💫She's Different💫

Bella Tells Her Friends

"Are you crying?"
"No, I'm not crying. I just need a break."
"I used to like really really hate him. I don't really know why to be honest. I told my therapist that also. And then I told my mom."
"Told her what?"
"That I was okay with her being with him. I thought that if I kept saying it in my head to myself that it'd come true."
"Did it?"
"For a little while, yeah. But then for a little while I just felt not okay. But I wanted my Mom to think that I was okay so I've been being polite and stuff."
"That must be really hard."
"Yeah, it is. You wouldn't understand though. You see, everyone here thinks that I'm a happy girl and that there's nothing wrong with my life and things like that. But I'm actually a really sad person." I got up and walked away.
"Bella, wait up!"
********
Friday Jan. 11th
I went inside the house and Mom was there smiling.
"Hey sweetie,"
"Don't-" I walked up the stairs and she called me. I walked back down and gave her eye contact.
"And no, I don't want to talk. Just leave me alone, okay?" I ran back up to my room and locked my door. I threw my bag to the floor and sunk back against the door. I cried onto my elbow and let out a huge scream.
"I HATE MY LIFE SOMETIMES!"
"Bella, let me in. Let me help you."
"No! I said leave me alone! Just leave me alone!"
"I'm going to sit here in the floor. I want you to keep talking to me okay?"
"Why can't you just go away? I don't want you here right now! I need to be alone. Please. Please go!"
"Alright, Alright." I took off my clothes in a rage and changed into some shorts and a tee. I laid down on my bed and cried and cried to the point where my eyes hurt and I felt really tired. I saw the door open and my Mommy came in with a plate of food. I was still crying, just not as hard as before.
"Are you feeling better?"
"No."
"Come and eat something. It might help."
"I really don't want to talk to you, and I don't want food." My stomach grumbled and she sat the plate down on my desk.
"Your stomach says different. How about you eat this plate of food? You don't have to talk to me. I'll just sit here and say absolutely nothing. As long as you eat this plate of food."
"I don't want to." I cried harder again and she sat down on the bed.
"I don't know why you're upset, but I want you to know that I'm here okay?" She rubbed my back and kept talking.
"Your eyes are swollen sweet pea. You have to stop."
"No,"
"Can you sit up for me?" I sat up and she gave me a hug.
"I really want to help you my love, but you're making it really difficult. Remember we talked about letting people help you and how it's okay to be weak sometimes?"
"Yeah."
"Why did you come home angry?"
"Because of what happened earlier this week. My friends were asking questions."
"They know about the hospital?"
"No, Tucker. You sent him to get me and I felt super duper uncomfortable and kind of embarrassed."
"There was no other choice, but I'm sorry that him picking you up but you in an uncomfortable situation. My intention wasn't to make you feel uncomfortable. What did they ask?"
"Is that your Uncle? Who is that man? And then at recess the next day they kept saying oh we'll keep it a secret. But talking about it made me really sad." I started to cry again and Mommy pouted.
"Oh my gosh this is really hurting you. I'm so sorry honey. I'm so sorry."
"I started talking about it and things like that. I told them things that I didn't even tell you!"
"Like what?"
"No."
"Bella, I need you to be honest with me so I can help you."
"No, I'm not telling you or anyone else. I only told my friends and that's it."
********
Kitchen (Olivia's Perspective)
I sipped my cup of coffee as I looked outside at my backyard. Last night was a struggle due to Bella being extremely emotional. I was hoping that today would be a better day.
"Morning Mom."
"Good morning Noah."
"Is Bella feeling better?" He asked as he made a bowl of cereal.
"I'm not sure sweet boy, that's something you should ask her." We continued to converse about school and other topics and then I heard small footsteps coming from the stairs.
"The princess has awoken I see." She came down, waved to Noah, and came and gave me a hug.
"Are you feeling better princess?"
"A tiny bit." She looked up at me and her eyes were still swollen.
"Were you crying again?" She knew she couldn't lie and nodded.
"My eyes hurt."
"Get some ice for it. I'll make you your favorite breakfast." She let out a small smile.
"With bacon and eggs?"
"Of course."
"Can I have some?"
"You're still hungry?"
"Mom, one bowl of cereal is like a snack." We all laughed and I sat next to Bella after making her plate.
"You like it?"
"Yes, I like it."
"If you're feeling up to it, we could maybe go to Central Park and have some lunch." She shrugged her shoulders and I gave her a little pat on the back.
"It'd give us a chance to-"
"I know Mommy." She got up and went upstairs.
"She's barely like that Mom. I guess maybe it has to do with recess."
"You saw?"
"She walked away and I tried to talk to her. But she yelled get off me. I asked her if someone hurt her and she asked me why did I care all of a sudden."
"Walked away from who?"
"Kylie and Kayla. They were telling her to wait but she didn't."
"Stop talking about me." Bella had her arms folded and her head sunken.
"Bella, we weren't talking about you in a bad way, we promise. Come here sweetheart."
"No, you're making me sad." She cried and went up the stairs.
"It'll get better Mom. I'll go talk to her."
"Noah, you don't have to."
"Yes, I have to. That's what siblings are for."
*******
Bella's Room (Noah's Perspective)
"Why are you in here, no boys allowed."
"Because, I thought you needed a brother." I sat on her bed and she moved away.
"I don't need a brother right now."
"Bella, we just want to know like why you are sad."
"No."
"Please Bella." She looked at me and then took a piece of paper and a pencil. She's going to write.
"Are you gonna like write me a letter?"
"Yeah." She wrote about a paragraph and then gave it to me.
The Letter
I really didn't want to tell Mommy but, I told her that I was okay with her dating Mr. Tucker so that I can believe it in my head. I felt like that for a little while and then I felt angry again and stuff. I'm also angry because I feel like people think I'm really happy but I'm like really really sad. Even Mommy doesn't know.
"I think you should tell her."
"No."
"I'm giving this to her."
"Don't! If you give it to her I'll-"
"You'll what?"
"Hmph. Just don't even give it to her." I went down the stairs and Bella chased me as I went to the living room.
"Noah don't!"
"Mom, look at what Bella wrote."
"DON'T DO IT!" My mom stopped reading and perked up.
"What do you not want me to see? Noah hand me the letter please. Bella, sit down here." I gave Mom the letter and Bella tried to get up but mom sat her down really quick.
"Noah can you give me a couple of minutes with her?"
"Sure."
********
Living Room (Bella's Perspective)
"Why didn't you tell me how you really felt? I appreciate you trying to make me happy, but I want you to be happy as well."
"Because,"
"Because what? Bella, we've had many conversations about this. We've talked about this plenty of times and I feel like you're still not understanding what I'm telling you." I sunk my head and Mommy lift it up.
"We really need to work on your confidence and speaking up for yourself when you feel unhappy. This isn't good."
"I-"
"What?"
"Nothing,"
"Bella, you need to listen to me and start doing the things we've been talking about. I don't want you to be like this. Do you understand?"