13th Doctor x reader (3rd book)

Smoke

You got back to your room after that talk while the doctor took the others to take them home. Who knew what Missy was doing. You didn't understand anything that was going on with her. It was frustrating and it was hurting you so much inside.

You couldn't stop all of the images and flashbacks you were having right now though. You managed to go to the kitchen on your way to your room and found out that the alcohol was no longer locked away. Looked like you weren't the only one drinking to manage and cope then.

You had a couple bottles of some sort of alcohol with you now. You had no idea what they were but you were so desperate for a drink you really didn't care. Anything would do.

You opened one of them, immediately taking a swing and wincing as it burnt down your throat. You knew exactly what it was. This was some really strong whiskey. You thought about chugging a load of it but considering how strong this was and the fact that you wanted this to last, you decided not to.

You just felt like crap. You were shaking uncontrollably and you felt like you were going to explode with your heart beating so fast and all these awful feelings inside of you. You couldn't stop the voices. You couldn't stop the hurting. You just wanted it to numb away for even one second. You needed to relax. You felt as tense as anything.

You took another gulp of the drink, wincing as it burnt. You started to feel like you were being strangled and could barely breathe. You couldn't stop the images of everyone in your mind, making you flinch every few seconds and the pain in your chest to build. You couldn't handle it. No matter how much you drank they didn't go away. And it was starting to hurt how much you were tensing up.

You made your way to the wardrobe, looking through some of your own stuff and not what the TARDIS had for you. You were drinking a lot of the whiskey now, wincing and groaning slightly at the almost painful drink. You rummaged through your things and started to sob quietly as you found something you promised yourself you wouldn't do again.

They were a packet of cigarettes. You hadn't smoked in almost half a year now. You quit before the doctor even came back to you. You knew how bad they were for you. But you needed them right now. You couldn't keep doing this.

You took out a cigarette and a lighter, struggling with your shaky hands as you tried to light it, eventually managing to. You took a gulp of the whiskey, making your way back to your bed, leaning against it while holding up the lit cigarette. You whimpered slightly, knowing you shouldn't do this.

You brought it to your lips and took in a deep breath, coughing slightly as you weren't used to it. The familiar taste of smoke and feeling of it in your lungs with the nicotine helping you to calm down hit you. You relaxed slightly, finally starting to relax your muscles a little. You took a swing of the drink again, knowing how bad it was that you were both smoking and drinking now.

You winced as the drink went down, but were thankful for the taste. You then went back to taking a few puffs of the nicotine induced smoke. You fluttered your eyes closed, sighing in relief as you breathed out slightly. You felt much more relaxed, though you still felt like crap. You took a good few gulps of the whiskey, squeezing your eyes shut as you messed up your body even more than it already was.

You were so invested in your smoking and drinking that you didn't realise someone had entered the room until they spoke up.

"I didn't know you smoked" the doctor said, clearly slightly uncomfortable with the amount of smoke in the room.

You rolled your eyes "I don'tt" you mumbled "only on really bad ddays"

You were slurring slightly, the alcohol starting to take affect. You took another sip, wincing before swallowing and then inhaling some more of the smoke.

The doctor frowned deeply "that's really bad for you..."

You cringed at her words, not needing her to ruin the moment. You already knew you were going to regret it in the morning.

The doctor opened her mouth to say something but didn't get the chance as the door opened again and Missy stepped in.

"I fucking knew you took the whiskey" she muttered, taking the bottle right out of your hand.

You huffed in annoyance, deciding to just finish your fag at least. You were taking deep breaths, closing your eyes in pleasure as you did so.

"You smoke?" Missy asked after swallowing some of the drink.

You didn't do anything except glare at Missy. You knew you looked awful right now and didn't want anyone to stop you.

"Apparently only on really bad days" the doctor informed her.

"Have you started yet?" Missy asked, nodding down to your torso slightly.

You immediately knew she was talking about your period and shook your head. You didn't even want to talk to her, why was she here?

"Started what?" The doctor asked in confusion.

"Nothing" you mumbled as Missy shook her head.

"I thought I told you not to drink until then" she muttered before stepping towards you "and definitely not smoke!" She said before snatching the cigarette out of your hand.

You gave her a cold look when she did that, gritting you're teeth together in frustration. She seriously still thought you were pregnant! You had no idea why? And it wasn't her right to take away your drinks and smokes.

"Okay..." the doctor said, breaking the tension "you staying Missy or what?" She asked.

Missy seemed to wince at that, her shoulders visibly tensing. She quickly took a swing of the drink, wincing as she shook her head.

"I don't wanna be anywhere near you" she said.

You felt hurt by her words and crossed your arms in discomfort. Missy left the room and you were about to down another bottle until you realised the doctor had them in her hands. You gave her a sharp glare.

She sighed at you "it's for the best (y/n). We'll talk in the morning about this okay. You just need to sleep for now"

You decided to just follow the doctors orders. You felt slightly weird after the cigarette anyways and much more relaxed. You laid down on the bed, and the doctor still decided to tuck you in though you had no idea why. You closed your eyes, drained after not having slept for a month and a half properly.

"Goodnight (y/n)" the doctor spoke softly, placing a gentle kiss on the top of your head "I hope you feel better in the morning. Because we've got a lot to talk about"