Bad Habit - {Eddie Munson x y/n}

That's What Best Friends Are For

(a couple of shorter chapters coming up but Thursdays chapter will be long and worth the wait guys <3)
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Chrissy is sitting cross legged on the sofa in your bedroom, she is facing you as you lay flat on your stomach, propping your head up with your hands rested below your chin, looking back over to her. It's been over a week since you and Eddie had that moment together in the dressing room backstage at his gig that Tuesday night. It's been running riot on your brain ever since, it's all you can think about when your eyes are opened and all you dream about when your eyes are closed.

Neither you or Eddie have really mentioned it since, although you've noticed a lot more tension between the two of you at school or when he comes over to your house, which is most nights. You could say it's sexual tension, all you want to do is pounce on him if you're being completely honest but you're unsure how he feels, so you don't want to risk going too far and spoiling your relationship if he doesn't feel the same type of way. His reaction to your body on his that night in the dressing room tells you otherwise, but he's never said out loud how he feels about you so you don't want to take that situation for more than it was, maybe to him that was just a bit of fun.

"Y/N come on, the guys likes you, he worships you! You know this, you're just full of self doubt." Chrissy tells you, leaning forward and raising her eyebrows as you tries to get you to believe her.
"I just don't know Chrissy.. we've had these moments together that make me think maybe he feels the way that I do but then he doesn't try anything when we are alone in this bed together nearly every night.. Like he cuddles me, kisses my head and is so sweet but he never tries anything more than that. It makes me think that he does just see me as a friend and the night in the dressing room was just like, adrenaline post show and punch up or something." You reply, rubbing your face with your hands.
"Maybe he's just as scared as you!" Chrissy states, "maybe he's having this same conversation with Gareth right now, thinking that you don't like him the way he likes you because you don't try anything with him neither when you're alone together, am I right?" She asks.
"Well no, I don't try anything either but it's only because I fear being rejected by him! That would be so awkward and I don't know how I would every get over something like that.." You tell Chrissy.
"Well you will never know if you don't try, you've just got to go for it Y/N." Chrissy tells you.

You sigh loudly, rolling over onto your back now and staring blankly at the ceiling as your brain goes into overdrive. What if you try something on with him and he rejects you, how would the friendship recover from something like that. That very first night that he kissed you on your bedroom floor, he ended up disappearing from your life completely after that and you definitely don't want a situation like that again. Or worse, what if you do take things further with him and he begins to regret it, that would cause major problems in the friendship and it would never be the same again. You can't help yourself from overthinking.

Eddie is your best friend, he has been for your entire life. You know what it's like to live without him and you never want to experience it again. So was it worth it, was breaking through the friend zone with him completely, worth the risk of loosing him entirely? You cannot comprehend what is the right thing to do here, you know what you want but you don't know if he wants it too.

"I just wish I could see into the future." You sigh loudly.
"Well, you ain't got super powers so unfortunately it's not possible." Chrissy tells you as she now joins you, laid flat on her back beside you on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"I don't want to lose him Chrissy." You whisper, a tear threatens to spill from your eyes. Chrissy grabs your hand and squeezes it gently, she turns to look at you as you quickly wipe the tear away before it escapes.
"Y/N, Eddie loves you, be it as a friend or more, he loves you. Anyone with eyes can see how he feels about you. He would be lost without you, everyone knows it. The boys experienced it first hand when you and him stopped being friends. Gareth says Eddie was a shell of a person, he was a walking zombie just trying to make it through the day. Until you came back to him and it flipped his world around, he's a better person when you're in his life Y/N."

Chrissy's words cause your heart to miss a beat, you don't bother to stop the tear that rolls down your cheek and onto your bedspread now. To know that you have that affect on Eddie is both a good and bad thing. Because if you try to push him further than friendship and it causes him to recoil away from you again, he could turn back into that zombie of a man, and that's the last thing you want to happen.

On the other hand, if you have such a positive impact on his entire being, then maybe it is because he has genuine feelings for you too. Maybe he's just too scared to tell you first, after all you know his fears. He thinks he's not good enough, he thinks he would hold you back in life, you know it's not true but you can understand his train of thought. He's spent his life being put down by his peers, there's only so much a guy can take before he starts believing their words himself. If Chrissy is right and you do make Eddie a better man, then maybe it is you that needs to make the first move on him, to reassure him that your feelings for him are real and they are strong; that you want him.

"How would you feel... seeing Eddie with another girl?" Chrissy asks hesitantly, her voice merely a whisper into your room. The thought of Eddie with someone else twists your stomach, it feels like a dagger through the heart.
"I would feel... fucking sick. I would be gutted to see him with another girl." You admit, swallowing hard to rid yourself of this sudden ill feeling when you picture Eddie in your head, hand in hand with someone who is not you.
"I think that answers it Y/N. You love him, don't you?" Chrissy asks you, facing you with a kind, gentle smile on her face.
"I do. I know I do." You cry.

Chrissy pulls you into a hug, she doesn't let go until your tears have stopped flowing. You aren't entirely sure what the tears are for, it's nice to finally admit to someone how strong your feelings are for someone who's supposed to just be your best friend. But it's also fear, you've admitted out loud that you love Eddie now and you know that Chrissy won't allow you to hide this from him, she is going to push you into telling him whether you like it or not. You know she has your best interest at heart, you have a feeling she knows a little more about Eddie's feelings towards you than she is letting on. After all, she is dating Eddie's friend Gareth, maybe she has some insider knowledge that she is holding back.

It's like a flip has switched in your brain after a long conversation with Chrissy about the pros and cons of making a move on Eddie and telling him your feelings. You have to be the one to make the first move, he needs the reassurance because he is the one who has always felt he wasn't good enough for you even though you know it not to be true. If he rejects you, fine, you will live, it's not the end of the world. If he regrets it, that is a little harder to manage, but you will get there in time. You will do anything to keep Eddie in your life, as a best friend or as more. You will not let your actions spoil things. In the back of your mind, you know he isn't going to reject or regret you, but you're stupid overthinking brain is running overtime right now and has you convinced and scared. You know what you have to do now, and you're going to do it tonight.

After a long conversation with Chrissy, it's time to put your plan into action. You're gonna call Eddie up and invite him over, it's Friday night, he doesn't have his gig yet as that begins next weekend so you hope he'll not already have plans. Friday means he can stay the night, so that gives you plenty of time to work up the courage to confess your feelings for him and hope he feels the same.
"Thank you Chrissy," you tell her, "I don't know what I would do without you." You say, hugging her one last time before she leaves your home.
"That's what best friends are for." She tells you with a smile, giving your hand a supportive squeeze before heading out of the front door towards her car.