💫She's Different💫

Bella Feels The Tension

"Okay, Bella. I'm giving you a solo titled 'Breaks'." I smiled and said thank you as my dance mates clapped for me.
"The number is about a girl who ends up in a terrible car accident and ends up all alone."
"That sounds quiet scary." I said.
"It is, now the group number is called 'They Keep Watching'. You know how little kids love saying they see monsters under the bed?" I spaced out for a moment as she kept talking and then she started to teach the group number. It was quite easy and it wasn't that hard to be honest. I liked it because it was dark and we usually do kid dances. So, it was good to have a change.
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After-school (Tuesday)
"Come on, finish up your homework. You have dance."
"I know, I know. Just stop it!" I snapped. I scribbled on my math and Lucy looked shocked.
"Why are you so angry?"
"I'm not angry! Stop telling me what I am!" I started to cry and get really angry.
"What happened at school today?"
"Nothing." She got me a bottle of water and sat next to me.
"You're really angry right now, and I need you to breathe. Follow me. Breathe in, breathe out. Good job." She gave me a kiss and I drank the water.
"Tell me what's going on?"
"I'm just not happy." I slid on my shoes and we started to go outside.
"Wanna talk about it after dance?"
"Yeah." I walked up the steps to the street and sighed.
"You know, if it's really hurting you, you should tell me right now."
"No, I just have to suck it up."
"Who told you to do that?"
"Never mind. I shouldn't have said anything."  I was so hurt and tired, I had bruises on my knees from practicing my dance over and over and over! I looked up as we walked into the studio and I quietly went to go take off my clothes and hand my bags to Lucy.
"You do good today, okay? You're an amazing dancer, you always have been."
"Thanks." I went into studio B and Miss Marianne was waiting for me.
"Go ahead and stretch, we have loads of work to do young lady."
"Yes Miss Marie." I stretched and thought to myself as I did so. We started to go over my solo and I was quite tired already.
"Bella, why am I still giving you the same correction?!! Listen! You're too far stage left! And, you keep falling out of your turns! I'm giving you a solo, so you can prove that you're a strong dancer! I'm not so sure about that anymore!" Tears stained my face and I wiped them away.
"No,no,no. No crying. I don't want any crying children. You're 9 years old Bella, I shouldn't even be giving you these corrections! I knew I should've given Taylor this solo. You're not ready yet!" I'm only trying to make Miss Marianne happy, but she keeps yelling at me. I hate it.
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Home (Olivia's Perspective)
"Bella?" I looked into her room and she was sleeping quietly. I went downstairs to join Lucy and Noah.
"She's sleeping already?"
"Yep. Every single day this week, she's been going to bed quite early. She must be so tired from dance."
"I don't even think she ate dinner." Noah commented.
"I left her a plate-"
"Guess breakfast'll make up for it." Bella came downstairs sleepily and simply brushed past me.
"You're Mom's here, not gonna tell her hi?" Lucy asked. She didn't speak and made herself a bowl of cereal, ignoring the plate that was there for her. She then curled up into a ball, and I didn't see her move out of that position for a while.
"Bear?" I said affectionately.
"You 'ight Bellz?" Noah asked. She started eating again, this time quickly, attempting to run away from the situation. I saw the bruise on her knees and I started to worry. Is someone bullying her again? What's going on? Crunch. Crunch again. As Bella ate her cereal, the room was quiet, waiting for her next move. She went back upstairs without saying a word, and something told me to follow her, but I couldn't bring myself to do just that.
"That was awkward." My son said.
"That really was."
"On Tuesday she seemed pretty heated about something, and when I asked her she didn't want to get into it. But I've never seen her face so red before."
"Noah, can you go to your room for a bit?"
"Okay." When He was out of hearing distance, I started to talk.
"I don't think she's angry. I'm going to go to the dance studio myself."
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Studio B (Bella's Perspective)
We were running my number again and I just didn't feel good.
"Bell, you're rushing. Take a break." I felt hot and my heart was beating so quickly. I went to the dancers den and my Mom was there.
"Bella, what's going on?" I put my hands over my heart and I just couldn't speak. Words weren't coming out at all.
"I-I."
"I can't breathe." I said. She hugged me and told me to let it all out.
"I'm tired, I want to go to bed. She keeps yelling at me." I cried.
"Sweetheart, look at me for a minute." I looked into my Mother's eyes and she touched my face.
"Baby, I know you're hurting. You must be so stressed out over this dance."
"Can we please go home?" I begged.
"You know we can't go unless you're dismissed."
"Bella, Miss Marie wants you." Jana said. She came over and saw me crying.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm so tired." She gave me a hugs and slid on her jacket.
"I have to go. See you tomorrow."
"Yeah." I went back into Studio B and she was ready to yell at me again.
"Come on, let's go! I don't have all night to deal with this. Stop crying!" I wiped my tears and started to spin again. I just want to go to bed.
**********
In10sity Dance Competition (Olivia's Perspective)
I was especially nervous since Bella was going next. She's been so stressed out this week over her solo and I hoped she did well. So she could at least rest easy tonight.
"Contestant 81 with 'Breaks'." I saw my daughter enter the stage and I clapped. She looked just beautiful up there. I watched her dance closely, the way it all flowed together and it was just so poised and mature. Then, Bella froze.
"Keep going!" I mouthed. She managed to play it off as a part of the dance and put on a vivid expression. Improving the rest of her dance. The audience roared and I knew for a fact that her dance teacher would be livid. She looked scared as she walked stage left and I went behind the stage to comfort my daughter.
"Bella, you literally did so good! Even when you froze it looked like it was the dance." Kylie said.
"Poor Bells."
"Don't cry Bella, you're gonna make me cry." Bella has such and amazing support system and she doesn't even see it. My poor bear.
"Bella,"
"I'm sorry Mommy, I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry! You did very well. I'm so proud of you for continuing your dance after you froze, that must've been so terrifying."
"You're proud of me?"
"Of course I am. I am and I will always be proud of you. You're such an amazing dancer, put under so much pressure."
"Marie is going to kill me. She should've just given Taylor the solo."
"Woah there! Do not insult yourself like that! You deserved to have a solo to prove that you can do good. And you know what?"
"What?"
"You did great in my eyes. Whether you place or not doesn't bother me, it's the fact that you faced your fears out there that made me proud. Don't ever underestimate yourself Bella! You have so much potential! Don't ever forget that!" I gave her a kiss on the forehead and a hug.
"You're the best!"
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Home (Bella's Perspective)
I looked at my second place award and smiled happily. Even though I got yelled at, I still managed to get second place. That's a good thing.
"Hey Bella!"
"Hi Uncle Carisi."
"Nice award you get there."
"Thanks." He looked at it and smiled.
"I'm really proud of you." He gave me a tickle and I sighed.
"What's wrong?"
"I didn't deserve it."
"What do you mean, you danced beautifully."
"Barely." I barely even had confidence anymore. I felt terrible. I felt like the worst dancer in the world for freezing up on stage.
"You did beautiful, I don't know what you're talking about."
"I did bad." My Uncle watched as I started to cry.
"Honey, don't tell yourself that you're a bad dancer. Look-" He pulled out his phone and showed me the video he took. I watched myself dance and I smiled a bit.
"Notice something?" I shook my head and he gave me a kiss.
"We didn't even know you messed up. It was okay."
"Thank you Uncle." I gave him a hug and played with his hair.
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Therapy
"Sounds like your self-confidence took a hit that day."
"Pretty much." I was laying down and staring up at the ceiling. These days I don't really play with toys or anything at my sessions. I just say what's going on.
"I've never even been that confident anyways Mrs.Caron. We all know that by now."
"Bella, you see what I've been saying...This negative speech! You're feeding into what your brain is telling you. You're a very strong girl, and I know you can do it. You need to stop telling yourself you're not good enough!"