Bad Habit - {Eddie Munson x y/n}

{Eddies POV}

Me are Gareth are sitting out on the bench in the woods behind the school, sharing a joint together. He can tell there is something playing on my mind, maybe that's why he asked me to come out here after school. I provide the weed, he provides the advice, it's a fair trade.

"Look man... You got to tell her." Gareth announces, passing the joint to me.
"Tell who what?" I ask confused, taking a hit and blowing the smoke into the cool air.
"Y/N, you gotta tell her how you feel dude." Gareth says, sitting across from me on the bench, his eyes becoming hazy from the bud.
"Man... I dunno.." I say, rubbing the back of my neck as I let my head drop slightly between my shoulders.
"What's stopping you Ed, the chick clearly likes you too man. Everyone knows it. You guys are not just friends, it's so fucking obvious you both like each other." Gareth tells you.

Gareth has become sick of me whining like a bitch about how much I like Y/N as more than a friend, he's the only guy I can talk to about all this stuff that's going on in my head and he usually gives pretty sound advice. He's been trying to convince me to speak to her and just tell her how I'm feeling but he knows I have my doubts and that my feeling of low self worth get in the way of what I really want sometimes. Gareth is now dating Chrissy and I have to admit I'm a little jealous that he's brave enough to make his move on the girl he likes and it paid off for him, why can't I seem to do the same.

Since that moment in the dressing room last Tuesday, I can't stop thinking about being with Y/N like that, being more than friends. But my stupid fucking head won't allow me to tell her how I feel. I'm so scared she doesn't feel the same way, I mean why would she. She's perfect, she's pretty, she's smart, she has good grades, she comes from an incredible family, she's going places... my list could go on and on of everything she is that I am not.

There's been moments between us that I think she maybe likes me back the way I like her, but then the devil on my shoulder gets into my head and I slip back into my feelings, reminding myself that I'm not good enough for a lady like Y/N. This is why I can't tell her how I feel, I can't make a move on her no matter how much I want to. I refuse to be the person to hold her back in life, I refuse to let people look down on her like they do on me just cause she's with me. She gets a hard time at school now for being friends with me I can't imagine what people would say to her if we were more than just friends. I want to protect her from that. I know she doesn't need protecting, I mean that night she was on top of the pyramid and she blew a kiss at me, everyone in the school saw it, she doesn't care about what they think. But still, I can't seem to allow my brain to believe that she likes me too.

The dressing room situation should've been confirmation enough to prove that she likes me as more than a friend. Things got hot and heavy very quickly between us in that room that night, the way she was kissing my neck and pushing her body onto mine, friends definitely don't do shit like that. But again, that pesky devil on my shoulder is telling me it was just a heat of the moment thing, she was just feeling some type of way after her first metal gig and maybe it was just the adrenaline from seeing me punch that guy in her honour. I dunno, maybe that was just her way of thanking me for it or something. I mean it's hard to believe she didn't enjoy that moment in the dressing room as much as me, her body told me she was definitely as eager as me, but what if she didn't mean it in the way that I did, maybe it was just a bit of fun that got a little out of hand for her. We were both just pumped up after the gig, maybe that's all it was.

"Ed man. Look at me and Chrissy!" Gareth laughs, "you think I'm good enough for a girl like her? No way! But she likes me anyway, I'm dating Chrissy fucking Cunningham!" He grins massively. "Never in my life did I think I'd be saying that out loud and for it to be true, but it is. Cause all these superficial things in your head don't mean shit. You like her, she likes you. Hell, I mean love... None of that other shit matters. She's told you before she doesn't care about any of that." Gareth says.

I know what he is saying is right, she has told me before that she doesn't care about any of that stuff and I know it upset her to know that was how I was feeling at the time. But still, this stuff matters to me, I can't see any reason for a girl like her to like me as more than a friend. I can't get out of my head, I just wish I could read her mind at times to reassure myself. Gareth keeps telling me that Y/N likes me but I would want to know for sure before I shoot my shot with her, I don't wanna be rejected and I don't want to make her feel awkward if she has to turn me down. That could affect our friendship and I will not let anything come between us, ever again.

"She doesn't like... love....me the way I love her Gareth..." I sigh loudly, taking a long hit and holding it in my lungs until it burns.
"Let me tell you something man.." Gareth begins, he is staring me right in the eye. "She will not turn you down, ok? I know this." He says, very matter of fact.
"How could you possibly know that dude!" I shout, shaking my head.
"I'm dating Chrissy. Hello?! I have insider fucking knowledge man!" Gareth shouts, this statement catches my attention. "Chrissy may or may not tell me things... And I may or may not tell her things too... but anyway, the most important thing is that I know a little more than you do. Believe me man, Y/N will not turn you down." Gareth tells me, reaching for the joint with a knowing grin on his face.

Wait... he knows something? Has Y/N told Chrissy she likes me, or what if she's told her she loves me? I think to myself. Cause if she has, this changes things. If she's talking about me to Chrissy then maybe she does actually have feelings for me....

It's like the little devil has fallen off my shoulder and got splattered underfoot. FUCK! Why am I being such a pussy man, I like the girl, I love the girl. I need to grow some damn balls and tell her, I need to show her. If she rejects me, fuck it, I know how to act like things don't bother me I've been doing it my whole life. I'll act like I was just joking and I'll continue being her friend and yeah it'll hurt like hell but I'll do it, as long as I can keep her in my life. Thinking about her ever being with a guy that isn't me turns my fucking stomach, it's like a knife being twisted in my heart but if that's the way it's gonna be, I will do my best to live through it. As long as I have her in my life, I will be ok.

But before I start overthinking any of that shit, I need to make my move. I've been wasting my time, laid in her bed cuddled up with her almost every night and I've been too scared to just make a move. I am an idiot and I hate my damn brain for holding me back sometimes. I ain't gonna let it hold me back anymore. If Gareth says he knows something, this gives me a little hope and silences the doubts in my head, this is my chance. I've got to plan something nice for us, I am gonna treat her like the princess she is and then I'm gonna make my move; tonight.

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(hope you're enjoying the story so far, please don't forget to favourite chapters if you like them <3 - longer chapter is coming tomorrow, I hope it's worth the wait ....)