💫She's Different💫

Bella's Nightmares

The Letter
You've asked me to write first so I decided to use it as an opportunity to ask you some questions. I know that you have nightmares quite a bit these days. Do you want to talk about them with me? It helps to talk about them. I know you hate to talk about those times these days, but it's okay to just let it out. You know what I mean? It's okay to talk to your therapist about it even if you think it may be silly or you think that it's long gone. It's okay to be open my love. When you're done reading this come and talk to me. I'll be waiting.
      With Much Love,
                                       Mommy
I started to cry a little as I read it. I don't like talking about the warehouse at all anymore. I feel like it's really private and I avoid talking about it whenever I can. I don't even know how she knew! She figures out everything! I washed my face in my bathroom and knocked on her door. She opened it and smiled.
"Come and sit down." We sat on her couch and she grabbed a box of tissues.
"What has been going on? In your dreams I mean. You can tell me them."
"No, I don't wanna talk about that. It's really private." I started to cry out of embarrassment and Mommy gave me a tissue.
"I won't tell anyone else. I promise." She held out her pinky and pinky sweared.
"Well, I've been remembering some things."
"Like what?"
"When they took my clothes away. I had clothes for a while but they said that it was bothering them and making it harder to you know-"
"Hurt you." I nodded and a tear fell out.
"I was wearing my shorts and a top with some slippers. My mom was actually nice that day. Said we would have fun. She lied to me."
"Okay, what else?"
"That's it! It makes me angry and I keep dreaming about it."
"You tend to dream about things that affect you in real life. It happens a lot."
"Does it happen to you?"
"Yes, I have. So many times and it drives you crazy and you're like why won't it stop? You just want to be able to sleep peacefully." She gets it! She really understands!
"Yeah. How do you know what that feels like? Normal people don't really get that."
"Everyone gets nightmares."
"But not like mine." She gave me a hug and a kiss.
"I don't like being different this way." I looked at my scar and my mom just kept rubbing my back.
**********
Central Park (Olivia's Perspective)
Bella was smiling. Yesterday was Noah's birthday and she was happy that we ate sweets. We still had some leftover and I had to ween her off of it.
"No more!" She laughed and stuck out her tongue. It was purple after all of that candy she had.
"Why?! I love jolly ranchers!" She jumped around energetically and I had to restrain a hyperactive Chase.
"Stop jumping you're making him hyper."
"That's a good thing!" She stopped and held my hand as we crossed the street.
"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Did you know that I got a math award?"
"You did? That's amazing my love. I'm so proud of you."
"Thank you!"
"I'm going to get some coffee and then you can show me this award. How does that sound?"
"Sounds great." We walked into Starbucks and I looked at the menu.
"I guess an americano will do."
"Can I get something please?"
"What do you want?"
"Can I get a pastry?" I nodded and she ordered everything.
"Impressive."
"It's only because you order the same thing over and over." She grabbed her stuff and held it.
"Poor Chasey! He couldn't get anything."
"We'll give him a treat when we get home." I said before taking a sip of my coffee.
"Can I have a sip?"
"I don't need you anymore energetic then you already are."
**********
Aunty Amanda's (Bella's Perspective)
"Hi baby Billie."
"You wanna hold her?"
"Yes please." I don't really get to see her at all so I like to play with her whenever I'm there.
"She's my sister Bella."
"I know." Billie smiled as I played peek a boo with her.
"That's her favorite."
"Aunty Amanda are we gonna go outside?"
"Not today." Baby Billie smiled as I talked to her.
"Billie smiles a lot Aunty."
"She does."
"Mommy, I'm going to play with my sister!"
"That's great honey." I sat on the couch and I held Aunty's hand.
"You know, your Mom told me that the both of you had a big girl conversation."
"We did. It was like kind of weird, but then I had heard some of it from other people." Billie started to cry and Aunty Amanda went to go pick her up.
"It's okay baby."
"I didn't mean to hurt her." Jesse said while pouting.
"I know you didn't baby. It was an accident." I watched as my aunt held Billie and thought about me being a mother.
"It's okay Jesse accidents happen." I gave her a hug and it made her feel a bit better.
"I'm gonna go put this girl down. Watch Jesse for me Bella."
"Alright."
"Wanna watch tv?" I asked.
"I guess."
"Hmm, how about we watch Ravens home?" I liked that show. I feel like whenever I watch this show I'm keeping in touch with my black side a bit. Plus, Raven is funny.
"What's that?"
"It's this show. It's really good." I turned it on and I couldn't stop giggling. We had to keep quiet though.
"You girls are laughing up a storm."
"Because Raven is funny." She sat down on the couch and ate our snack. That is totally not fair.
*********
Monday Night
Mommy is at work and I decided to write her something after dinner.
"Thank you Lucy."
"You're very welcome." I went up to my Mothers bedroom with my dog and started to write the letter.
My Letter
Hi Mommy! I hope you're doing good at work. I wanted to tell you that I prayed today before dinner to not have another nightmare! I hope it works. And, I wanted to ask you about the dance on Valentine's Day. I was wondering if  I could go. I don't want to feel left out :(  I don't even have a dad to go with. :(
I cried a little and Chase kept trying to make me smile.
"You're a-"
"A good boy Chase." I closed the book and put it in my mother's room. Then I brushed my teeth and went to my bed. Chase sat down next to me on my bed and I kept petting him as I talked about my personal problems.
"Sometimes I feel like god is punishing me. But I'm not exactly sure what I did for god to want to do that."
"Woof!"
"I guess so."
"I love you Chase." He licked me and I turned off my lamp. It was kind of early to be going to bed but if I stayed up I'd keep having bad thoughts.
"Bella?" My Mother turned on the light and sat down.
"Hi."
"Hey Chase."
"Woof!" He licked her and I smiled.
"You look like you were just crying baby."
"I was."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"I wrote it in the book."
"Okay. Sit up for me." I sat up and looked her in the eye.
"What are you doing home early?"
"Don't worry about that."
"Okay."
"You wanna go watch something?"
"I thought it was bedtime?"
"You don't have school tomorrow, did you forget?" I sat there shocked.
"Come on, let's go watch a movie or something."