💫She's Different💫

Olivia Teaches Bella

"When I speak I want you to actually do the things I'm telling you to do. I'm trying to help you, not hurt you. Understand?"
"Yes Mommy." Chase came and jumped up on the couch and gave us kisses. I held him and gave him a cuddle.
"Chasey makes you feel better huh?"
"Yeah. He makes me feel better when I'm sad sometimes." She rubbed my back and gave me a kiss.
"You know why I decided to get you guys a dog?"
"Why?"
"Because, It's good for the heart. It helps people emotionally sometimes."
"How?"
"Sometimes when you're sad you need love. That's what dogs do." Chase licked me and I smiled.
"Give love!" Chase jumped on Mommy and she scratched his ear.
"Yup. But back to what I was saying, we need to  work on you speaking up when somethings' wrong."
"I guess."
"You guess?"
"I guess."
"Tell me how you really feel about Tucker. Cause somethings' clearly wrong and you didn't tell me the first time we talked about this." She folded her hands and I didn't answer.
"See this is the problem. You're not speaking."
"I just-"
"What Bella?"
"I just don't want to tell you. I don't want to talk to you about it." She tilted her head and looked me in the eye.
"Why?"
"Because he's your boyfriend."
"And you think-"
"That you'd just side with him."
"Bella."
"I don't want to talk to you about it."
*******
Therapy Tuesday
I thought that rhyming therapy with Tuesday would make it sound better. But it still sounds terrible.
"My Mommy wanted me to talk to her about her boyfriend. But I absolutely refuse to!" I put my head down and sighed.
"Why did she want you to talk to her about her boyfriend?"
"Hmph."
"Do you want to take a break? You seem like you're about to cry." A tear fell down my face.
"No, I don't want one." I wiped it away and sat up. I needed to do what Mommy said. Show her that I'm a big girl.
"She wanted me to talk to her about her boyfriend because I was keeping certain things a secret. My brother gave her a letter that I had wrote for him only. I lied to her about how I felt. I feel bad for doing it. But I just can't help it."
"Help what?"
"Help hiding things. I've always been hiding things always been-"
"Secretive?"
"Yeah, that's the word. I don't do it on purpose! I promise. My throat gets all closed up and my eyes go straight to floor and I just can't answer questions that hurt my feelings."
"Because you get scared and think, 'Will this person be mad?' Am I wrong?"
"No, you're not."
"Sometimes, even tough it's super hard, you have to just go for it. Because if you don't say anything, some people will think that you're ignoring them, or trying to be rude when you're not. And also, how will people know what's wrong and how to help if you're not helping them figure it out? You get what I'm trying to say?"
"Yeah. I'm gonna try to do better."
"And that's going to take a lot of work. Are you up for that work?"
"Yes."
"Are you willing to let your mom and I help you to be a more talkative person when it comes to your feelings?"
"Yes. I am."
"Let me go get your mother and I'll be right back."
"Okay." I played with my hands until my mother came in and sat down next to me.
"Hey my love."
"Hi."
"Bella, just made a promise to let us help her. I just wanted you to be here so you're well aware of this promise."
"That's great Bella. As long as you keep it."
"I will."
"And maybe a great first step in this promise would be telling me the truth about why you don't like Tucker."
"Agreed."
"And I think it's best you do it here sweet pea. We can deal with this one time."
"Oh fine."
"Bells, if you have an attitude about it you're going to make things worse."
"I told you some of it already. About how you'd leave me behind."
"Mhm, I know. So can you tell me the other part?" I went over to the window so I didn't have to face my mother while speaking.
"I don't want him as my Dad. I'm not sure I want another Dad or whatever."
"Dad? Bella, can you turn around?" My Mommy walked over to me and I looked her in the eye.
"Bella,"
"I want to know what it's like to have a Dad. Then I also don't. It just makes me think about how my actual Dad sucks. And I'm not even close with him or-"
"Bella, it's okay. Look at me."
"What? What?"
"Just because Tucker and I are in a relationship doesn't mean you have to think of him as your real Dad. You know why?"
"Why Mommy?"
"Sometimes, relationships don't always work out. And sometimes people stop being in a relationship. I don't want you to think of him as a Dad because I don't know if we'll ever get to that point where you'd call him one."
"But I thought that you'd try to make us be a family, a unit."
"Maybe not a family, but a unit. If I'm going to be with him, I want us all to get along. You don't have to think of him as anything serious. How about we start off as him being your friend?"
"Friend?"
"Mhm, Friend. That's all, I promise. I'd never force anything else on you that'd make you feel uncomfortable. You know that right?"
"Yes, but I got worried."
"And it's okay to get worried as well. But when you're worried about things like this, I think it's best to come to me about it. So I can clear the air. Do you know what that means?"
"Nuh-uh."
"It means to clear the confusion."
"So I can understand?"
"Yes. Now come here and give me a hug." I gave her a hug and she gave me a kiss.
"Thanks for speaking up."
"Welcome Mommy."
**********
School
"Hey Bella,"
"Yeah?"
"We're sorry." My friends said.
"For what?" I put my bag on the hook and sat down at the table.
"For making you sad. We didn't mean to."
"Oh no, it's okay. You were just trying to help. I'm not mad."
"When I saw you at gym you looked like you were crying. Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"
"I don't want to talk about it but I'm okay. Come on, let's go mess with the boys or something like that!" I grabbed my friends hands and we went over to Jaden, Logan, Mark, and Khadir. I didn't really want to focus on me, that wasn't fair to my friends for them to be so worried about me and not have their own fun.
"Hey, What was that for?" Logan said while laughing. I had sprinkled glitter over his head and he looked like one of those boy fairies.
"You look so cute like that. Yass Queen." Jaden said.
"You're always saying that dude, that was my thing!"