pro-bono cases. And I heard you are now the Captain of SVU?" 

"I am... it's not all that I thought it would be. It's hard." Olivia breathed. She glanced up at him for a moment before moving in for another hug. He held her close for several moments before sighing.

"Why don't we get out of here. I'll take you home and we can talk some more."

"I'd like that," Olivia whispered.

///

Olivia quickly tried to pick up Noah's toys as Rafael walked around her apartment and looked at how it had changed. She had painted the walls and the walls were covered in pictures that Olivia had taken of Noah, or of them together. He loved to see the smile on her face in the pictures, but he hated to see her so upset. In such horrible pain.

"Rafael, do you think that I was dumb to break up with Ed?" Olivia asked, as she finally cleared the couch off. She was sitting now and tucking Noah's homework into his folder.

"I think that you did what you usually do. You shut yourself off from someone who could have made you happy, to protect yourself and Noah. It's what you do."

"I love him." Olivia breathed, as she stood and put the folder into Noah's backpack before glancing at her son's closed door. Noah also loved Ed, but he doesn't remember him now, nor the love he had for him. Olivia wishes she was in that same boat.

"Do you ever wonder what might have happened?" Rafael asked, as he grabbed a small car from the table and ran his fingers over it.

"If I stayed with Ed?" Olivia asked, and Rafael shook his head.

"No. If we would have ended up together." He replied. Olivia looked at him with wide eyes before a small smile grew on her lips.

"We would be happy." She breathed, and he nodded.

"I want to give you time to figure out what's going on, but once you are ready... hit me up. I've been waiting for you. So please, let me make you happy." Rafael spoke before leaning close and pressing a firm kiss to Olivia's cheek.

She turned and looked at him for a moment before kissing his lips deeply. 

She may have lost Ed and what they had, but thankfully she still had Rafael and they still loved each other. It was just a different love this time around.

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