Bad Habit - {Eddie Munson x y/n}

{Eddie POV}

You've really gone and fucking done it this time Munson, I curse myself as I fall face down onto the unmade bed. She's just left and the smell of her perfume still lingers on the sheets, it makes me wince and forms knots in my stomach. I had to let her walk out of here, hurting and distraught, it took everything in me to let her walk away from me like that, but what could I do, I'm the one who created the problem by hiding it and letting it fester, I'm the one who lied and lied and lied, until I couldn't keep up with it anymore.

I feel completely lost without her already which I know sounds stupid because we've been spending so much time apart recently, but this is different. She's gone and I've fucked things up so badly, I don't know how or if I can fix it, though I know I'll try my fucking hardest. I've taken Y/N for granted and betrayed her trust in the process. I could never imagine losing her, it doesn't even bare thinking about. I don't know if I could live through a loss like that, I wouldn't come through the other side of it the same, that's for sure. I hate myself for hurting her the way that I have.

I know I should've been upfront with her from the minute Alice started playing her stupid games, I know that now. But at the time, I was so caught up in worrying about how it could potentially affect me and the band, after all, it's not only my career but Jeff and Gareth's too and they wouldn't deserve the backlash that could potentially be caused by this because of me. But what I really should've been worried about was how much this would also affect my relationship, which is ultimately the most important thing in my life, above all else.

My mind goes straight back to this one particular time when Alice had made a comment about going back to the hotel sneakily, and had asked if I wanted to join her in her room, I obviously told her absolutely not and I warned her if the inappropriate comments didn't stop, that I would have no fear in going to Warren, but she'd practically laughed at me, 'and who's he going to believe?' She had said to me. Stupidly I believed her. Alice has worked for Warren for years, I honestly believed her threat, be it baseless or not, why would Warren have reason to believe it was all her and not me.

I didn't tell Y/N this, I'm not sure if it would've made a difference anyway. I didn't want her to be even more angry at Alice, although she deserves her wrath, I'm the one in the relationship and I'm the one who should face the consequences for letting it continue. I didn't want it to seem like I was pushing more of the blame onto Alice by telling Y/N that she'd threatened me, so I left that piece of information out of our argument this morning.

But ignoring the problem doesn't make it go away, I've learned that in the hardest way possible. Seeing the girl you truly love walk away from you is the most gut wrenching thing I've ever experienced in my life and I've had important figures walk away from me before, but nothing compares to this. Knowing she's always been there for me and supported me every step of the way while I've chased my dreams and still, I disrespected her in the way I did, it makes me so fucking mad at myself.

Alice is nothing to me, I can truthfully say that and honestly mean it. I would never have considered her blatant offers, never. But that still doesn't make it okay that I allowed it continue. She was goddamn persistent though, always lingering around me and I should've known better to nip it right in the bud before it came to this. At the time, I genuinely did think that ignoring it was the best course of action and it would all blow over soon, clearly I was so fucking wrong.

I think that I lied and tried to cover it up so much that I was almost forgetting it was even happening. I was lying to the band, lying to Y/N and lying to myself. No one is more disappointed in me than I am right now. Y/N is my one true love, I'll never in this lifetime, or the next, love anyone as much as I do her. It hasn't taken this for me to realise that, I've always known she is it for me, but it has taken this for me to realise what it would feel like to lose her and it is not a great feeling. I've never felt so down low in the dirt than I do right now.