13th Doctor x reader (3rd book)

Regret

A/n: hi everyone! So this is my third book and it's a direct continuation of the other two books so you'll have to read those to understand anything from this book. And if you've read those books, well hello there! Welcome to the gay TARDIS where the doctor is the closest mother figure we have and Missy is turning out to be a difficult person to have feelings for. There's a wild ride of emotions coming up so buckle up! Hope you enjoy this book!

You groaned as you opened your eyes, feeling a killer headache. You placed a hand over your forehead, your mouth as dry as sandpaper. You blinked a few times, wincing at your headache as you tried to sit up.

"Oh, you're up" you looked over and saw the doctor with a glass of water and two pills.

She set them down and helped you sit up. You flinched against her touch slightly before sitting upright. You held your stomach and your head, feeling dizzy and like you were about to throw up.

"I'm gonna throw up" you mumbled slowly, closing your eyes as your head seemed like it was drilling a hole in your skull.

"I'm not surprised. You've been barely eating the past month or so and you decided to drink a ton of alcohol in an empty stomach" the doctor scolded, frowning at you before sighing and handing you the glass and pills "here. They should help with the pain. And hopefully with the sickness to" she said.

You sighed, cringing as you looked at the water before putting the pills in your mouth and drinking it. You didn't feel like drinking, you felt sick enough as it was. Though the water helped with the dehydration and hopefully the pills would start to do their job in no time. You gulped it down slowly before handing the glass back to the doctor who put it away.

You sighed, holding your head as you sat there. The doctor sat on the edge of your bed, looking at you with worry and concern. You groaned at the pain.

"Missy's not happy" the doctor spoke up.

You sighed "why?" You mumbled.

She raised a brow at you "(y/n) you might want to deny it but Missy feels very strongly about you. How do you think she feels once you go wandering off and sleeping with a random person." She said.

Suddenly, you remembered everything you did. You remembered feeling down and wanting something to drink. And how you found your way to the console room. And found yourself in an alien club and nearly got arrested because you had no way of paying for the drinks. The drinks which Missy didn't want you to drink because you were pretty sure she still thinks your pregnant. Even though the test said otherwise. And how that wonderful alien, Seris, paid for your drinks and took you home with her.

You smiled at the memory of everything you did with her, how she made you feel. She was kind, caring, and made you feel loved. Loved, important and needed. You wanted that more than anything. And you didn't get that with Missy.

As much as you loved Missy, and you couldn't deny your feelings for her, she didn't feel the same way. You had to get over that fact. You had to get over her. Though that was proving to be difficult. She didn't care about you. She ran away from you whenever she got the chance, she always just leaves you alone. You weren't even sure if she was a friend anymore. But definitely nothing more. You knew now after she turned away from the kiss.

"Missy doesn't care about me doctor. She ran away from me. She said that..I'm better off without her. And that..s..she's better off without..me.." your voice started to get wobbly as you thought about that "she doesn't want to see me"

The doctor shook her head "(y/n) she cares about you a lot. And as more than just a friend. Whether you believe it or not. It took a lot of convincing from me to get her to stay here and not go on some killing rage. She kept rambling about..." the doctors cheeks went slightly pink "not being the first alien to...do you.."

You scoffed, not believing a word the doctor was saying. Missy wouldn't care. Heck, she didn't even want to kiss you let alone, as the doctor said it, 'do' you. She didn't feel like that for you.

"She promised me she wouldn't leave me!" You shouted in anger and hurt "and the next thing she does is try to kill herself and leave me and everyone else. And when I try to talk to her she turns her back to me. And then when we finally start to get along again, she runs away and tells me that we're better off without each other! She doesn't care about me doctor. All she's doing is hurting me" you said, your throat knotting up at the thought.

The doctor sighed heavily, looking down.

"(Y/n)...when she tried to kill herself...or when she ran away...do you really think she did it to leave you? Or do you think there was something else going on?" The doctor asked, speaking very slowly.

You shrugged your shoulders "she broke a promise. That's all she did." You said "y..you weren't there doctor when I just..saw her out in space. Floating...eyes closed..not moving. I..I was so scared" you whispered "she hurt me so much by doing that"

The doctor nodded her head "do you understand how we feel whenever you try to do something like that now?" she asked, making you frown and think for a moment "whenever you try to do something like that yourself, do you do it to hurt someone else?" She asked.

You shook your head "n..no..there's something going on...with me. It's all with me. I just..,sometimes feel like I can't carry on. Like it gets too much. And the thought of it ending is just...peaceful. But I swear, I never do it to spite someone!" You said.

"Exactly" the doctor said "so...maybe..she didn't do it because of you. But because of her own struggles"

You frowned "what are you trying to say?" You asked in confusion.

"What I'm trying to say is that...we're all going through hardship at the moment. Struggles and memories keep plaguing us. Maybe she felt like she couldn't cope. Maybe she felt like it would be peaceful. And maybe she's just going through a rough patch like the rest of us are and she's struggling to cope with it like the rest of us. But she didn't do it to hurt you (y/n)." The doctor said.

You sniffed slightly "but it did hurt me" you whispered, trying to hold it together.

"I know" the doctor said "and going out and having a one night stand with another person hurt her too. Even if that wasn't your intention"

You swallowed thickly, feeling a ton of emotions and having everything being put into perspective. You didn't even think of Missy. The guilt and regret of what you did was hitting you like a wave. Maybe she did feel the same way. And you just hurt her by doing this.

The doctor sighed, bringing a hand to the back of your head, and planting a small kiss on the top of your head.

"I'll bring some food for you later. Promise me you'll eat" the doctor said gently.

You nodded your head slowly. She smiled, before standing up and taking the glass with her.

"I'll be back in a moment" she said softly before leaving the room, and leaving you alone with your regret and guilt.