💫She's Different💫

Bella Hates To Ruin Pt.2

"Just go away!"
"I'm not going anywhere."
"GET OUT!" I yelled. She didn't have to see me like this. She didn't deserve to have to deal with me.
"Is that what you want?"
"Yes, you don't have to deal with me. I can deal with myself!"
"No you can't Bella. You're hurting right now. I'm going to stay here until you calm down, and you're stable. Understand?" I put down the pillow and I sat down on the bathroom floor.
"Open up."
"Ms. Hinds you don't have to do this."
"Yes, I do. Because I care about you. You don't have to tell me what's up, I just want to leave here knowing you're okay." I unlocked the door and she gave me a hug.
"I'm sorry,"
"You have nothing to be sorry for."
**********
Saturday, November 9th
I didn't feel like talking to anyone. Ms.Hinds said she'd FaceTime me today and check up on me, but I wasn't going to answer. I just need room to think, and breathe. Mommy still wasn't home, so I was resting.
"Hey Bell."
"Yeah.." Noah sat on my bed and looked at me.
"Bella, why do you always cry randomly and scream at night, and run away?"
"Why?"
"Yes, you've been doing that since I met you. What is different about you?"
"I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone."
"What do you mean? You tell Mom about it every time, you've never told me."
"That's different Noah, it's not just something you tell people. I didn't even tell my mentor."
"That's different too. She's your mentor...not your brother."
"I know Noah."
"So why won't you tell me?"
"Because, I really can't. It's not like I don't wanna tell you."
"Why?"
"I just told you. It's really private." I held his hand and started to cry.
"Oh..I'm sorry Bella."
"How about, when we're older, like high school, I'll tell you?"
"Pinky promise?"
"I promise."
"Mom's coming back soon. If you don't wanna talk to her about it, gotta stop crying. Your eyes are so red." I chuckled and he wiped my face.
"I'll be okay."
"Come downstairs and get some pancakes."
"Alright. Give me five minutes." I went to go brush my teeth and wash my face the way my mom showed me. She doesn't let me use all those fancy products she uses. Just this sunscreen moisturizer from target..
"Okay, let me go eat." Lucy said good morning and I gave her a hug.
"Feel better?"
"Yep." I dug into my pancakes quietly as the time ticked. When is Mom coming home? Is she gonna be mad at me? Is she gonna be disappointed in me?
"Hey guys." She came in and set her stuff down quietly.
"Hey Mom." Noah went and gave her a hug, attempting to spare me for whatever was coming next.
"Hey sweet boy." She came over to me and gave me a hug from behind, and a kiss on the cheek.
"When you're finished eating, meet me in my room for a sec." She whispered in my ear. I was scared, I didn't know if this was for a good thing or a bad thing.
"You're not in trouble Bella." She said before going upstairs.
"Well, that's good Bellz." Noah said once she left. Lucy went upstairs to talk to Mom and then she told us good bye.
"Be good for Liv guys. She's tired. No fighting."
"We will." I whispered. She gave me a kiss and Noah a hug.
"Take care guys."
"You too Lucy." I hesitated to finish my plate and put the last piece of pancake in my mouth.
"She's not mad, come on Bell." Noah said. I put it in my mouth and washed all of the dishes and plates in the sink.
"Bella? Come on honey, I'm getting sleepy."
"Yes Mom." I went upstairs to her room where she was washing her face.
"Hey bear."
"Hey." I sat on the sofa in her room and sighed. She came out and sat next to me.
"Bought ya something."
"What?"
"I realized that our old journal was full, so I got a new one." She handed me a purple striped book and I smiled.
"Thanks."
"And..about yesterday, what happened bear?"
"I kind of just had a flashback, and I haven't had one in a long time. So I kind of just freaked. I feel bad, I apologized to Ms.Hinds. Does she know-"
"I didn't tell her anything about that. Just about your mom and a bit about your dad. I promise babe."
"Thanks for sparing me." I sighed and looked down at the floor. I had been to therapy the Monday, I've been doing therapy for years, why is this still happening to me?
"Talk to me. What are you thinking about?"
"I've been going to therapy for years right, and I still have these flashbacks. Aren't they supposed to go away?!"
"Bella, What happened to you-"
"You know what, what even happened to me?! We just all keep calling it the secret and the bad touches. What is it?!"
"Bella, when you get a bit older-"
"What is it Mom?"
"Trust me honey, you'll want me to tell you when you're more mature and a bit more emotionally stable. I'm not trying to hurt you more than you already have been..Please try to understand that."
"I guess so."
*********
Sunday November 10th (Olivia's Perspective)
I just dropped Bella off to have her hair braided, so that we wouldn't have to deal with it for a while.
"These shoes look just darling. Maybe I should get a pair for Bell and I."
"Those are 50% off by the way ma'am."
"I can't say no to that now, can I?" I picked up a pair for Noah as well and went to go pay. I just spent 150 on shoes, I have a serious gifting problem. I walked around 34th street, looking for something to do as I had about 3 hours to spare.
Flashback
My daughter stroked my hair as I carried her across the crazy busy street to a Starbucks.
"Mommy?"
"Yes sweetheart?"
"I can get a cake pop?"
"Yes, you've been a very good girl today." I ordered a coffee for myself and a crème based Frappuccino for Bella. She's already energetic in general, she doesn't need caffeine. I bought two cake pops and Bella giggled happily.
"Thank you Mommy."
"You're welcome."
"I have to save one for Noah! I'm gonna eat it when we get home so we can have it together."
"Aww, you're so adorable." I fixed her dress and she sipped on her Frappuccino.
"Yummy!"
Present Day
Ahh, how I miss the days of my kids wanting to be held by Mommy. I'd trade it for anything. Their cute little toothless smiles and the way their eyes lit up when they saw me made me happier than anyone else in this whole world.
"Mom, I can't wait to go home and just relax." Noah said.
"I know. But we have to wait on Bella to be done."
"Why do they even take so long to braid her hair?"
"Because it's a very delicate and painful process. They're applying extensions to her hair and they're doing really small braids. It takes time."
"Is it one of those girl things?"
"Well, anyone can braid their hair if they want to. But what Bella's doing specifically is something African-American girls do to their hair called a protective style."
"You know a lot about this stuff don't you?"
"I know this stuff now. Having Bella as a daughter has taught me so many things I didn't even think I'd need to learn how to do. It's just a beautiful experience." He smiled and started to talk about some things.
"Oh really? Wow..." I learned all of the things my son was being exposed to in middle school...and it's terrifying. I don't want my baby to grow up any more than he already is.
***********
My Bathroom (Bella's Perspective)
"No!" I whined. I was trying to get my hair into a bun like Mommy does. Because she isn't here right now.
"Okay, I'm done. I can't do this anymore."
"What's up Bell?"
"I cannot even do this bun correctly and I hate this right now. My head feels so heavy I think I'm gonna fall over and crack my skull open!"
"You're so dramatic. Let me help you sweet pea." Lucy fixed my hair and I felt quite nice.
"This is so much better." I grabbed my dance bag and raced downstairs to meet Kylie.
"Bye Lucy! Bye Noah! I'll see you guys later." I ran into the car and smiled. I love dance class...but I have to ask Mommy something about it...I hope she says yes!